We met three times
Over fifteen years.
The disagreement paled
In light of his diagnosis.

He unexpectedly appeared
At my door, then stood in my kitchen.
He had a few serious questions
About brotherly affections,
And after spitting into my sink
(the poor man)
He wondered if I thought less of him
For not sending cards at Christmas and birthdays.
Is that what he came to say?

Next was at our last family wedding.
He was still steady on his feet.
We were five Irish lads.
The sisters said he was the handsome one.
He was.
There are six of us posing in this final shot.
He's wearing a Lucille Ball tie,
Losened around his neck,
Yet covering the gill-like scar
Running from lobe to lobe.
His hands are buried deep
In his pants' pockets.
His smile says Good-bye.

I saw him for the last time
A few weeks later,
Standing, bent and coughing
At the intersedtion of the roadway and Nature Trail.
His rib cage raging from contortions.
He waved off an offered ride.
And then he was gone.
It took us years to get here.

I love you, dear brother
And for you, will I always be there
Always, have we been close
Right from our school days
Playing a lot of street cricket
Having loads of entertainment
In the form of masala movies
Listening to AR Rahman classics
Debating on Harry Potter-related topics
Playing carrom and chess
The list used to be endless!

I love you, dear brother
So much fun, have we had together
As children, teenagers, adults
Indeed, have we had many a memorable moment
Playing cricket inside the house
And creating a fair amount of chaos
Racking up highly unrealistic totals in book cricket
Going up to the terrace in the evening
And in the process, watching bats
A fair amount of travelling
Especially when it came to trains
Playing the game "20 Questions"
In regards to both cricket and Harry Potter
Going on talking and talking till the wee hours
On a variety of topics
Seriously, were those days epic!!

I love you, dear brother
For me, have you always been there
Advising me from time to time
Always managing to stay calm
Whenever have I gone on ranting and ranting
Taking time out for me while working
Being a shoulder to cry on
Checking on me often
Bringing out the best in me
Not to mention, I'm sure you will agree
It was thanks to you
That I became such an ardent fan of Harris Jayaraj!!

I love you, dear brother
You are going to have an exciting future
So happy am I, for you
Now, is a treat due
Soon, will we meet
Wish you all the very best
And may God bless you
With a truckload of love, happiness, peace and prosperity!!

For four years have I known you
From railfans to close friends
Quite the journey has it been
In the train of relationships

Thou art innocent and sweet
But when it comest to talking
Oh boy, do you set the bar high
With an expertise in four languages
At the age of just twenty-four!!

Every outing we've had
Has been nothing short of memorable
From the hurricane run
On board the famous Pune Shatabdi
To the thrilling boat ride
Through the equally famous Bhigwan Bird Sanctuary
Add a few movies in between
Not to mention, drinks *** dinner
And you have the icing on the cake

Whenever I've come to Pune
I've always felt at home
Your family being the engine
To my train of love, happiness and peace
From your mother's cooking
To your father's hospitality
Not to mention, your lavish home
With a plethora of facilities

You ain't just no friend
But a younger brother as well
Quite the honour has it been
To have you at our home
Something we should do more often
After all, we are thick as thieves

For four years have I known you
And with every year
Our bond has grown stronger
Than even the Rock of Gibraltar
Which ain't no surprise
Since we have a lot in common
Trains, cricket, movies
Food, drinks, cats
The list is endless

For four years have I known you
And our friendship is something to be cherished
As much as India winning a Cricket World Cup
Or a journey in a diesel-hauled train
Or even, Hyderabad's finest Mutton Biryani!!
I endeth on this note
Age is just a number
Even when it comest to relationships

My mind drifts
To that night
You streaked down
Mainstreet shouting
To the late
Night world
That you
Were free

I manage to
Barely stifle
A little laugh
But they all
Knew it was
Me, their eyes
Surely said it

In that box
You're still as
Free as you  
Were that night
And I'm just
The guy who
Laughs at his
Friend's funeral

if love were fish and the bones of them
love's memory would swim through multi-colored cascading  
cathedral fountains
floating by
suspended
with lighted bell shaped alure
and small lips good for kissing

love's memory would swim through
tiny myopic refractions
of shattered life
broken by shafts of
twinkling light that has
no set source

we like the song, then proceed to fade into ourselves
realizing that we are all taking stabs, and
playing rotation with the pain in our flesh
realizing that we might be too harsh, over critical
of ourselves
don't say your name, say theirs
another song that comes on
as we regress into our hide.
Misrepresentation is, saying an important take
with sprinkles of "lol" on the side.
hot words to be carried in air on paper
intended to be thrown as paper plane
with no way to impose a coordinate inside
and we watch it fumble to fly
and watch it fall, crashing to the ground
another waste pollution for our future babies to cry
another reason i stumble when i want to connect with my guys
we just look down and pick up the PS4 pad
to control an already assigned code, to connect in it inside
when there's a jungle waiting to be coded on our insides.
whilst our paper plane on the ground
our thoughts and prayers goes to the sky.

I saw you
As you stared at me
Two deers caught in each other headlights
As brief as a flash, blinked, and you’d miss it

I am only reminded of my heaviness when you are there
Standing – Floating – Watching
As ghostly as any ghost, then
Gone – Vanished – Nothing
I am alone, again, cursed to remain here

I tried to follow in your footsteps
Untangling, unknotting, unravelling
Myself from a generation of debt and duty
These twisted roots of familiar obligations
How did you escape such a similar situation?

I wasn’t born light, like you.
I was born heavy, brother.
I will have to earn my lightness.

Sometimes on rainy days
when the weighty pain becomes unmanageable
I find myself slipping into the tangible delusion
Of ascribing meaning to everything

That maybe you think of me as much as I think of you
That you see my pain and want to help
But it’s just too much for you right now
When you’re ready, you’ll come back to me
You’ll come back.

Sometimes the little lies we tell ourselves
Can be enough to get us through this life

But not tonight.

It isn't the quality of the words that measure truth
it's the men we all see with such clear eyes
Two brothers trapped in a pitched battle
echoes of their roots displayed in a contest of wills
two brothers follow the same dream
two brothers dance the same songs
We can never stop being who we are
we can grow thriving under a perfect sun
but our roots forever spread from the single source
our birthplace and home
Two brothers trapped in a pitched battle
find peace at last in each others truth
we are the same inside the dream
we are fellow travelers
whose nature it is to find hope and love
in the cloudiest of days

.
Hoping the sun don't fail by your eyes be seen. hoping light don't fail to show in the darkness where hope need grow.
Reaching where cruelty always strikes mean, as it's stealing comfort where love wants to gleam.
reflecting on a day was born.. and realizing this is where landed earths storm.
Trying to be grateful, and gives thanks. while being punished in sorrowful branks.
Imprisoned and legendary.. worldwide outside or small roomed inside. Your eyes can see whats visionary,. And nothing can steal your imaginary. Till away you go soaring where earthly eyes can't see... man can't understand God forgiving plans... Or how he makes you whiter then snow in his cleansing hands.
For every fed up day..
Just pray .... pray away walls.. scars.. pains and alls.. faith walk  just walk.. and heavenly talk.. God frees the caged lions...Gives them his blessing new beginnings..
Better then where you are.. you are better then what you have done..
your are better then what's said by any man.. Lift your hands.. Clap your hands oh earthly man..
LIFT Your HANDS.. IN WORSHIP LET FLOW God praise from thy lips..
Be ye comforted.. down to your bones...wrapped in psalms 91.. be covered..
selinasharday s.a.m 2021