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Unknown Jun 2021
FP
Why am i like this?
Why me? Why why why..

That's all i ever ask myself.
Why this, Why that.
Why why why.

Perhaps thats why your leaving.
Perhaps that's why all the others left.
Because WHY wouldn't you?

Why why why..
Cerasium Jun 2021
You know it surprises me
How little we think about it
When we are happy
It seems natural

But in reality
We as humans
Aren’t a happy species
But a sad one

We cling to others
It drives away the loneliness
It drives away the sadness
It drives away the fear

But when we lose that one person
That can make all the darkness
Just disappear into thin air
We regress to our nature state

It haunts us subconsciously
We don’t think about it til it’s too late
And once it happens we fight to fix it
And sometimes it can’t be fixed

Sometimes things break too much
And no amount of time will fix it
And then the darkness sets in
Causing us to fall father into despair

The self doubt sets in
And it only gets worse from there
Doubt turns to hatred
And it turns into a never ending battle

Some are able to overcome it
Some are not able to
And it’s the ones who can’t overcome
That you should worry about the most

The darkness has set root in their hearts
So deep that it’s almost ingrained
It becomes a part of them
And they will never be the same

Some don’t make it
Others do
But don’t leave them alone for too long
Cause loneliness is when it’s the worst

Their minds race with so many thoughts
Voices screaming and yelling
That they’ll always be alone
Or much much worse

This is currently where I stand
On the edge of abyss
I have a person I like
That makes the darkness run away

They come around
From time to time
But when they are away
I feel completely alone

When they are around
I feel like I can be happy again
And when I’m with them I am
Like I can take on the world

But when I’m alone
It’s a different story
I feel lost and abandoned
Feeling like no one actually cares

And to be honest
I think they are the only one
Who actually understands
The darkness of my mind

I’m not a smiley person
Nor am I a people person
But when I’m around them
I smile and socialize

They make me feel safe
Like I can trust them with anything
And they won’t judge me for it
I don’t feel like I need a mask

I like being their friend
But I want something more
Something deeper in connection
But I don’t think they feel the same

I don’t want to be lost forever
I don’t want to have a lonely existence
I want to feel safe with them by my side
For the rest of our lives

I just don’t know where to begin
I don’t know how to start
Or where it will end up
All I know is I can’t do life without them
Noah Jun 2021
i always find
myself
explaining

why am i always
explaining
explaining
explaining

as if i have to justify
each little thought
any brief phrase
the slightest movement

in anticipation of being
questioned
i answer what they were
never even going to ask

am i really so used
to everyone not believing
me? that explanation
has become an impulse
that is impossible to deny


the terror of who-knows-what
creeps up my left arm until it's
weighed down by lead

it seeps into my blood and my brain
poisoning me now
communication doesn't work and then
communication doesn't work

it soaks into my bones
never letting me forget these habits i've learned
years later remembering to leech out just enough
of the remaining toxin
to keep me stuck in my old ways

stuck
explaining
explaining
explaining
L May 2021
[...] and the greater the wound the greater the fang. And, when we experience trauma that is given to us by so many people, we find that we have become every one of them at once. In my body I hold every trauma. In my eye is all of theirs. In the eyes of God, I am an abomination.
elle jaxsun May 2021
i already miss flying
high above myself,
unaware of every ****
i should be giving.

i plant flowers in my
wounds instead,
fully aware—I feel them
grow from me
& bloom.

painful, beautiful.

and so powerful.

I used to find power in
deflecting
neglecting
rejecting &
subjecting myself.

healing is hurting.
healing is hurting.

hurt people hurt people.
but healed people heal people.
and maybe sometimes they’re the same person.
05/04/2021
Giselle Louise Apr 2021
You’ll never know what’s going on inside my brain
I’m not that girl anymore
Who writes poems from the inside to match new scars on the outside
And you’re lucky
You’ll never wake up to a new post about my ****-ups
Or get a call begging you to stop them from happening
I’m not that girl anymore
I wasted that on the wrong person
I gave up
And you’re lucky
April 19, 2021
Delyla Nunez Apr 2021
It’s a mask to put over my head.
It’s the alcohol consumed to numb the mind.
It’s acting as if I’m okay because nobody cares.
Letting go of everything that I need to keep me going is gone,
Everything I did for myself slipped down the drain.
I worked so hard.
I fought for so long.
I tried for everything.

Why am I still the let down,
Even when I communicate.
My depression has gotten worse. I’m sorry.
lazarus Apr 2021
I didn't realize that I had missed the rabbits so
til I nearly stumbled over one in the dark and dew

impossibly still and also bounding with movement, vibrating
a tenacious anxiety reflected back to me in more than one
lost, drunken, exasperated moment
memories inevitably left in backseats and waterlogged journals
the thorny irony of holding fervently what this life means to me
and for me
knowing I've forgotten nearly most of it
to trauma
and to time

why would I tuck away the times I've made myself the image of my parents?
why cherish and return to the slur of dysfunction and imbalance
why build myself on the moments I broke upon

each falter is palmed inside me
slick and pressed with dust
the life of every love and bond
I can't release
for fear that I will sink into the sky
for fear that I've only ever been a reflection
is it empathy? maybe it's a pervasive fear of abandonment
as you cannot leave me if you need me
as you cannot fear me if you trust me
as you cannot without me
and I, you
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