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Mark Toney May 2
Greetings.  We received your toxic tax documents today; proceeded to immerse them in the de-cootie wash for precisely 30 minutes; then showered them with Gamma Ray’s, which is not what you think it is, but rather a high powered barbecue sauce (made by some Texan’s grandma) that’s strong enough to knock those little ****** viruses back to China where they came from.  The only problem is, by the time we detoxified your tax documents, no print was left and the paper had the consistency of TP.  So, you guessed it, seein’ as how TP is more or less the top selling commodity worldwide as such, I put it up for sale on eBay and made enough money where I can retire and never do taxes again.  So, I want to thank you for supplying the seed that germinated my newfound wealth, and I’m happy to inform you that you’ll be receiving an autographed copy of my soon to be published book, which I thoughtfully titled “CORNFED-19 Pandamick—Making Lemonade From Lemons” by T. P. Roller (which happens to be my Sudo-Numb).  Have a nice evening!

most zany woodpecker knocks—

© 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.
5/2/2020 - Poetry form: Haibun - This is a zany, flight of fancy, inspired by my secular profession after 4 weeks of lockdown!  The resulting haiku is inspired by Woody Woodpecker—created by Walter Lantz and Ben Hardaway—a cartoon that appeared in theatrical short films produced by the Walter Lantz Studio and distributed by Universal Studios.  Woody Woodpecker first appeared in the short film "Knock, Knock" (November 25, 1940).  Woody Woodpecker's unforegettable signature laugh begins with "heh-heh-heh-hehhhh-heh," which works well for my purpose since it has 5 syllables!  (Woody Woodpecker | Wikipedia)  TMI? Oh, my! - © 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.
Maja Feb 26
No matter how successful you become,
or how far you climb,
you are still just a human.
You bleed the same,
and you fall just the same.
Only, the impact is going to be so much greater
and the blood can be sold on eBay depending on how famous you are
True true
Tony Tweedy Aug 2019
I have found true love at last so near my dying day.
A mistress who does not judge or lead me only to dismay.
Rewarding in so many ways many treasures so refined.
And gives a love to inspire in return a loyal and devoted kind.

A page for all my needs and fulfilling all of my desire.
My every passion fed fulfilled to light my internal fire.
Never finding fault in me or doubting of my worth.
No truer love have I known in my wanders upon this Earth.

No question of the love now found that meets my every need.
No lies or deceits as went before to cause my soul to bleed.
No test to tell if I am straight or perhaps leaning toward the gay.
I give praise to the creator, and will always laud him, for eBay.
Sorry.... but seriously there is no better website.... she calls me and I am hers.
Matt Walls Dec 2017
I once bought a box sight unseen
Off a user by a the name of 'The Queen'
I received the next day
For a pittance of pay
An item from someone quite mean

The box I opened up with delight
Inside it sure gave me a fright
It popped out straight away
I then cursed all of E bay
As I searched in the hay that was light

I found a small box of a phone
Excited, I ran off alone
Inspections were fast
But the fun did not last
For inside all I got was a stone
The straw that broke the camel's back
Was auctioned off on Ebay
And bought by an amnesiac
Who liked collecting hay.

If possession is nine-tenths of the law
All I need to do now
Is buy the final straw

And then he was sectioned
And taken away.

— The End —