Days screaming  
Nights waiting
Smleling of strangers
Shaded glances
Queston's unanswered
Moons departure suns gleam awaken
wounds forgiven thoughts receding

She saw him
My mother saw him her abuser
Eye to eye they stared at each other
For him to laugh and look down in embarrassment
For her to leave all shaken up
Now her kids are too terrified to leave home
Incase they see him...

I was born in this world without a choice.
if i knew  what my life was going to be no doubt would i have chosen not to exist.
Born into two people who claimed that one was my mother and one was my father
because  being a mother or a father isn't just producing a fetus its about living up to the role
None of mine did.
No choice but to grow up to fast
by age 5 i was hiding knives and tablets preventing my mothers suicide attempts
running around and crashing into that monsters soul
afraid i would  take two steps back
and he would take two steps forward
he would hold my hand and take me to my mother
the rest is a blur
all i know was i would see her naked body and him next to her.

Cold heated shouts blew me away
drowned me in none other then sadness and fear
my siblings become like my children
who i tried to protect
but we would come together to keep each other safe.
the routine of hiding knives become a game we made
social services meant to care or to protect?
watched the monster silence us and left us and deemed it was  safe
safe despite watching the "parents" argue
safe despite  him being cautioned  and kept away for beating my sister when she was 7
who knew these services would later be the reason why innocent  lives were sacrificed for a cycle of abuse that would never seem to end....

There is 2
One is Zoey
Black and fat
One is Battle
Grey and tall
Russian blue
Can be moody
loves to be petted
Short hair domestic
Eats alot
needs attention
but must have her space
Characters they are
So opposite
So alike
it's quite fun
having these two
they are my joy
they give me
alot to look forward to
I know they care
No matter what
These 2 cats
really are so special
we are family
I got them
and they got me to
I love these 2 cats
they are so cool
They know I love them
They are kinda spoiled
but deserve it
that much is true
These 2 cats
My 2 cats
© Jennifer L DeLong 🦏
4/2021

the walls cave in quick
my wrists sink into the bed
the lights are flashing red
i guess this is the end

your lips, they worshipped
me a century ago
but now, they leave bruises
treasure maps along my throat

hospital white walls
but the floor's littered with cigarettes
and underneath these cold sheets
is a familiar sense of regret

"sorry," you'll say
and we'll make up again
"sorry," you'll say
and i'll come back again

Wrapped in love
Changes one.

Whether it is for the better,
I know not.

Hard to believe
In easy love

When emotional scars
Still cloud the mind.

Wrapped in your arms
Feedback that binds.

Easy to believe
In compromise.

I am changing,
I know that now.

Do not throw in the towel,
I will gladly fold mine.

A Monster with Roses

A monster with roses in his hands,
is still a monster,
and he will force-feed you thorns,
sugarcoated and chocolate dipped,
turning your window eyes
bloodstained and cracked.
Then leaves you when he chooses,
your soul sickened, body broken
and bleeding upon the floor.

James E. Roethlein copyright 2020

i.
when my father's pride lands
on my shoulder, digging it's claws
into my collarbone; demanding
blood in return for his
acknowledgement
of my
existence;
I learn to receive his broken
version of what love is
without protest.

ii.
when my mother's judgment
runs it's fingertips down the
curvature of my spine, searching
for weaknesses in my
posture, pose,
and figure;
my weight, skin
and fissures;
I learn to endure her
backhanded version of love  
without complaint.


iii.
when my younger brother's anger
comes over for dinner, makes itself
a guest in my first apartment;
and cusses out my duty
as an older sister to
even give a **** about him
in the first place?
Tells me I've failed
at loving him properly?
I learn to cry without
really crying
at all.

iv.
you think you've taught yourself how to be ice;
only to realized you're just shattered water.