You say im strong
But i dont see it

I dont see, the resilience you see in me
I dont look at my facing of adversity
As stregnth but as necessity

I dont see my lack of tears
Over years of thing gone astray
As a stregnth but as weakness
That i didnt show them less

You see the tears and call them honesty
I call them guilt, that you see me like this
That i am not as strong as i should be

This is not stregnth
But a showcase of my emotional stupidity
And my refusal feel until its to much
Its not stregnth that i hold back tears
Its a weakness that
i have come to beleieve Is a necesity

House on fire,
House on fire,
Role me a phat one.
Tonite the house ,
Tomorow nites up in smoke.
The walls were brown
Wall paper.  
Upinside here.
A white beard of smoke.
Goblin green walls,
Purple stains,
Scattered gold vains.
What a joke
We felt like smoked out
Hot patatoes,
I sat on my missing phone.
*******,
Coconut musics third encore.
Remember what you said.
I said sometimes say the truest things.
Remember what you said.
You become what you love.
He needs help.
He doesnt know,
What isnt his own.
Isnt my best friend,
Starting to bun out,
My bic lighter,
Is out.
My hands strike a match,
Is it so much to ask.
There were so many clicks.
Jump up or something
Else happened
To apear
Just to gorge
On your ptsd
Like the memory
of seing your last horror film.
You left angry,
And told us repeatingly.
I need help
tell us what we can do.
Help us tell you and
You can  show us
whose fault it was
I told you not to let anybody
do what they did.  
What is it worth
doing all over again.
All the reconziliation
Speeds off with ten dollars
In gas money.  
Did you know
What to do
after one interview
In a shrinks office.
Your inner thoughts
have to record
everything.  
And for a few seconds
Every thing pushing
towards her garage.
Found a place upwards
in new hours slowly
able to erase the dust tic by tic.
Now we can start counting
Episodes you had.
Nowe we can understand what you have
And by december you will have the best christmas
Your peace on earth will be seeing a baby boy cry
When it snows.

(Manuscript of Poet Mario William Vitale)


From 1993-1997 - Attended State University in Connecticut,Attempted plays : Tartuffe, Miracle Of St. Anthony and Balm in Gieade,( His poetic aspirations had  in 1989 from submitting his first poem entitled, "Remembrance Of A Loved One"- (Sparrowgrass Poetry Forum)Next from 1989-1997 ( Wrote primarily for Poetry.com and The International Library Of Poetry),* Received editors choice award in 1997 for poem, " A Beacon Of Light ",(1998) Sent poetic manuscript to N.Y. Time Magazine and Chief Editor " John Hyland".Back with rave reviews !* ( From 1999-2008:Had adapted a real keen sense of style for writing poetry: ( 1999- Sent Editorial to:New Man Magazine for the Passion of Christ Movie;Sent followup letter to company with poetry platform information attached,* 2000-2007 : Magazine : ( Catholic) Maries Rose Ferron Magazine submitted poem" Beacon Of Light", which had excellent editorial reviews as the outset !2008- Wrote poem entitled: ( The Heavy Cross) to Poetry.com* Achieved Poetry status of work of Excellence in writing from the Academy Of American Poetry in which still having received rank and status as a member of Academy;* ( The Connecticut Poetry Society)* Short story submitted entitled, "China Dog Ray" submitted to Virginia WritersQuarterly, West Virginia, Also having member status on their board of Poetry.*


( Attribute Poetry to an ever increasing love of God and his unconditional love that he has for us in return,Thankfulness toward family and friends.( To our past ancestors who fought to uphold freedom that far too many of us take for granted ?One needs a pure heart that's fixed on truth,This is in order to withstand the true great test of time !Life is way too short,Press toward the goal or mark of our high calling that is in Christ Jesus The Lord !~My contempoarry artists include that of ellan Bryant Voight, Kay Ryan and carl Phillips.Which all three are Participants in the Academy Of American Poetry.* Having been a member since 2006,My work reflects the likes of past poets such as C.S.Lewis, Hawthorne and edgar Allen Poe.Most of my work reflects with the values of religious beliefs intact,( In my personal view it is essential in demonstrating a real heart of creativepassion !The reader I believe will benefit by my artistic style of development in a verypositive light.)To further the need for poetry to become more main stream,

Mario Vitale was born in Bristol , Ct Has developed a skill for writing poetry in the free verse form. has been featured on Hubpages.com, Starlitecafe.com & Poetry soup. Vitale lives with his elderly mother Ann Soulier in Wolcott, Ct. Currently has written well over 1,000 poems & 2 short story's toward credit platform.

