"this doesn't make sense?"
"you like girls?"
"you're just saying this for attention"
I'm sorry I told you
I didn't mean to hurt you
I didn't think you would react like this
you have rounds after rounds at the bar even a year later
drinking away the pain so that maybe when
or if you come home I could be blurry enough to maybe look straight
I'm not saying that I don't like boys anymore Mom
I don't know this right now but
all I know is that when I'm holding her hand
or when I'm looking at her smile nothing else matters
it's like everything that has never made sense finally does when she's here
you try to send me to different counselors to maybe change my mind
you say "it's wrong"
but really nothing has ever felt so right
people talk about "coming out of the closet"
why the **** is there even a closet?
why do I have to "come out"?
why don't straight people "come out"?
why is it so difficult to open up and be who we are?
Mom it's parents like you that make kids stay in the closet
parents are supposed to support their child the most
but I found out they could hurt us the most as well
the counseling will never work
and if you have to drink to deal with the pain
that's fine but I'm not going to sit with you at A.A.

There's something about a cookie cutter that many people like. How perfect it is, how it's handy and controlling, how it's the regular norm for a normal family.

So, they believe, "maybe my kid can be the same". Maybe they can transfer their kids perfectly in life like a cookie cutter can with dough.

But in all reality, not everyone fits that cookie cutter mold. So, they are forced, being shoved into the cutter and broken in the process, leaving them perfect but bruised.

Then once that dough is baked and life is towards its end, they are thrown away as they aren't perfect like all the rest. They are cracked and crumbled. Though, mom still continues, shoving her little dough boy or girl into the cookie cutter, trying to get a new one perfect since she threw away the last... But alas..this one is different too.

In an imaginary world, the mother would have thrown away the cookie cutter and loved the dough the way he or she was.. But instead this is reality, where being cookie cutter perfect is the only option.

So I guess I will begin.
Simple and sweet.
God what a treat.
I thought this life would be.
A November night that was me.
I began to grow.
People around dropped my self esteem low.
I wanted to cry.
Go away and hide.
I began to hate the world.
I wanted to leave.
Just leave me be.
I thought I could be free.
Away with everyone.
To hell I had gone.
Alone.
Then I began to step out.
I wanted to scream and shout.  
I had a secret to hide.
One that sat at my side.
I'm lesbian.
According to some a spawn of satan.
I questioned myself.
Locked my secret away on a shelf.
Finally I told her.
My mother.
Finally no more hiding.
No more careful deciding.
I can be who I am.
I was afraid of being ******.
But who cares.
Everyone concours dares.
Now I sit her talking to you.
The day questions what to do.
So that is me.
My not so simple story.

If you are reading this, I apologize.
I didn't want you to discover me in this way.
I didn't want you to discover me at all.

I thought that I could go on lying to myself,
To continue with this facade,
But I just can't do it anymore.

And I don't know how to 'come out'
In the way that I should
And I'm not even sure if I want to.

But if you're reading this
Then I suppose you already know.
I am who I am, and I can't change that.

Dear world,
    I have something I have been dying to tell you.

For some time I have known something about myself that most of you don’t.
        I know myself better now than I ever have before.

So I have decided to end my hiding.
to let myself live in the light from now on

I spent far too long wondering how you would react when I told you.
Now I know,
how you react is not my choice
it is yours alone
I am who I am
I cannot change and I don’t even want to
I am not ashamed
I am no longer afraid

Your acceptance and love is valuable
but I can stand on my own feet
and
when I my feet get tired and my legs grow weak
they will catch me.
I am loved
I am accepted
And love overcomes all.

So when finally break down the final wall of this cage and I tell you
***
Whether you choose to love me for me
or not
I will be okay
because
I am loved
I am accepted
and I am strong
We are strong and we are not going away

I am the same me
I will speak
I will be a voice for the voiceless
I will be me
and I will never be silent

Ultimately I lost her
Ultimately it was my fault
Just because it was too hard to pretend around my family
Just because of this I lost the one thing in my life that made me want to live
I guess I will have to accept it
I guess I have accepted
But that that doesn't mean I won't rip my mind apart thinking about it
Thinking that maybe if I had just come out
I could still have her
I guess this is goodbye for us