i feel like **** and ******* do i love it. i drag my self from room to room, my eyes focused on the clocks tock. i don’t hear a knock on the door my feet drag on the floor. my head lays on the desk and thats when i feel my second best. I hull myself to the driver side door wishing i could just throw it in reverse and slam my foot to the floor. but not before i see you come around the corner. i throw up ******* to signal to you that i see you. i just sit and smile for a while till you come around the passenger side door, throw your backpack in the back. were both so tired but when we look into each others eyes there is a shock a spark like art when paint connects with canvas and a masterpiece is made, when your falling in a dream and just before you hit the ground you wake up our bodies are sent a sudden pulse of energy. it truly isn’t enough to describe when happens in my brain the thousands of chemicals responsible for these emotions i can’t name them all. call me a ****** because i am addicted to the high i get when looking in your eyes. i feel Dimethyltryptamine because when i with you i real life seems like a dream. my Dopamine levels are off the chart i can’t control this smile. my Serotonin levels are uncertain because when i look into those eyes i forget the world my movements are awkward and automatic, but while my hands are shaking i am calm in your presence.

words on paper meanings truly expressed acceptance is never clear. love is just a word its meaning must be proven. when love is blind it is flawed. to not see the flaws is to mock someones being. it is better to recognize the good and the bad and learn to love the bad till it becomes good. i love everyone of your flaws because i am flawed. we both feel broken from time to time, so lets fix each other. I’ve got a few parts of a soul, you have a few pieces of a heart. lets make each other whole.

Recede into the music, each stride in sync with the beat of the bass and vocals change and alter the mood. I never think when I walk. I am automatic. I walk like an automaton automatic split second corrections to simple problems. I am never free, I can’t be derailed. My feet move on their own like a pre-programmed line of command telling me to take a left, a right, a left, a right. My head bobs to the beat but my vision is so tunneled I only see if I’m about to run into something. That’s all the code will let me do. Slight adjustments, never straying from the path, like I’m on rails, and the code never fails. I don’t use this time to think. I don’t use this time at all. This time is a blur. I can’t remember it at all. Everyday is the same, day one to day three hundred sixty five. I am a slave to the routine of daily life... if you can call that life.

We used to live next door
But now your home is empty
We used to sit in desks side by side
And giggle whenever we got in trouble
We used know each others favourite everything
We would choose swings over slide for the other
But
One day your windows were shut
Your door was locked
Your desk was still beside me
But you always looked away
Your new friends would play on the swings
While I sat on alone

the most self-destructive thing i have ever done
wasn't the red slashes on my arms
or my bruised knuckles and broken walls,
it was the moment i made someone my happiness
and my beacon of light.