Vitale has taken the poetic world by storm being featured on Google, Yahoo & MSN. Looks up to contemporaries in the poetry industry such as John Ashbery & Major Jackson.
Has been a favorite featured poet reader at Barnes & Noble in Waterbury, Ct.
Also featured on such sites as Poetry soup, Writer's café & Neo Poet.

Mario William Vitale
1 Winfield Drive
Wolcott, ct 06716

A Beacon Of Light
Written by: Mario Vitale
A beacon of light to a much hurting world in need !

Can't help but to claim..,

Some sense of identity,

Stregnth and encouragement only come from above !



Amidst in the distance, the trapped seagull..,

Lieth frightened but still yet adrift !
In a most vengeful fashion striking the passing fish,
A true source of hope,
Yet a most triumphal beam !

This beacon of light shineth forth,
Passerby's can err' escape the helping hand..,

To the most sparkling of radiance !


(2)Thanksgiving Dinner by Mario Vitale
Home for the holiday from New Orleans,
with Mother and Father at the tiny
drop leaf, brown rosewood, mahogany
table with the gold, grinning claw feet;
Father, choler- red-in the-face, short-
sleeved white shirt and cane, says the blessing
as Mother brings in the turkey and cranberry.
Then Mother asks, “Won’t you have more?” and father :
“Do you think Moll Flanders was a *****?”
(I have suffered and bleached my hair blond.)
I am silent before their replies.
Mother sighs. “I can scarce speak to her.”
And Father, too, quotes Shakespeare. (I am thin
as paper and the rose- colored bowl
of blown glass sitting on the silver stand,
half- filled with water.)
“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
to have a thankless daughter”


(3)

Song of Spring
Today I heard a robin sing
heralding the coming spring
A song of exultation to the sky
an ode to earth's awakening

I saw a willow on the hill
It's branches greening in the sun
and all the earth seemed hushed & still
sleeping streams began to run

I heard a softly rising breeze
whispering through the grass
singing through the still bare trees
waiting winter's chill to pass

I saw the sun, so bright and warm
warming the earth after the rain
the buds and leaves, no frost to harm
at least, at last, it's spring again.

(4)

The Ancients
It's my last day with the old giants
In mourning I hike the lost trails,
sniffing the aroma of the bark,
that cinnamon of the forest
Under tepees of wood
in a membrane of shadows,
I stalk the earth, its mammal traces,
its elusive tracks,
to sit on a fallen log
where spiders macramé,
moss sloping to my knees
unaware of invisibles within,
grubbing in their tunnels
A lizard taps my foot,
responding, I muse to its touch,
my thoughts like Indian visions,
And when daylight mushrooms into night,
and an owl hoots from cedar,
I still sit with a lizard on my shoe
Huddled with the ancients of the woods


(5)

Epiphany
Written by: Mario Vitale
It clings to the cliffed shore,
to the wintered face of the thistle path,
to the fingers of the old man's glove
as he waves his memory homeward

In that breath between come and go
she moves up from the bay;
gold turns her stride,
the line of her dress,
the soft sea pulling at her feet

When he reaches out
and the frail birds fly
and the sun and the sky
have married deep into the sea, it clings

Even as his shadow threads retreat,
it clings, even now as it dissolves to mist


(6)

A Return Home, Only Time Will Tell
Written by: Mario Vitale
Oh blessed hope !

Both hardly a believable dream,
Sweltering heat with bloodshed in the street...
Send the troops home !
There is no clear reason for them to roam..,

These are desolate times !
For we have chosen ill faded rhymes..,
The casualties are enormous ?
For a stated cause that clearly atrocious..,

A mother's cry as the door chime rings,
A vanishing salute to freedom as the church choir sings !
Let us look above to all the heavenly love..,
Merciful one, take this chip off my shoulder..,

Stop the senseless fighting before our dear nation grows a bit colder,
Suddenly, seeds were dropped out of a farmers bag,
In time roots spring up fresh out of the fertile soil...
As the sun heats up,


Time will tell when this harvest will soon boil...
In the vast game of life,
One's time is so very brief !
The soul yearns for its' heavenly relief..,

Share with others who may want to turn over a brand new leaf..,

Time will tell of the true importance of helping one another,
To never give into the finish line..,
Nor harsh criticism that our society puts out !
Like a famous fighter in his final bout !

