Getting too comfortable is dangerous,

It eventually ends, all we do is fight and fuss.

We are meant to grow, be a better version of ourselves

Instead, we bring each other down and I start questioning myself.

I am worthy and so are you, I am letting you go, and you should too.

We both know how this will end, it’s something we can’t bear.

He handed it to me when I was 25,
with a Cheshire cat smile,
knowing it wasn't my team,
and liking it all the better for it.
I wore it,
reluctantly,
the Kelly green of it a traffic cone
warning others not to get too close
brim worn thin
on the edges
where he was always
making sure it sat
...just.
right.
until the shamrocks stitched to the side
could no longer mask the shackles
I tore it off
set it ablaze in the front yard
and let my soft ginger curls
fly free in the breeze,
finally mine again.

So maybe I see you in him.

Maybe I see unconditional love on both sides.

Maybe I see none of his mistakes, and none of mine because he doesn’t bring them up.

Maybe I see some one who has some type of control over something I don’t.

Maybe he needs the fact I live life day by day and I need his plans.  
Maybe he needs me to show him plans don’t go accordingly but my bubbly personality makes that worth while, maybe my optimism needs his pessimism so together we have a realistic view, for realism is both optimistic and pessimistic, but not without a realistic view-

You mix two colors together and get an idea plastered in purple -

Your favorite color is red and so is his.

Blue is the color that I associate to you.

He told me he would show me purple sky’s and I have a portrait to show the accuracy -  

He’s purple sky’s

If the sky was around my neck.

And painted with a belt.

But, I could belt out how much I love you.

With screams under my pillow because maybe it’s too abrasive.

But is abrasive compatible with abusive?

Maybe I too am abusive? Or maybe I was just prepared enough for abuse that I fight back and I’m reactive.

Not like an active volcano, because in technicalities he’d be reactive to his emotions, and we could call that reactive abuse-
But we know what the term reactive abuse refers to.

And as i reference purple sky’s this guys hand painted the picture around my neck when I was actually supposed to be using my neck to look above me and reaching for the galaxy behind the sun set that painted the sky purple for me.

And I wasn’t being facetious when I said I have the portrait it’s on my camera roll but I was on a roll when I drew the picture for you as he drew his belt from around his waist for me.

What a waste my life would be if he’s The One that kills me.

I wasted my time on him drugs and alcohol, I wasted my potential- when he’s my potential murderer. And I his potential victim.

It’s crazy when I think back.

He told me he saw my potential, but did he really mean my potential as me. Or did he mean his potential that he had set for me. Victim me.

So, yeah I guess I would be lying if I said I see him in you.

You’re nothing alike…
You’d choke him for choking me.
And he’d choke me because I drank today.

When you’d tip the bottle back and tell me to chug..

Y’all are nothing alike.

That’s why I was in love with you, and he is the love i let my life have.

When you fall in love with a mean man you’ll find yourself truly believing that you deserve the misery. The fighting, the hurt and the crying feels all too consistent. Uneasy becomes your default setting as you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid the anger. You’ll forget how you once loved the sensation of skin-to-skin contact the more you catch yourself flinching at his touch. When he points out that you’ve gotten distant you wont even notice how guilt melts into consent as he takes what he tells you he deserves. It’s alright, he loves you. 
If you’re anything like me you’ll believe that you’re not enough. You’ll believe that it’s your fault when he starts a fight. If only you could do better, then he’d have no reason to be upset. You wont believe it when your mom tells you it isn’t healthy to come home crying every time you see him. You wont believe your friends when they tell you that you deserve better than a possessive man who won’t let you out of his sight. Worst of all, you certainly wont believe yourself when you’re brain is screaming that you cant take it anymore; because your heart is screaming even louder, “He loves me!”

When you forgave me
The weight finally settled in
Forgiveness stole away rage
God, God, God
Not again
What have I done this time
The dog asks
After it bit another gentle hand
If only you knew
The first hand
And the weight it carried
While it swung
If for pity or love
You stay
Oh, how tired you will grow
Carrying out the sentence
For a crime you didn't commit