Depression has become an insulin injection
       A necessary evil

             Only required because I have been underneath it's moon so long

       Any other tide pull would surely drown me in confusion

1680

Sometimes with the Heart
Seldom with the Soul
Scarcer once with the Might
Few—love at all.

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

if i believe
in death be sure
of this
it is

because you have loved me,
moon and sunset
stars and flowers
gold crescendo and silver muting

of seatides
i trusted not,
                    one night
when in my fingers

drooped your shining body
when my heart
sang between your perfect
*******

darkness and beauty of stars
was on my mouth petals danced
against my eyes
and down

the singing reaches of
my soul
spoke
the green-

greeting pale-
departing irrevocable
sea
i knew thee death.

                              and when
i have offered up each fragrant
night,when all my days
shall have before a certain

face become
white
perfume
only,
          from the ashes
then
thou wilt rise and thou
wilt come to her and brush

the mischief from her eyes and fold
her
mouth the new
flower with

thy unimaginable
wings,where dwells the breath
of all persisting stars

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
Life would be delight,—
But things couldn’t go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn’t be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I’d be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn’t be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,—
Yet they’d all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn’t be we.

The intensity you scream
         is a hard pill to swallow
The density of your brain
         makes you hard to follow
Like wading through a creek,
         your mind's so shallow
Skimming through the mud,
         your thoughts have no flow
Up river without a paddle,
         now you got nowhere to go

I miss you
Now you only exist through photographs
     And I wonder if you smile between the frozen moments I see of you
   I plead its true
          Cause I'm bleeding new negatives of myself
    But the only pain I've felt was putting you on a shelf
                 I can't see it any different
    I think of you an infant and now I see you crawling and I wanna call your momma but I wonder if it matters and when to cut ties
     I cut all the veins until most of it died
     I got blood on my hands but most of it dried
  Somehow the blood mixed with filth and a vine grew inside
      And I wonder if I can touch your face if I climb

        *When is all lost?
When its all tossed aside and goes out with the tide?
                   I need a vanilla sky to make a horizon and bring back the water
             Meanwhile I hear mommas having a daughter and I want her to be a doctor automatically
     Cause success is something none of us ever got to see

Why?* If we had such a great start,
to my bed I ask before I fall asleep,
while I'm trying not to fall apart,
before memories roll down my cheecks.

Did I made you inside my head?
Your smile nourished my soul
and now I'm starving in my bed.
You where all I could've imagined.

Did I made you inside my head?
I'd die for another night in your bed.
I'm not smart enough and I blame this heart.