I hate you. You made me believe every lie you created.
You broke me. You like to remind me that I am broken.
Which I know.
But I think you fail to realize,
Is that I’d take all the harassment, all the assumptions, and all the lies;
Just to show you..

That I am sorry.
I’m sorry for thinking I’m good with enough.
I’m sorry for the lack of experience in bed.
I’m sorry for being broken and meeting you.

I shouldn’t have dragged you into it, but also
I didn’t deserve the lies and assumption thrown at me for a mistake I regretted.
I didn’t deserve to read the true thoughts you had of Marissa.

Even as I sit here and write.
Trying to bury my tears behind a screen and scream.
You’ll be okay though.

Because I got the jail out of free card.
I don’t have “multiple personalities..”
I’m just the ****. A *****. ****. ****. Leg-opener. Yada. Yada.

Just the same ****.

Our conversations,
it’s like a breath of fresh air.
Trying to hate you as we talk and I can’t help but look at you.
Your features on your face, one of my favorite things about you.
The way your eyes squint more so than usual. How your smile is breathtaking and warms me up. The sound of your voice is so sweet and pure. Your laugh is a sweet harmony of relief and strength.  
But I’m gasoline to your fire, wicked and influencing.
One drop and your flame brightens,
Except I poured too much.
Now you are a blazing inferno, a rage of fire licking up everything in its wake.

Using mistakes I made to help you heal
And letting you hurt me to help yourself.
Until I don’t anymore and I’m broken again.
Never not once thinking that this could be done differently.
It’s a clean straight shot to being okay for you and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to trade it.
After all I am the bad guy in all of this.
I have to regret it.
Have to hate you to be okay.
It’s what we wanted and I have to stick to it.
Doesn’t matter if we love each other.
We can never be as okay as we hoped.
You could just let me leave,
But I know you won’t or you can’t.

We wouldn’t have to be reminded,
We wouldn’t have to listen to each other’s accusations,
We wouldn’t have to pretend to not have any feelings just so we can play Superman.

I wouldn’t have to think that I’m the worst.

sometimes I think,
and sometimes I wonder...
could we have been in love?
could we have really loved each other?
sometimes I think,
and sometimes I dream,
of what we could have had...
of what we could have been...
and now you're gone,
and now it's too late,
and now I'm left here
to wonder, to cry, to wait...
and now you've moved on,
you don't remember me at all...
you've burned all the bridges,
you let me crumble and fall...
sometimes I think,
and sometimes I wonder...
could you have saved me?
could you have fixed me?
could you have even loved me at all?

Goodnight my love, it is time to lay our bodies to rest.
I stare at the wall, every way I sleep, there’s a wall. And as I stare into this wall I think of the day that has gone to past.
You of course.
Unfortunate conversation, more lies, and trying to keep a distance.
Strange as it may seem, I enjoyed it.
Your name popping up on my screen.
The calls.
The bantering.
But, all good things must come to an end, just as the day does.
A ghost of a kiss I send to you tonight and an apology for the morning.
For this will confuse you some more.

The day is over. You can be at peace.
Play your video games, listen to your songs, watch your shows and just relax.
The plans you have will be in your dreams and your dreams will become your reality. Keep dreaming Mi Corazón.
You will know when it’s time to rest. Until then be at peace.

Now though it’s time too sleep. Close my eyes and put my head on my pillow.
Letting my mind clear of all things coming and going.

I inhale.
I cannot hope and I cannot let you get to me again.
I exhale.
Inhale.
I need to hurt myself to be okay.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Everything has a path it leads to.
Exhale.
Inhale.
I love you.
Exhale.

Goodnight my Sun and Stars. May you forever stay bright. May the force be with you. I hope your journey goes well. God speed.

It’s that time of a breakup.
Where you start to feel regret,
You get sick, you can’t sleep and no amount of ***** and drugs can get you out of being stuck.

Stuck, lost, and afraid.
What if’s and what won’ts.
To take another leap or move on. Even after all that’s happened.
How is one suppose to forget that.
There are so many thoughts going through my mind tonight/morning, it’s currently 4:35am.
If we could turn back time, I’d put my foot down harder.
If we could turn back time, I’d never would’ve broke again.
If we could turn back time, I’d never have swiped right.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me.
Knowing that you can push my buttons with every lie you make, telling me things of my life that never even came to pass.
It’s okay though because I see it now.

Hate, anger, and depression all seeping back in one step at a time and truth is. It’s getting me through this stage of want and need for you.
To think I gave you so many chances, to fix yourself, to be truly consistent with your changes, and trying to listen to your thoughts even though it would lead to arguments.

I will never get the chance to tell you how wrong you were for me.

I will never get the chance to tell you how happy you did make me when we weren’t being dumb.

I will never get the chance to say that I love you with everything I still have. The worst part about all this..
I could never go back to you.


You made me hurt and you keep making me hurt.
You tell me you don’t want me to hate you yet you say the most rambunctious things about my one person.
Lots of talk about change yet, this would be out biggest obstacle and you couldn’t handle it.

I just hope the next girl who is in favor doesn’t feel what I feel. Doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. Doesn’t make you think badly about yourself.
One who makes you feel so ******* important, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be her.