I saw her the other day
Tried to avoid her
Hoping she would not see me

My friend called me over
I could have walked right past her
To get to his desk
But i took the long way around

He asked about my birthday
Even though he was there
He asked about my grandparents
Even though he already knew

I kept my voice low
Not wanting her to hear
Still, my eyes found her
Just for a moment
And it shattered me all over again

I cannot process
How she is so unfazed
How she has erased our history

How she has simply let go.....

"Words cannot express how much today meant to me.

I can tell just how much effort you’ve put into these special days to really make me happy and feel loved, and I do.

I feel so loved I guess that’s part of why I got so emotional because I have so much more to lose now and that’s scary.

I love you so very much.
You are my man.
My everything
and I adore you."

Her words: proof that I mattered. At least on that December night.

I didn’t just love her
I chose her
In the quiet
In moments
no one else saw

I gave her steady hands
and a heart that never flinched
I loved her when it was easy
I loved her more when it wasn’t

I memorised her fears
softened my voice to hold them
I learned her silence
waited in the dark
without needing light

My love didn’t ask to be returned
It asked to be real
So I gave it
even when I was tired
even when it cracked me open

Four months have come and gone
The axis of the earth has shifted twice since you left
Autumn ended
Winter dragged its bones across my door
And now, today, it is the first day of spring
It is 21 September 2025

I thought I would be healed by now
But I am still speaking your name in silence
The tears come and go
And my love remains

I miss you so
And you will never know
In the dead of night I scream your name
I am the only one of us still carrying this pain

Every day
I fight the urge to call you
To text you
To tell you that I still care
To tell you that I love you

i don’t know
why i allow
you to step
into my life.

i’ve fought
so long
for peace—

you walk right in
like you’ve got
the right.

you got me
feeling stuck
in place.
i waived the flag,
called a truce—

but instead of
stillness,
you chose
the chase.

what do you want,
anyway?

i spent so long
trying to figure it out—

but it’s still
the same lines
on a different day.

i don’t know
why i let you
circle back
again,

when all you do
is skirt the truth
and keep me
in your game.

A clear Sunday in early May, hitching on the back of your old bike, the sun blinking sluggishly through verdant, street-side trees.  

You locked up against some railings, pushed the door with a jangling bell. Our fingers found each other across the aisles.

The shop smelt of must and lost decades. Dusty sheets threw spectres over looted treasures from long-gone homes.

And the gems we found: two candlesticks winking from the corner at the couple – the final touch to make this thing whole.  

Ten months of us. Too soon to be playing house, playing adults. Bold and brassy, those brave turrets gleamed on our mantle with:

my wooden elephants,  
and your expensive speakers,  
and our broken radio,  
and my loathed incense,  
and your tacky books,  
and our pointless arguments,  
and my guilty frustration,  
and your resentful adoration,  
and our ******* mess.  

Eight months too long, staring at the bold brass and hating them, making them home in boxes labelled Yours and Mine and What a Waste.

I miss my freedom within your absence,
when I stretched between the memories.
Now I'm stuck between the moments,
my eyes tired from believing
your arms were safe for me to sleep in.