True nightmares aren't in color
True nightmares are in black and white
True nightmares don't end when you wake up

I have w e i r d anxiety
And I don’t quite k n o w where to put it
I feel off
Like watching a black and white movie when you’re a kid with a theme that’s b e y o n d you and knowing that you don’t quite know what it’s about
A lack of an aboutness with yourself
Much about what I do and where I go and who I see
And triumphantly living this l i f e
As I w a n t
But feeling a l i t t l e far from m y s e l f

I’m writing a bookmaybe I should get back to it

tidak disadari, langit yang biru berubah
menjadi warna oranye dan ungu muda.
perpaduannya pun sangat indah,
ditemani pula oleh kicauan burung yang sunyi.

selang waktu berjalan, hati semakin berat,
pena dan kertas, aku bertemu lagi denganmu.
langit yang indah tiba tiba berteriak,
seperti singa yang mengaung ditengah ladang.

apakah mungkin, bahwa kita melihat langit yang sama?
perbedaan waktu yang tidak masuk akal, ingin membuatku
menguras air di lautan yang biru,
yang menghalangi pertemuan kita.

gila, bukan?
aku berbicara kepada kertas putih,
layaknya kertas ini adalah sahabatku,
atau kuping yang selalu mendengar.

tangisan hati pun terlalu keras, malam ini.
langit yang indah, sekarang bersaturasi,
menjadi warna abu abu yang gelap,
jadi ini, toh.

ini, yang dinamakan
berbicara kepada kertas,
saat air mata milik senja,
turun dari langit.

the darkness of the night consumed me,
my heart is dull and i'm heaving for air

i’m sorry, mom.

i didn't mean to shout,
i didn't mean to argue,
i didn't mean to slam the door,
and i didn't mean to get mad

the regret left my lips as i exhaled deeply,
my hands grasping on my blanket
while tears are furiously streaming down
my dark orbs

you are always so soft to me,
caressing me in your arms,
like i am an angel born into this world,
you treasure me so much.

9 months,
the pain that you had to endure while
carrying me in your belly,
walking around like you're okay

and years,
the struggle that you had to go through
while raising me and my brother as your child,
smiling through it all like you’re okay

i am yet to give you what you deserve,
mommy, please wait for me.

**** bookends
**** closure
**** the black and the white

**** the knots
******* neat
Cause that really ain't life

Life's messy
There's dirt
It's not simple and clear

It's the road
It's the journey
And the path you take there

You are a sunflower
Stand tall
Let your limbs reach down to the earth
Feel grounded
Feel happiness
Feel peace

You are bright colours
Greens and yellows
Against blue backdrop skies
Feel proud

I am a sunflower
Whose colours have faded
My limbs droop and sag
Feel uprooted
Feel anger
Feel war

I am dull colours
Blacks and whites
Against grey backdrop skies
Feel defeated

I am a tragedy
And might I remind you
As we approach the end
That the best tragedies seem
Like they might
Maybe
Just maybe
Have a happy ending

That is
Right up until the
Very
Last
Minute