I was fourteen,
a rebel and so naive,
my "boyfriend" broke up with me,
or at least I thought he was mine,
but that's a story for another time,
and then I met this guy,
my age, so popular and so my type!
we hung out at my house,
almost every nights,
he walked me from school,
I thought that was nice,
but outside my bedroom,
we turn into strangers.

One day he asked me out,
on a date..?
I thought maybe it wasn't too late,
maybe it was fate,
for me to trust again,
he told to meet him late,
so I dressed up nice,
wore my favorite jeans,
and blushed my cheeks,
nothing too revealing,
don't wanna be deceiving!

We went for a walk,
and...he took me to a hotel,
I should've left right there and then,
but I thought,
we were alone before,
he wouldn't do anything I don't consent for,
we went up to our room,
ordered some pizza and drank some *****,
and he paid for EVERYTHING!

One thing led to another,
I was wearing only his sweater,
too drunk to remember,
how he got on top of me,
why I couldn't push him off my body,
my hands on his chest,
but he's not moving his hands,
he kept kissing my neck,
I kept screaming STOP!
and NO, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!
SO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

He drowned down my voice,
nothing my mouth was able to say,
he told me it was okay,
that it'll feel great,
but I felt paralyzed and betrayed,
tears streaming down my face,
and I was afraid,
I couldn't keep it down,
while he pinned me down,
on the bed, my lips he's kissing,
but only to keep me from shouting,
not because he's so loving,
he was so close to finishing,

He screamed YES!
while I thought NO!
but thank god he pulled out,
and then he got mad,
why I didn't put in my mouth,
why I let his *** spread out,
on his sweater, he went to the bathroom,
and I sat on the bed,
I was all wet from his sweat,
I felt exposed,
and got filled with regret,
I wish I stayed home,
I wish we never met!

Four years went by,
and I'm still traumatized,
I'm eighteen,
and its summer after my senior year,
I'm hanging out with some friends,
and I'm at a hotel again,
but this time I know what could happen,
and I've taken precautions,
we hung out a couple of times,
and he said he wanted to see me one last time,
but surprisingly I was the first to arrive,
he said let's drink to **** some time,
until the others pass by,
I politely decline,
and I ask to sit outside,
on the balcony,
where it's safe and everyone can see us publicly.

He then poured my a glass of orange juice,
my vision got kinda hazy and my body got loose,
he picked me up from my chair,
and took me to the bedroom,
I didn't know what to do,
my mind was awake,
my body was at stake,
he placed me on my stomach where it aches,
and pulled down my shield...

... I don't know where to go from here,
or how to feel,
I'm almost nineteen,
and I still see them in my dreams,
and I still feel them breathe,
heavily against my body,
and I'm so very sorry,
for every girl who had to worry,
about an unwanted pregnancy,
because they acted so recklessly,
I stand by you during your journey,
and in front of all the jury,
with integrity,
to tell the whole world your story.

This is my story.

as much as you give
to other people
still
it won't be enough

you're not here
to please them

you're here
to please yourself

they don't own you
you own yourself

put faith in yourself

I was drowning
and you were the raindrops

but somehow
you were also the air
that I needed to breath

how it is
I’ll never understand

you are changing
i am changing
we are changing
and it's none of our fault,
is it?

we could've just run away
but both of us don’t
want to give up

both of us
still hold on
to something
i could never
understand

sharp edges
and pointed parts
might shatter me

a single sentence
could hurt me for days
a single name
could tear me for a couple nights


— words are knives
i’m a glass
threat me to the edge
and i’ll crash

I go out every night hoping the moonlight guide me to you
but it’s too dark outside
for a dark soul
whose light was stolen

I tried to walk alone
but it’s too heavy
for an empty soul
whose blood was rinsed

no darling
you didn’t break me
you ****** the oxygen out of me
until like I didn’t even exist