#bipolardisorder poems on Hello Poetry

October 5d

Everyday is a battle and most days I am losing
This pill, that pill, which mood am I choosing
Ha, but if only I was truly in control like that
My brain, like a peak under the Mad Hatter's hat
Only remembering the hypomanic states
Looking back, reading old entries to realize most of the time was gray
A rollercoaster ride for which I cannot part
The reason, the escape, for running and art
But the saddest part is the deep markings of childhood trauma is what's to blame
Causing me this whiplash of feelings for which I will never tame

#bipolardisorder

Elena Feb 15

Manic episode

Thoughts racing
Pupils dilated
Put on my eyeliner
On ****** eyes
No sleep for nights
Red lipstick
Sweet smell of parfume
To cover the smoke
Sun shines on my pale skin
My whole body shaking
And then I realise
And then I greet
Another manic episode

#bipolardisorder #bipolar #manic #manicepisode

Sacrelicious Jun 2023

Why?

All my life's worth has already been determined.
By the scales, by the mirrors.
By the people and their words.
My thoughts, intrusive swords.
Weapons used against me
In my own mind.
Against my will.
I'm just fawning in the flames.
Like a deer in the headlights.
The lights are on but nobody's home.

#bipolardisorder #mentalhealth #ptsd

Elena Jul 2022

Cry for help

this life
in waves
up and down like up on a rollercoaster
all the time
manic and depressed
round and round and round
stop this
please
i lost my youth
to hospitals and pills
i don't want to be sick

#bipolardisorder #sick #sad #depression #manic #dark

Elena Jul 2022

Manic depression

This hell that consumes me
Gets the best of me
What have I done to put up with this suffering
Months of depression
And then light shines bright
Welcome to the manic world voices said
There is no exit
From this cycle
It is like being buried alive
Crying and screaming
Laughing and running all over the world

#dark #bipolar #bipolardisorder #manic #depressed #depression #mania

faust Jul 2022

affective instability

i wonder if my suicide attempt did in fact **** me
and this is hell.
with each one, it seems to get worse.

time always moves backwards and then suddenly it’s forward.
i live in my memories. flashbacks. nightmares.
nightmares if i sleep at all.
and when i don’t, the friends behind my ear
keep me company.
the roommates in my head drown me
and blur my vision.
i feel red in my eyes when i get this way.
the stars fall like the burning fireballs they are
and the screams are unbearable
and the cries are aching
and my heart is being pulled out of my chest
like flowers off its root.
when i’m this way, i’d rather die.

parties isolate me.
loneliness swallows me in screaming and begging.
how did i get this way?
i don’t want it.
take it from me.
maybe then i’ll be able to live happy.

borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder tg ****

#dissociation #bpd #borderline #depression #bipolardisorder

Empire Feb 2021

Hypomania

It's a fascinating experience indeed
To know you're unbalanced
To know there's something wrong
To be really very confident
and to have red flags waving
But people are easily fooled
So you enjoy your high
Knowing you should listen to your therapist
Knowing she's absolutely right to worry
Knowing you'll disregard every one of her warnings
Knowing you'll lie over and over again
Because you want to be free
From the ******* of the pills
You just have to know
If they're what's ****** you up

Have you ever watched bipolar disorder set into someone? It's frightening and thrilling.

#bipolar #bipolardisorder #mania #manic #high #spiral #mentalhealth #mentalillness #medication

Mariana Oct 2020

Bipolar Disorder

Friends and family often ask me what suffering from bipolar is like
I always give the same cookie-cutter response.
It is comprised of really high highs
It also has really low lows and
If you are fortunate enough you have periods of baseline.
I  have never been able to explain that complexity in my head.
I was never been able to explain the pain and suffering that has been happening for over 8 years.

I was never able to explain that the lows are sometimes last months or years of hate and self-loathing.
I was never able to explain the thought never stops you can not eat, sleep, or breathe without feeling pain.
I was never able to explain that you feel like your drowning and
       you are using all your energy to stay afloat that it is easier to just give up some time and sink.
I was never able to explain that everything is spinning out of control that you cling on to anything you can.
I was never able to explain that the hurtful thing I caused to myself
       was out of survival to show to myself I could still control
               something, anything in a place that feels like you will never feel stable again.

I was never able to explain how the highs are not highs they are a
  monster dressed as an angle that seduces you to believe that things are better.
I was never able to explain how that demon pushes you past all your limits until you find yourself alone and drained.
I was never able to explain the addiction to the feeling of happiness that comes on occasions with the highs
I was never able to explain that after living in darkness for so long the high is all you can ask for even if you know it will hurt you.

If I had to explain to people now what it is like to suffer from bipolar disorder is like, I would say it is exhausting.
The thoughts never end.
They never stop no matter how depressed or manic you are.
You lie awake all night because you can not silence them.
You wake up before sunrise because your awoken by the racing of the thoughts.
Your brain never stops.
You are left on the floor immobilized unable to do anything but listen to your head feeding you lies.
You are left with a body that can no longer function.
You are left exhausted and that feeling never goes away.
If I had to describe bipolar disorder in one word it would be
Exhaustion

#mentalillness #bipolar #help #unexplainable #bipolardisorder #bipolar2 #weak

Vellichor Aug 2020

Prescriptions

It’s funny really
How I know the names of my poisons
Most people never know what they drank
Until it’s too late
But I take mine with food twice a day
Maybe that means I’m mad

#bipolar #meds #medications #bipolardisorder #poison #prescriptions #madness

Aliah Brimhall Mar 2020

Mania

I am the best thing in the history of the world!
I will fix everything that's wrong in my life!
I am brilliant
I am strong

I haven't slept in days
that's normal ,
right?

I just bought tons of art supplies at walmart!
Sure it cost a lot of money but art is my calling

There is an argument in my head
can you make it stop?
my brain is split into two

I just want to sleep
please tranquilize me

this is mania

#bipolardisorder #mania #hypomania