Time will tell of the return home,
To the open arms of a loved one !

(7)

A Valiant Knight
Written by: Mario Vitale
A Valiant Knight

Death springs a new day basking in the breeze
In solemn moments lets pause to think of a place
A far off castle in the mountains away from it all
A valiant knight lived in the structure of it's dwelling
Those days of old where mere men had a noble demise
A beautiful maiden was in waiting for her knight
He would often fight for the cause of stregnth and dignity
The draw bridge where the castle stood had a very unique aura
A mystery of sort sought up in the vast array of crowned nobility

For the king on his thrown was humble yet greedy
Always would take care of himself caring nothing for the needy
A valiant knight was concerned about the kings trust
Often they would disagree on who it was to serve
A joker came in front of the king one day with a magic wand
Waving the wand in the air then there floated ivy everywhere
For the court jester was a fool in the making of his legacy
The maiden would often come forth and see

For she treasured a red rose that was plucked sometime before
Cherished the calling of her stature to the glory of the throne
A valiant knight would often sing sweet songs in the night
Had a following of village people that would sit before his feet
Having a way of words that he would often share
The castle was filled with dragons and warlocks searching for love
A cause to be brave amidst uncertainty of the kingdom
The legacy of golden capulets filled ardent vestibules
Let us toast to the valiant knight who keeps a watch on all that is good


(8)
Hampton Beach

The smell of fresh fry doe
Time had elapsed playing at the casino
Fresh lobster with a side order of fries
Those spacious wonderful sky's
Down at the shell the continental were playing
A walk by the lady of a statue in waiting
Flip flops and the sound of laughter
A playground for kids in the middle
The boardwalk with seagulls flocking over head
Fire works in the midnight air with a cheer


(9)

God's World
It is raining again.
Summer will be over before it ever gets here
Thunder rolls far away, drops
hit the windshield, the sky turns gray

The Sunflower, the blue
Delpinium, the white
Stinkwood drink the moisture
greedily. The green and silver

leaves of the Aspens sparkle as the rain hits them, and the
wind turns them round and round
The creek flows on, oblivious to
the change in the weather.

A break in the clouds allows a bit of sun to hit the side of a
towering mountain
Three cows slowly wend their way homeward. It is dusk.
The gray clouds lift and the sun bursts through,

before sliding behind the hills for the night
It is God's World. He gives it to us to enjoy and to share with each other


(10)

Jake's House
There was a man whose name was Jake
Who had a house upon the lake
Every morning he would wake
And for breakfast have a piece of cake

He had a private fishing hole;
He always used a long cane pole
He fried his fish on red hot coal
And served it in a great big bowl

For a pet, he had a cat


(11)

In The Zone
Written by: Mario Vitale
In The Zone

whispers...
through the dark deranged portals you evoke fear
filled with angelic fervor on it's textual base
yet we dig much deep then ever before

cries in the dark will light the spark of what we need to know
still we stand idle as the average novice introduces its spell
along again then the sadness evokes a newer feeling
dwindling through the vain extraction of the never world

we visually see a flash then a new day approaches
on the lawn two lovers having passionate ***
the screams of vile extreme explodes throughout
perhaps this is the place where Nero tread

yet again I sit alone in my house now huddled in the corner
the twilight sun has tainted my inner vision
the howls of Satanic laughter gives a piercing shriek through
a candle was lit by the edge of my bed

One can remain lax in the quietness of the moment
yet again the setting of the sun
a new day has begun as we embark on the moment
Does death hurt you the most or is it fear

You can equate logic through a firm grasp of the hand
whispers again...
then a faint cry,
we construct living pyramids to honor the dead

A stroke of luck an the impulse ensues
onto so much more but for what
are we grasping for straws what are we searching for ?
quietness again this time I'm in the zone

as if zombie creatures with viscous long fangs that bite
dripping blood off side we run away to hide
no one questions anymore no one has a voice
alone one last time yet feelings of grandeur awake

to the message of hope that spills from the sky
a challenge to be free is a question of time
eyes with spots digging holes in a pool of blood
Satan laughing again spreads his wings

Suddenly I awake but to what ?


