they didn't show me how to swim
still they will throw me
into the deep end.
what if I don't know how to swim?
what if I don't have a lifebuoy?
what if I sink?
what if I float?

story began in 1993
always outside,
always playing
whenever the sun was out
we were as well.

we played with marbles
we played hide and seek
hopscotch
and shadow tag
who could forget.

we would climb trees
grass stain our sneakers
and ruin our trousers
blow bubbles
and stick bubblegum
in the girls’ hair.

things were so simple
not a worry, not a care
now it’s apartments
love
work
career
taxes
responsibility,
I miss the old days.
I miss being a youngster.

she waits on the streets
ready to meet the one
walking up and down the avenues
hopefully to run into a pleasant man.
but they never are.
always *******
gross
crude
what money does to people.

every week
she gets her allowance
from the one she calls "daddy"
and most of it is wasted
on cheap beer and
cigarettes.

as you read this
she's making dollars
in a squeaky bed
in a basement
and she's only fifteen.

are noises
and scribbles on a page
we assign meaning to
and
unfortunately
so much importance.

please,
don't worry
i have never been better.
got no job
no friends
lost my daughter at birth
lost the love of my life
but i'm walking around
in my pretty daze
trust me,
i am better
than ever.

back home
we talk past each other
and always about other people
in our circles.
we only care
about ourselves.

back home
we have a small garden
eight feet of space
nice and well-kept
shielding out the concrete reality.

back home
we smoke so much
we've forgotten the taste of fresh air.
we smoke until our rooms get blue
and our lungs black.

we smoke to **** time
and ourselves.

back home
not only smoke fills the air
shouts
shrieks
screams
and happy pop tunes
endlessly on the radio.

have a nice life
don’t let me stop you
you were always
full of life
everyone laughed
I wish it was contagious.

have a nice life
tell mom i loved her
tell dad i hated him
tell yourself you
were my everything.

have a nice life
try to
even though i couldn’t.
Hearts break
or turn to lead
in this mad world.