I can savor
The taste of fear
Riding upon the wind
As turbulently
As your troubled mind
Seeks desperately
To understand the mortality of this moment

The life and death mechanics of reality
The realization
That we are to die
As evident of the staccato pant
Of your futile labour

Frivolous at best
Arouses a sense
Of ******* justice

Hard truths
Brought to bear witness of
Your infidelities
Your betrayal

Lies
Aborning of arsenic
Sputters froth
From your womb

Searing traces of bitterness
Cascades a corrupted truth
Transformed into an ugliness
That has become us

Two hearts that once beat as one
Cast fervently
Into a cold war

Unrelenting hatred
Reciprocated  
Ricochet
Unmitigated threats

Wounds
That cannot be reprieved

How did we get here?
Do you even care-
To ponder the thought?

How
I once loved thee
A dream shattered
By the realization of now

But
The now I can live with
The thought of losing you I cannot
**** this relationship

Endure
I must
For the taste of you
Is the sake of me
My sustenance

I close my eyes
In perusal of happier times
When life was bearable

Abruptly
I'm jolted out of my reverie
By hilt of your scorn
Protruding from my chest

Animately
I touch
As if to confirm its legitimacy
A reason for its being

Overwhelmed by solemn peace
I collapse in passive supplication

And as she turns and walk away
Contemptuous
Of the final utterance
To flee my lips
I forgive you

I ponder
If she ever
Loved me at all

Bus leaves in five minutes
Might as well be five hours
One minute feels like an eternity as
The rain begins to fall

Memories cascade
Over vibrant realities
Becoming bitter

As time rushes in
And love
Rushes out

Conversations become entanglements
Divisions of independent thought
Turned quickly into
Perfidious satire

The Thump Thump Thump
Of your fist
Against my heart head and face

I coexist but cease to exist
Hiding behind an overzealous pair of
Designer sunglasses    as if
Donna Karan
Could cover up the shame of your Designing

Thump Thump Thump
Fist wailing
Glass shattering
Relationship broken
The pieces scattered over time

Thump Thump

But I  love you
I thought you loved me  Thump

My mouth
Becomes a metallic ritual
Of beating drums  
Played out in blood
Upon my emotions

The bus leaves in five minutes
Echoes through the station...

Grabbed by the hair
Drag through the dirt
Blacken both eyes
Break my bones, I don't care
Kick the ribs
Stomp on my head
Grip tightly my throat
Until no screams I give
Slap my face
Wake me up
Throw me in the box
Just another missing case
Bury me alive
Throw the dirt on
Hearing all the scratches
No way to survive
Listen,  no sounds
Place the leaves back on
But be careful where you step
For now it's haunted ground

What gives a father
The idea
That he has the right
To abide his son?
Hit him?
Hurt him?
Bully him?

Why does he think
That just 'cause he's bigger,
Older
Stronger
He can tear him down?
Break him?
Beat him?

How is he okay
With taunting his own child?
Criticizing him.
Telling him
He'll never be good enough.
A disappointment.
A failure.

For my original sin
I'm paying again

For a choice I made long ago
When I was young and did not know

I did not know, loving someone
Could keep you under that gun

Let me set the scene
Of how he was so mean

I endured all his beatings
The only sound, my pleadings

Years spent in his prison
Under constant supervision

Found the key
Set myself free

It was years and years ago
But he still finds where I go

Moved towns and home
Trying to end his syndrome

His mother manipulated my kids
Now he knows where I live

Doors and Windows bolted down
A waiting game till he comes to town

Last time it ended with me in the woods
***** and bruised, because he could

This time it will end in blood and gore
Only question is, which end of the knife I will explore

My past is seeking me out again
The stupidity of my past ignorance and sin

We'd stay up all night and speak of places we would roam
He moved me far away from home


He moved me away from family and friends
I didn't relize my future was growing dim

I was in love, he kept his demons well hid
If I'd just known some of the things he had did


I soon was pregnant, unable to defend
That's when the beatings begin

I would of ran but there was no where to go
So far from home with a young one in tow


My illusional happy family dissolved
A happy future from me is STILL getting robed

This drunken alcoholic fool
Was particularly cruel

Daily beatings a must
Hands around my throat in disgust

Have him arrested, out the next day
"Boy, ***** will you pay"


Years go by and three children latter
Things are much worse the punishment greater

Can't leave him now, know for a fact he will **** me
He'd bury my body deep, he'd never set me free

Then he would be raising my kids, a terrifying thought
And all of my suffering would of been for naught


One drunken and now cracked up night
He told me to go and I took flight

Raised four kinds on my own
Over 17 year and every 2 or 3 years always making his presence known

He can fill my heart with fear
I seen him today he's in my town..........his near

I don't love him but he's here and you aren't
And he doesn't ******* hold my hand, all he does is **** me
And god forbid that god forbids you from being near me
Because when I see nothing but headlights and tire tread I think of salvation

I will hold onto you tighter than my father when he came home and told me I'd hate him
We don't speak anymore except about the time you were supposed to kiss me but instead I felt my jaw shatter
And he still wishes his fist could've done the same to yours as a 16th birthday present for me
But I guess you've never liked my voice so why would you wanna hear it

My tongue falls back into my throat like words I've choked on in front of you
If you came back, even as a dream, I would fill half a glass and let you decide if I'm emptier
I have the audacity to think I meant something more to you than to your temper
And I never needed a lighter to play with fire when baby, I had you

I fear fences because the one in my front yard couldn't keep your voice out
I'd gate off my mind but I'm sure I'd still fear January the 1st and I might even miss you
I always loved your hands even when they were breaking me
Even if they've made me flinch at a raised hand or a friendly pat on the back

I ******* hated the roadmaps in your arms because they couldn't guide me out of your grasp
I knew you were dangerous but I was excited by the fear of getting caught with you

I told you, "I am too ******* young."

And I felt more electricity in your fist hitting my cheekbones than I ever had in your lips
Even when I lay my sorrowed mind on his silk sheets I cannot fall asleep anymore