He treats me like a Queen,
Still I can’t help but wonder if he will be like you too
Funny how I am afraid of what he might become yet the most comforting place I’ve ever been is his arms.
I look to him for protection yet I fear him and what he might do,
He’s never given me a reason to doubt him but most of the men from my past life haunt my thoughts, spreading lies like wildfire
I run to him, almost as if being attracted by a magnet, it’s out of my control
I cringe whenever he takes his belt off,
I know he would never hit me yet the memory of leather striking my skin like a whip,
My mother’s hands pounding on the door and her dread-filled screams,
lingers in the back of my mind like a nightmare I cannot escape from
Now that I am older it’s easier to understand she knew what he was capable of,
She had been in my position before,
She never told me as a child because I had this glorified image of him,
He was the first man that seemed like he wanted to take care of us and love us,
I viewed him as a father and even called him Dad
He had just loved his alcohol and cigars more than his love for us
I sometimes start to think about what our future children will look like,
But I stop in my tracks because that evil voice in my head asks “what if he turns out like him”?
Will it always be like this, I fear

Bullies are big and tall,
Bullies hang you off the school wall.
Bullies chew you up and spit you out,
Bullies do it all for nonexistent clout.
Bullies are chocked full of hate,
Bullies are usually a classmate.
But my bullies aren’t at school,
My bullies are at home, where they rule.

I march through a thunderstorm
the same way I marched before
to face my enemy, the devil.

The wind is heavy and violent
trying to knock me off my feet
like a bully I dealt with in school.
But I stand my ground
And keep marching forward
as I have against them.

The sky is full of dark clouds
much like OCD, depression, and PTSD
looming over my head.
But I know the sky will change color;
a beautiful one.

I pass by people running
For their homes to take shelter
and wait for the heavens to have mercy
so they can roam outside.
All my life,
I’ve been running away from my problems
hiding from my enemies.
I have business to take care of
in this storm
and I will get it done
whether the light breaks the fallen sky
or not.
I wait for nothing and no one
And I will fight anything or anyone
that stands in my way.

I’m a stormbreaker.

Thunder strikes
Cowards quake at its roar
The sound reminds me
the clap of the whip
made across my back
as a kid growing up.
But thunder tells me
To be strong and mighty as Thor’s hammer.

I’m offered an umbrella,
but I’m not part of that academy.
I was always shielded from the world
I never took a risk.
I want to live. Freely.
I let the crash of rain
pour on my body like a shower
cleansing me of the filth
I’ve sustained from today.
Drenched from head to toe.

When my business is done
and this storm clears,
I finally rest
and watch the sun rise
on a grateful universe.
I’m aware there will be another storm
worse than the last.

People are fools
believing there’s gonna be sunshine and clear skies for the rest of the week
like the rest of their lives.
They don’t know struggle or pain.
It’s a storm approaching.

And while they will hide,
cover and fear for themselves
I’ll be ready to march again.
Because this ain’t my first rodeo.
I won’t let a storm break me.

I’m a stormbreaker

Regret,
           One word,
Timeless damage condensed to
           Six letters.
That are scented like cheap, Dollar store, perfume
           Titled “Heavenly”.
The stench that you burned into my nostrils,choking me,
            Suffocating me.
A word whose name taste like poison on my battered tongue,
             Bitterly sweetless,
Just like the ***** pouring like fountains from your fingertips,
             Sugar-laced manipulation.
It’s adorned with purple, the colour of the rich,
            Of royalty,
Yet, worn by a wayward, penniless, and perverted sinner,
             Guiltless, guilty.
It’s a word that purrs, “You’re so mature” as its filthy palms grasp my flesh,
             Robbing me.
Robbing me straight from the cradle I slept so ignorantly,
             So soundly.
Stripping me naked as I was born, yet wasn’t I just yesterday?
              Too young.
Far too young to carry the weight of your skin,
               Your sins,
                                           My regret.

The Sandman comes to her around seven,
she prays for dreams sweet as heaven.

But sometimes the dreams,
awaken her with screams.

Monster do not always come in closets,
monster sometimes seem quite modest.

Awakened in a cold sweat,
frightened near death.

Nightmares do not always come in dreams,
nightmares do not always make you scream.

ALesiach © 09/19/2014

A porcelain doll sweet and shy,
lives in a world of mistreatment and lies.
In the shadows and darkness he does come in,
leaving a doll broken, shattered within.

Tiny hands reach out, comfort they seek.
Only to be told, lies they speak.
Trembling and emotionally scarred,
a doll's heart is broken and flawed.

ALesiach © 10/05/2014