(12)

An End Of The Age Of Innocence Part III
Written by: Mario Vitale
In our fast paced twentieth century world..,

We oft' have neglected to stop to smell the roses,
Oft' we used to bow our heads silently to pray,
As we reflect back to the sixties is had launched a pad to rebellion !
With a vast amount of liberal bias and thinking,

No wonder why our nation is sinking..,

Sinking amidst a cuss pool of mere morality..,
For now it is a quite different time,
A very unique but different type of day..,
An end of the age of innocence,

One hath been enlightened..,

From seeking truth,
Some fresh out of a garbage can..,
Yet for Gods' sake,
He hath such an amazing plan !

Hence, to shun the broad road,

Yet to seek to venture in the narrow..,
Such as a distant bird in flight !
You might see this creature venture out at night ?
Of the Eagle nor the Sparrow..,

It used to mean something to have a sense of common courteous..,
To hold open the door for your neighbor ?
Yet for the time being we relent and waiver..,
Would you prefer another taste of a certain ice cream flavor ?

To ponder we must be content with who we are in the inside..,

Nor, a mere fancy suit or blazing sport's car,
Life is a roller coaster..,
In what you do while busy making other plans..,
Finding solace among the height of nature.,

Such to think at what is quite simple,
As a young child reflects on his or her poster board,
Playing with their magic crayons..,
For in eternity it is such a very long time !

Take heed in what you do,

Now is the expectant hour !
What will one choose to do ?
There can be no place nor need for any compromise,
Within it's vast perpetual spectrum !

One just can't put a price tag on a genuine but unique heart !

Hence, with honest integrity..,
The time for change is today !

(13)

He Was There
by Mario William Vitale

From the inner silence of the lamb he was there
In welcoming to the world to share
Within the multiple of words the mouth speaks
As a heart beats through the passage of time
To every poem that was ever written
To every burden ever lifted
To rivers crossing where people living
Sometimes loving other moments giving
In storms that were outside brewing
What is the significance of this love
In painted pictures from above
To every soldier in a battle
To every cow amidst the cattle
Not a second glance at any real romance
A field of dreams throughout our head
From both fire and ice will make you think twice
Perhaps another chance at a roll of the dice
When every kingdom comes thy will be done
Shadows in the shining morn if there's a rose it bears a thorn,
He was there in every circumstance
When they tried to throw stones at her
He was there drawing a line with his finger in the sand
It is my hope that some day all will understand
A glance at the past will tell us of our future
Amidst the inner pain & uncertainty
Through shadows in a field of dreams
In moments of solace amidst the pain
A light moved out upon the street outside
A day that wasn't meant to be
Thorn crown was pulled upon his head
Those shouts of intense anger from the mob
There was only one who would help him back on his feet,
A light that brought only a few to greet
Let us not run away & hide
Each one of our sins was placed on that cross
To lose the battle now would end in tragic loss
Father please forgive them for they know not what they do
He said the prayer now the rest is up to you
That cross that broke a sinful world apart
With his blood-soaked crown with spear in side
To show the whole world he had nothing to hide
The summoned cry brought about healing in the sky
Watch the free angelic dove fly!



(14)

Momma Of Pearls
by Mario William Vitale

Since there's nothing I could find
That was worth giving you,
I sat down to think a while
And write a line or two
If I had a magic wand
I'd wave it just for you,
And give you anything you'd like
No matter how many or few
If I could give you back the years
You so willingly gave to me
I'm sure that you spend them over again
The same as they used to be
Remember when those days and nights
Instead of going to the fair
I'd always say tell me again
The story of the three little bears
I tried to get a strawberry pie
But they were out of season
Then I thought of gold

