life is all about perspective
what have I done?
maintain my sanity.
optimistic.
polite.
worn out, burnout
worry about
control.
so different.
I am a daughter
I adjust as needed

What kind of feeling would I have,
Without you around to hold?

I keep hoping that this god will answer my prayers..
I wonder....
and

   wonder.....

Why does he keep me alive when  all I have is pain? I watched my mother walk out on me at the age of One.... I needed my father and he was only a figure in some stupid fairy tale book.. I need you to hold me in your arms,,
for once I want to admit that I am not okay. for once I want take off this mask....

for once I want to admit that I enjoy this pain, for once I want this sharp blade to love me even harder,,, deeper and in more ways that my other could not..... stay here with me and be a father that I desperately needed.....

I dont see stars in the sky,,, all I see is darkness , pain and suffering,,,, There was never a happy ending,, only a fragment of your imagination because you could not take the pain and for once know the meaning of pleasure..

Bored of the land and all on it

Wondering what lies above that above me.

A field of blue with tufts of white like little cushions for gods .

Off to another plane  where the irregular is regular .

May be in the clouds there are no worries .

May be in the clouds there are no fears

A promise of heaven a promise of peace Free of hurt and filled with bliss

Now I envy the dead *** they don't feel

Calmly laying there after a life spent
Souls headed for the clouds

Forever starts where life ends .

Laying in bed, i’m counting the speckles on the ceiling, along with all the ways in which I lost her. There once was a time where I use to count the freckles on her body instead; ear, nose, neck, chest, even down to the little speckle in her one eye. They were my favorite thing about her, because they were one of the only things that managed to stay the same, while she was changing like Winter to Spring.
From hello, to lets go out, to I love you, to this is getting hard to handle, to I slept with somebody else, to good bye- I counted them as she walked away for the final time, all accounted for; the only things from the start that still remain.

I think I understand why they call them beauty marks now.

1 AM, I sit here

Slice myself open, rip my heart out, and let raw feelings bleed out on to a piece of paper

1 AM, you lay there

Inhaling another, exhaling love, intertwining souls.

2 AM, you’re closing your eyes

Good night, I love you- you whisper, as you kiss her on the cheek, and roll over for the night.

2 AM, I’m closing mine

I never understood how vacant could be an emotion until tonight. Good night, I love you- I whisper, as I close my eyes, and feel my soul slip away.

little devil,
when will you leave me?

consume me,
fully.

eat me entirely.

*I don't want to suffer anymore.