When you fall in love with a mean man you’ll find yourself truly believing that you deserve the misery. The fighting, the hurt and the crying feels all too consistent. Uneasy becomes your default setting as you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid the anger. You’ll forget how you once loved the sensation of skin-to-skin contact the more you catch yourself flinching at his touch. When he points out that you’ve gotten distant you wont even notice how guilt melts into consent as he takes what he tells you he deserves. It’s alright, he loves you. 
If you’re anything like me you’ll believe that you’re not enough. You’ll believe that it’s your fault when he starts a fight. If only you could do better, then he’d have no reason to be upset. You wont believe it when your mom tells you it isn’t healthy to come home crying every time you see him. You wont believe your friends when they tell you that you deserve better than a possessive man who won’t let you out of his sight. Worst of all, you certainly wont believe yourself when you’re brain is screaming that you cant take it anymore; because your heart is screaming even louder, “He loves me!”

When you forgave me
The weight finally settled in
Forgiveness stole away rage
God, God, God
Not again
What have I done this time
The dog asks
After it bit another gentle hand
If only you knew
The first hand
And the weight it carried
While it swung
If for pity or love
You stay
Oh, how tired you will grow
Carrying out the sentence
For a crime you didn't commit

Everybody tells me to forget
But when I hear the song in your voice
I just can't get away from you
The feeling begins anew
That's how it was when we first met

Lovin' your skin was more important
Felt the tip of your tongue
When you had me all wrong
Even in your death
I've got life in my palm
But I just can’t get away from all these memories  

Every time I close my eyes
I wake up in a Paradise
Wishing someone else was here tonight
To push my desires
And carve out my dreams
To match the life  
I've been waiting for

There is no medicine for this kind of treatment  
Your face is one big memory
Your brain is like a eulogy split
into
All the things you've done
And it won't leave my mind

Your ghost is haunting me
But now it’s telling me that all we had
is dead

I wish for everything
To go insane
So I can rest my brain
Stay in bed
What you made me do
Was too much for you

I was too good to you
But it's not over yet

As this dream scene makes me
see all the things you've done
Once haunted by your darkened melody
All over again


I'm not here to stay in your waking mess
Not mesmerized by your burning soul
Your eyes so cold and alone
Even when I get to heaven
I know

Gratitude defines the truth
in My soul

I got out of that void a long time ago
Now waiting on the other side

Maybe one day I'll find him
People ask me how you live on
I tell em when you find true love
It lives within your blood
It lives it does not move on

Everytime I close my eyes
I wake up in a Paradise
Wishing someone else was here tonight
To help my desires come to life  
I've waited for so long

And all I can do
Is be true
Knowing you once made me feel
Alive

My heart has mended the wall  
And I won't stay to try to convince it to feel something else
That is inauthentic

As this dream scene makes me
See all the things you've done
Once haunted by your darkened melody
All over again
My standards have become all the more honest  
And I just can't wait to get away tonight