I've got nobody to lean on.
People are on all the sides.
I am starting to feel like
I'm stranded on an island.
My world is breaking apart.
I am not in control of my ship.
I'm hauled towards icebergs.
This is not the life I'd wanted.
I've got a big smile on my face
Swallowing the raging storm in.
I hide these details of my silly life
Making it look perfect for all eyes.
I need to make a quick escape
Before I'm stranded here forever.

My world had turned small for some time. For a while, I had a great deal of things that scared me. It was at that time that I and Paul met and become close buddies. I was afraid of dreaming and trusting. I was afraid of giving more and ending up in an inescapable, disheartening web of *******. I was afraid of commitments. He had the same fears. Through the tales that brought about these fears we connected, though I would have done anything for the people I loved even back then. I was blind and overlooking, cuddling with my own insecurities. Things have changed a great deal as I have got on to my next phase of life. Slowly my fears are leaving me. I'm not afraid to give people my all. I'm not scared to love. I'm dreaming with open eyes with only possibilities in mind and a belief in myself of getting  all that  i want. I stand strong for people I love and have comforting words for others too. Upon meeting him after such great changes in my life, I couldn't help noticing how small his mind and heart are for even the people closest to him. I can't close my eyes and overlook now. I don't like him anymore. I might seem like a ***** but I hardly care.

Feeling never ending cycles of
Greatness and misery
Trapped in a world of illogical ideas
Every thing seems so bothersome

...
     "This isn't who you are."

    "You're not the girl I used to know."

   "I don't know who you've become."

He repeats these lines
So much these days
It annoys me more than
A broken record ever could
Ever should
Ever would
Cause I told him
I warned him thoroughly

     "I'm not nice."

    "You won't like the real me."

   "I'm not worth fighting for."

But he didn't listen
He filled my head with empty
Promises that he meant
He filled my heart with hollow
Vows that he could never fulfill

     "How can a person be so cold?"

    "How can a lady be so cruel?"

   "How can you change so fast?"

He looks hurt and
I hurt a little
But I shut down
Cause that's what I always do

     "I'm nefarious, lover."

    "Had my heart broken a few times."

   "Now it's made of stone."

The first time
you said you loved
me, it was as if
I had been pulled aboard
a life raft after being
lost at sea. But
I see now that this
raft is littered with
holes and
we are sinking, but
you are convinced
that your love is a
teacup to scoop out
the water pooling around
my ankles and you will save
us, but the teacup has a crack
down one side and
do you see where I
am going with this?
A tablespoon of water
will never put out
a forest fire; I am burning
through acres.

They say....

If you don't become a Sun,
We'll marry you off to a Sun
So you can at least be a moon,
A beautiful sight to behold.

Reflecting your spouse's light,
Blazing smile plastered on lips,
Diamond in glory on fingers,
A beautiful sight to behold.

I say...

As scant as my light is today,
Never will I become a moon,
I, a star from far away to see,
A beautiful sight to behold.

Always on the move forward,
Ye don't have to wait long to see
Me become a blazing bright star,
A beautiful sight to behold.