Drunk words
I don’t mind
Hug me
Kiss me hard
Push behind
Because
I wanna die.
These wounds?
Doesn’t heal.
You left
I’m drunk again
Over and over.
Erasing you
Everything.
Sober me up
Was everything
A nightmare?
Are you still here?
hold me,
One
Last
Time
Hug
Me
&
Will
Close
My
Eyes
and
You’re
Gone.

i hate airports
i hate the dull colors, the staff who do nothing but the usual routine
i hate the food, if that's any good
but most of all, i hate the idea of parting, the idea of saying goodbye
no matter how near or how far you may go, just knowing that you'll be away from my grasp is painful enough
i hate hearing the plans for your trip
seeing your bags packed in the living room, boxes set just for extra storage
i hate the feeling that something's missing in a home
the voices i once heard, the noise which i didn't mind
they all part on a stupid plane
i hate that "back to normal" air you leave behind
the ride going to the airport
please, just, i don't want to go but you asked me to
every time we inch closer to the airport, i look at you and i want to beg for you to stay but that won't do any good
not anymore, it never will
who am i to mess up your ticket and your flight, right?
the road signs that indicate how close we are
i don't wanna see them
but i have to
i wanna know how much time i have before you get on that plane
i can already imagine the ride back
in that ride alone, you've already left a big mark of your absence
i'd wonder why i could finally move my legs around
then i'll figure it's because your luggage is finally gone
even the seat you sat on is enough to get me to tears
anyway, please don't take photographs
i hate that too
please don't capture this moment where the minute you go in, it'll be the last i'll see of you, at least on the soil i stand on
don't give me a hug, for god's sake don't give me a hug
if anything, i might never let you go
it'll be a while before i get another one of your hugs, so please don't give me a hug
don't give me a hug just to let me feel the emptiness once you walk away
thing is, i'm not the only one feeling this sadness
right and left there are goodbyes
there are couples who are a few goodbyes away from a long distance relationship
there is a kid clinging to her dad's leg asking him to stay or take her along because he's working abroad
there are people sharing words to family members who live far away
there's so many people feeling the same but... why does it still hurt
"be good okay?"
i promise
"we'll call when we get there"
because we both know we won't be able to feel each other physically anymore
"don't cry"
just give me a second
"we'll be back soon"
don't give me this uncertainty
"bye"
don't say that
"bye"
please don't say that
"bye"
don't say that, it'll make me regret ever seeing you arrive in the first place
"bye"
don't say that...

i hate airports

I hope you know
That i gave up my world
To give you the freedom that you want
So that you can fly

Without me tied around your neck,
Or me weighing you down with all of my luggages
To let you soar in the new airspace

I really, really hope that you do now
Because i really am not
And all in all
You were really all i had

We haven’t spoken since March.
Now, isn’t that perfectly depressing?
I think about it a lot.
I think about it while I stare out of the bus windows,
While I let everything rush in and pile on top of me…
the images and trees flitting by…
the flashes of memories of your face, your smile, and your voice.

Everything about you is right beside me,
but I know you’re not really here.
You would never stay around me this long, right, friend?
I’d stay beside you, right there…
maybe forever, if that’s what you need.

Your ungainly hug still leaves warm spots on my shoulders and my side.
I swear that I can still feel you leaning against me.
I know I can still feel the painful knot in my throat, which I tried to hide.
Your embrace:
it made me feel shorter than you, even though we were the same height,
and it made me feel warm even though I was cold,
when it was around eighty degrees Fahrenheit.
It almost made me happy, but I also wanted to cry.
Because it was making me really see that I was saying goodbye.

Melancholic melodies fill the atmosphere
Suddenly it starts to gloom
So does my thoughts
Old memories came flooding in
Stuck in an eternal loop
Flashes of your face here and there
Paralyses me wishing it didn't end
Always coming home to you but you're never there
A room that was fill with your laughter has now gone silent
I know it's been awhile since we met
Please don't make it hard for me
I've suffered enough
I know I shouldn't be doing this
It's tempting to press call on your name
You've changed
You've moved on
Goodbye

You are sunlight
glinting through prisms of raindrops
You fiercely shine a rainforest of colors
Reflecting the universe’s naked heart
A thrill and a marching drumbeat
a quiet window seat next to a bookcase
full of undiscovered prose
and also my beloved classics
So earthy and human
But rising up
Your aura shoots a golden beam
to infinite heavens
You speak and my heart responds