You ask me how I can love you
You who is broken, and limping, and lame
I stop you before the tear can fall
Taking them from your eyes
And crying them out my own
I tell you the truth of absolute love
I tell you I wear no blinders
I see you as you are
I see your imperfections but we are all flawed
Those minute cracks in your soul
Trickle out pain in swirling hues of tender that highlight your heart
A heart you profess is black and stone
But it beats strong within my chest
Where I will nuture it and feed it with my own
I see all the nicks and bruises and breaks
They are not reasons to walk away
They are the very thing that makes you worthy
Your damage healed in stregnth
You are not broken
You are beautiful in all things
A tender heart that bleeds for others
That hates you for not being better...for me
Don't you know?  Can't you see?
There is no better, you are as good as it gets
It is I who is unworthy
And in all your fear of being alone, you overlook the truth of who  you are
of who I am when I am with you
You see beauty in every corner of derelict
You fill my cracks with your joy
To the point where you feel you run out, not even knowing you gave it away
You see in me what I am unable to see in myself
And because it is you who sees it I believe you
I see your cracks and spackle them with love
I see the scars and am thankful you survived the journey
And tomorrow, or next week next month or next year
When you have grown strong in my love
When the time comes that you realize I am naught but pieces duct taped together
When you  see the truth of what I have always known
I will still love you
When you move on to brighter days and greener pastures
I will still love you
When you see that you are worthy of more than I am able to give you
I will still love you, as I do now
For I never learned how to unlove someone
And you have always been worthy

What to do when you’ve got the blues
Was it me or is it you
My plans are simple
To love life and be loved too
Their must be some kinds of deception
For you must love life and need one too
Or be one of
Billions of bricks in a grand pyramid scheme
But where in the mirror thee one on top
Is the one of thee ruse
Whom is under all
And who saves all fooled
Is there one among you who is more
Or less than precious you
Come on you’all
What would you be kidding me for
Like my lies to and about you
Like I could live without you
And rather forget or shout rat at ya
Have you scrounge through ******* that ye’
may you eat
or wire tie tire scraps to the souls of your feet
For we’ve come such a long way
To be here today
While it’s not been to long
Or far to go with squabble, plunder, resource **** and plow it under
That climates are for shifting
Seasons without reasons
Masses are off for the drifting
Our earth without our gratitude we sure aren’t 'a pleasin’
Thee oceanic cradle of conception 'tis sewer now
Like could I be without thee sky above me
Would thee auto or truck eat the one last bean
And every brick without a home
Not a hunting ground
Some tillable earth or seed to sow
Toxic fish in the untamable sea
And She will do as she wants
She will do as she needs
She’ll easily come and suddenly recede
Upon her eggshell basin we drill siphon pump poison and bleed
We blow holes in the ionosphere
Magnetic shifts and solar flairs
Does our wild kingdom wish us well
Or rather see us off into exile from our hells
Of dust bowls and Goodyear treads to save our souls
Journey on wayward ones
Is not a thing sacred not a one
Holy  liars say anti-christ better hurry fast
So saviors come to condemn our past
And free us from, to us what’s been done
Seven say there is the Savior
And six are sick evil ones
And we can not agree of the one
Seven times to the nth degree is what we will need
Till our actions are thee savings grace
As Great Exemplars have professed
Each of us must overcome
And Holy Creature become
In the stregnth of forgiveness
We undo to thee and us done
We are the ones to feel to see
That Love is the fire
Which is pure bravery
You forge in the now
Without the forgetting
Tomorrows you desire
Where love will rise
And set as thee One in all

You ask me how I can love you
You who is broken, and limping, and lame
I stop you before the tear can fall
Taking them from your eyes
And crying them out my own
I tell you the truth of absolute love
I tell you I wear no blinders
I see you as you are
I see your imperfections but we are all flawed
Those minute cracks in your soul
Trickle out pain in swirling hues of tender that highlight your heart
A heart you profess is black and stone
But it beats strong within my chest
Where I will nuture it and feed it with my own
I see all the nicks and bruises and breaks
They are not reasons to walk away
They are the very thing that makes you worthy
Your damage healed in stregnth
You are not broken
You are beautiful in all things
A tender heart that bleeds for others
That hates you for not being better...for me
Don't you know?  Can't you see?
There is no better, you are as good as it gets
It is I who is unworthy
And in all your fear of being alone, you overlook the truth of who  you are
of who I am when I am with you
You see beauty in every corner of derelict
You fill my cracks with your joy
To the point where you feel you run out, not even knowing you gave it away
You see in me what I am unable to see in myself
And because it is you who sees it I believe you
I see your cracks and spackle them with love
I see the scars and am thankful you survived the journey
And tomorrow, or next week, next month, or next year
When you have grown strong in my love
When the time comes that you realize I am naught but pieces duct taped together
I will still love you
When you  see the truth of what I have always known
I will still love you
When you move on to brighter days and greener pastures
I will still love you
When you see that you are worthy of more than I am able to give you
I will still love you, as I do now
For I never learned how to unlove someone
And you have always been worthy

I sit in my chair quietly observing you
the world rolls by you like a babbling brook.
you are fixing a  torn seam in the kids shirt.
I can feel the stregnth of you radiating
in our small family room.

