The leaves rustling together, dancing in the wind.
The roots entangling, grabbing onto the earth.
The branches rubbing, staying up against gravity.
The trees dance is a unique one.
Neither slow or fast.
Neither graceful or clumsy.
But it is certainly one that must be witnessed.

September 14th, 2014
I looked at you;
As you screamed at me, over a silly permit.
So I took a chance and asked you that burning question.
"What's more important to you, dad? Me or the alcohol?"
All you did was look at me.
You looked like you either wanted to **** me, or yourself.
That night, I left your stubborn hold.
Abandoned everything I knew.
Left everything that I loved.
I watched the street lights go by, blurred by the tears in my eyes.
The radio turned up to try and drown out my sobs.
To try and drown out the echo of your voice in my head.
You thought I was joking.
You thought it was just a teenage phase.
Did you know what you were doing?
The bruises you were leaving?
The things you would call me?
Ever since April 27th, 1999...
My life was a struggle.
You seemed to do everything you could to make it worse.
Why didn't you just **** me?
Why didn't I just **** me?
Little did you know...
My life was a struggle.
I almost quit.
But I am stronger than you will ever be.
No punch,
No slap,
No bruise,
No word,
Nothing will ever bring me down.
Especially not my own father.
Now thanks to you,
People can depend on me,
I can depend on me.
Because my purpose... Is to live.

Too many lies have touched my ears for 17 years of life.
"I'm busy."
"I'll be there in five minutes."
Sure some lies are normal.
"You're beautiful."
"You're so funny."
But next time,
"You're an amazing artist."
"You're so smart!"
Could you please
"I love spending time with you."
"You're a great person."
Just tell me the truth?
"I'll never leave you."
"I love you."

Just here on the verge of tears.
Wondering when it'll go away.
If it'll ever go away.
I don't need it.
I want it.
Will I survive?
Probably.
Do I want to?
That's a different story.

I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of waking up every morning think the same thing.
     "Will I do it today?"
     "What if I did do it today?"
     "No one would notice anyway."
I'm tired of missing the pain.
      I don't want the pain of a blade anymore.
      I don't want to miss /him/ but I do. I miss the pain he gave me.

I'm tired of remembering. Remembering why /he/ hit me. Why /he/ yelled at me. Why /he/ didn't love me.

I'm tired of fighting. All my life I've been fighting for myself and I no longer have the strength. I was never meant to fight on my own.

But yet... After all this...

I won't give up. Not until this feeling of being so tired is over.
I can't just quit...
Maybe one day.... It'll all be okay.

I've come to a realization. I have finally accepted who I am. For those of you who don't know, I used to self-harm. I would wake up everyday, see my scars and hate who I am. But I have stopped that horrible behavior and for the longest time still hated myself. Now, I can look at my scars and say that I don't regret them. They have made me into who I am today, and for once... I can look at myself and finally say I'm beautiful. I'm not saying this for attention, I'm saying it for those of you who've done the same thing or want to. All of you will eventually have the same realization even if it's in the next five minutes or the next five years. There's always hope. And just think, today is a new day, maybe today will be the day it all gets better.