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lost lauren May 2018
If I swam among the fish
would you spear me like you do the rest?

If I swam among the trout
Would you dive in and pull me out
A splash, a step, and then a leap
Under the water, this body would retreat
If the weight of the sea could pull me down
How long would it take for me to reach the ground
In the deep water, I would lay
Waiting for a light to show me the way
North, South, East, or West
I wouldn’t have I clue, just a guess
If you would dive in you would see
We’re in a world of lost identity
lost lauren Apr 2018
After days of sleep and always staying indoors

I stepped outside then the rain began to pour

The irony, I thought.. I looked up at the sky and yelled

“Anything more?!”

The raindrops began to hit the pavement

What a strange scent, the cold rain on hot cement

I already committed to going out I couldn’t go back now

But back inside my shelter I went

I didn’t have an umbrella or raincoat

I wanted to go back on steemit, read articles and upvote

Scroll through that one tab on the front page, called promote

But I’ve already committed on going out today,

I even jotted it down on my “to do” note

So I got my car keys, jean jacket and phone

I started to drive to some place new, unknown

My first instinct was to start driving to visit her

Bring flowers and say hi to her gravestone

I fought my urge and went towards the coast

Radio on low, I thought about what I missed most

I parked on a hill overlooking the ocean

“Torrey Pines” it said on the signpost

I followed a walkway that was paved with stones

It was nice to be outdoors on my own

I kept wanting to stay indoors and postpone

accepting life without her

soft skin, gold hoops, french cologne

fragile bones

Worst part about it is I lost my best friend

It's devastating, I'm not going to pretend

my world is shattered but they keep telling me,

“time will mend”
lost lauren Mar 2018
This world has taught me that having self-confidence           
Makes you more susceptible to failure.                                       

But that failures can sometimes be soothed             
with some thought and a pen and paper.   

This world has taught me that the truth 
is more likely to emerge if you are anonymous.                      

That sometimes being a traitor,                                                         ­   
is synonymous                                                       ­             
with looking out for yourself.                                                        ­        

This world has taught me that the more power
and wealth you may hold,   
the less you care about those below you.

The more your arrogance grows,
the stronger your belief that you cannot be controlled.    

This world has shown me how your heart can feel cold,
infested with hurt
only to realize it's rotting with mold.

That you can be surround by people
or peers, and still feel so detached and unequal.

This world has taught me that when you tell someone a story,            
They will be waiting in anticipation
not paying attention,
but in a hurry                                      
just so they can tell you theirs.         
Ignorant of the fact that I realize it.
Ignorant of the fact that hurts me.                                                          

Th­is world has taught me that the feeling of glory 
is sometimes followed with guilt.
no hero or champion would ever dare to admit
how it swelled their bellies with unfulfilling accomplishment.

Sometimes I wonder how long it took them
to recover,
to have that courage inside their souls re-built.
lost lauren Mar 2018
I am made from

the perseverance and kindness of my mother,

and the knowledge and patience from my father.

My mind tangled with

overwhelming emotions that I try too hard to suppress,

and memories that light up my eyes with wonder

filling my stomach with warmth and purpose.

Experiences that shaped a heart of empathy

having been far down in the pit of despair

once strangers that are no longer, helped me find clarity.

Chapped lips and a quick tongue

I fear to say something too fast,

without a second thought

having unintentionally stung.

Inside are taped up cracks and stitched holes

knowing all too well I could have helped myself

out of a toxic relationship by just taking control.

Inside are bones and bad blood circulation

all the caffeine, drugs and nicotine consumption

coping mechanisms acquired over the years for a fix,

a pleasurable sensation

to balance out the losses, betrayals, deaths, and depression.

Passions, soul, and substances all churning and rumbling mixed about

I used to be good at self-sabotaging

now I’m trying to pace myself so I don’t get worn out.

I am made from

every kind encounter I’ve had with a selfless stranger,

laughter from my friends and lovers

sounds of sweet nothings but the wind in nature.

My ears filled with

the first time you told me you loved me

and the voices that allowed me to overcome tragedy

songs that carried me away in bliss

with only a simple tone or melody.

My eyes deep and dark like the color of soil after the rain falls

squinting through thick glasses trying to see clearly past life’s pitfalls.

I’m constantly inspired by the world around me

Always wanting to try it myself so I can experience it all.

Jack of all trades, but a master at none.

I feel like there so much to learn and so much to see

it’s hard to pick just one thing to be.

I can barely even attempt to fathom

what else life has in store for me.

— The End —