“Okay, now that we are settled, I’d like to ask you a couple questions.”

“Would you like a parent or guardian here?“

No.

“Are you sure? A support would be-“

I need none of what you offer.

“..You do realize what hangs in the balance?”

I am all knowing, I am aware of everything.

“It is interesting you decide to say something like that. I’d like to ask..”

You
Are
Not in control

“Listen, I am just trying to get a sense of… you.”

_Did you expect me to cut you off? How low do you think of me.

“Stop, please.. just stop.”

stop? STOP? YOU WANT ME TO STOP? I BET YOU DO! I WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD DO TO GET ME TO STOP!

Your eye..

….

I’m.. I regret that, I’m sorry. I’m tired, really.

“You are..just a child.”

And you are just a woman.

Hm

You seem uncomfortable. So, to lighten the mood you must answer a simple question.

Do you fare well in the darkness?

“I ask the-“

I feel it all around us, It is suffocating. Your beautiful face is hidden behind something, what it is I cannot tell

“Darkness.. we were talking about darkness, tell me more about it.”

Do you like it when I hover over you?

Do
You..

“No. Sit down, now.”

Do you like it when you feel my breath? If you feel anything at all.

“Give. Me. Space.”

SHUT UP! I need you to just BE QUIET. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT-

“Sit..”

Please.. I’m sorry. I am.

I- Are you not going to, tell me it is okay?

“The truth doesn’t matter here.”

The sun is nothing more than a ray of hope that will stop shining down on us the moment we see the truth.

“Look, I—“

Do not speak over me

****. Off..

No, don’t. DON’T LEAVE

I need to ask you again.. do you fare well in the darkness?

….

“no.”

Niether do I.

to be loved endlessly
to have the screaming stop; just for a minute; in their arms-

I do not know how to describe it.

for as long as i have known,
i have never slept
without my shoulders heavy and back in unwinding knots.

im not even ******* grown yet.
it scares me;
adolescence has gotten me all twisted up
whatever will happen,
when i fall to the mercy of the treacherous claws of life?

sometimes i wonder,
where the **** did my adolescence even go?
man i just want to be a kid
to live my beautiful kid life
without any pain
in a dreamy house with a burning fire
parents, who love, with a desire;
to live,
to flourish!
friends, free and true
none of this rivalry; ado.

In a quest to find myself I set out in disguise
I trekked many a winding valley and mountainside
And it was a very many years before I found Myself; at last.
For I was wearing a very good disguise.

Human life moves fast
shows things, words, convinces

It shows things that are not created,
but about what is created in the heart
No healthy person will say

And even when life is sad
Don't lose hope, because it's very tedious anyway

Everything is falling apart
You're lying on the ground, you're in despair

Suddenly a ray of sunshine appears,
Drivetrain like in a sports car
Engine straight from the sky

It's coming back, and you want to change it, present it like a bestseller,
Put it on a distant shelf, away from light, eyes of the gaze
for old memories

And when you see yourself in the mirror after grayness and indifference... You bet something...
It's love, faith, hope

-Happiness at last, faith at last,
As if my punishment had passed, you thought
not seeing your reflection that you have already seen,
reflections from the mirror of childhood. It's faith

Not only old memories will remain

it shines like the city
and it breaks like the bridge
and we should be drunk
but this is a school trip
they’d find exhaust in my lungs
if they did my autopsy
i’m soaking up in puddles
wanna breathe gasoline

the heat is too sweaty
and the people don’t smile
and it’s not LA
But let’s stay for a while
and you hate LA
it’s all concrete and palm trees
so let’s go get burgers
let’s go get ice cream

glitter like winners
and it’s sticky out here
and somewhere it’s winter
but somewheres never here
this station’ all yellow
am i in a movie?
this is living, worth filming
i’m finally breathing

scream off the balcony
up 46 floors
suburbs in the sky
wanna break down the door
live like real people
leave our shoes on the floor
watching the sunrise
and still wanting more

It's ***** in your shirley temple
sweet like syrup
give me life so simple.
Dad once told you
your mom went mental
punishment for being gentle
mindlessly experimental.
It's not true
she just wanted to leave him
because the baby came and
he won't stop cheating.
Life is hard
you took a beating
I will salve
and stop the bleeding.
Cut my shirt
it's sacrificial
cover up
loud wolf whistle.
Pigtails bouncing
childhood giggle
I'm your girl
your hellfire missile.
Chop the tree
and hang the tinsel
this year is better
almost sinful.
Guilty catholic
death feels massive
give me something
to feel passive.
Life is so short
it just passes
we're too happy
on our *****.

Air is full of micro plastics
I don't care
forgot my mask is
hanging in my
high school classes.
Gone true beauty -
false eyelashes.
You're a show car, you're just so classic
let them ride
when you're high on acid.
Swirling visions
swift collision
I saw you there
in a sick prevision.
Sweet slow dancing
in your kitchen
give me your hand
and let me fit in.
I could save you
cinematic
it's meant to be
nothing tragic.
Saw you crying
in the attic
wasted breath
and wasted talent.
Kiss your check
you're not a has been
tastes like salt lick
compulsive action.
I see you in a
main attraction
replay every
interaction.
Obsessive in
a healthy fashion
filled with longing
full of passion.

Regret every
check I cash in
economic low and
nothings lasting.
Mid life crisis
find your vices
look at you with
blown out iris.
Someday we'll find
a way to fight this
belief of justice
violently righteous.
Simple cheek kiss
idiotic kindness
purposeful blindness
in the face of hard times
someone guide us.

When I was younger, I thought I was as mature as a teenager
Now in my adolescence, I realize i'm still not as mature as teenager
Mature is a state of mind
And if the state of my mind is consistently and always scrambled, how can I be as mature as a teenager.
When I was younger I wanted to be a teenager
The freedom in driving and plethora of friends that I knew I would have.
My naivety
No one tells you that when you're a teenager, you can be surrounded by people, but still feel like no one gets you.
You also don't want to be the angsty teenager
So **** it up and
b friendly
Be popular
be cool
I don't think my mind or my mouth got the memo
Friendly I am
But I don't think i've ever hit that cool mark
But really, who needs cool when you can overthink your entire existence
Ah, being a teenager the best years of your life
Really just really soak that in

We spent at least 15 minutes in the parking lot,
Everyday.
Itching in the grass and making up arguments.
Waiting for my mom to pick me up from your house after school,
Spraying mist out the water hose at each other and into the sky.
Over invested in card games and extra-murals.
Got locked out of your club penguin account.
I lied to my mom about the pickup time,
So we could play pool a bit longer.
All that nothing might have been everything.
Wait for the bus with me sometime again.

Be more gentle
the glue is not yet set
neither child nor man
but something in between
you are as yet unformed
a wondering restless thing
forever rearranging
the shifting sea
which constant breaks
and beats the rocks
with pounding fists
to make them change
they will not shift
be not angry at a world
which moves too slow
and way too fast for me
be more gentle, wait a while
find the shape you want to be