I cannot remember when I had to worry
about the kids you handling everything.
I think how we are always short of money
yet magically  you  always seem to manage
never complaining.

the news on the tv shows mayhem and violence.
it passes you by unoticed as you keep
us all protected and safe.
for a moment I am filled with humility
seeing the stregnth of your spirit

I see the great woman you are.
the safe harbour I rest in.
the sun glowing at the center
of my small universe.
its no wonder I love you.

I want you to know
The confident girl you see
Is a sculpture of shards,
Shards of glass and broken hearts
Held together by plaster
From the smile plastered on her face

Glass shards from the first time
The first time when nails werent enough
Glass from when the broken frame
Falling fron the dented wall


Shards of her once perfect life
Ran over by the swirving car
The night she saw....
The night she decided she had to stand tall
But even skyscrapers fall

A heart broken by ***** lips
And pounding hips
Lips that forced and lied
Tongues that whispered promises
But just lead to teary eyes
A heart broken from believing
Just to be left behind

This empty sculpture is filling
Recognizing its worth,
Recognizing theres stregnth in parts
She learning how to give you her heart

Her heart is broken, But forgiving
So she keeps on giving
Fi.ds the stregnth to keep living
Shes has given you her heart
Love her, love her smart

My skin is poked by 10,000 needles
I feel like im burning and getting
electrical shocks,all over my body...
I'm dry my moisture is no longer
every day that passes I feel my skin getting dryer.
My eyes see blur my ears cant hear...My bones  & Muscles feel stiff and tight im cracking bones to
Lift some pain my fingers are tingling
And my ankles are acheing ...
My nails wont grow my feet hurt
and sting as my stregnth weakens Im dieing lets face it....

The silence has become deafening
Encased
Submurged
Surrounded
By the silence
The chaos is not ceasing or changing its course
Destined to whirl around me
Twisting and pulling me in ways i could never explain
Pushing and pushing
And pushing
Until i cant hold myself anymore
My stregnth has shattered
Within the silence
Into a thousand tiny pieces i lay strewn on the floor

To All God's People

In your time of need
Lies the comfort in knowing
God will lead the way
To better days
Whether through the darkest of times
Shines the light to find
The courage you need
To another bright day
God will show you the way
To a pure and clean heart
Of forgiveness, courage, and stregnth
That out of the goodness
In us all
Is the gift of Love


(uwc)  by: Zenobia Lee/LadyZ710

And then when you least expect it
you have a life altering epiphany
time stops
you realise you know nothing of what you thought you knew
and everythihng is how it wasnt
nothings the same
everythings changed
your world is thrown upside down
and your mind is screaming
" WHAT THE **** ?!?! "
your hearts racing a million miles a minuite
and in that split second you realise
youve made the biggest mistake of your life
but you dont have the stregnth to fix it
not in a
" i give up on life " sense
but in
"its scary to think of my life as anything but how it was, i hate change. " kind of way
in your mindset you believe that everything depends on fate
and you dont try to change or alter that in anyway, shape or form
and then when something does change
its like you see your life flash before your eyes
you see all your mistakes
all your regrets
and in that moment you know you have to change
you ache for the past too much
happiness is an arms reach away
but you cant grab it
your clinging to days gone by
keeping your faith in memories
everything you've ever dreamed of waits for you
with open arms
caring eyes
and a loving smile
yet you push it away
you convince yourself that its a mistake
that your life now is how its sussposed to be
no matter how scripted and insistent it is
despite how miserable an how much of an act you are
your convinced that if you keep living as you are
that things will eventually return to how they were,
your living in the past
holding your future in somthing that didnt last.

Revisiting,

Unprovoked but somehow still pungently strong observed losses from the past in the cruel game of this unruly ego's preservation.

Trigger.

In the end, I cant, musn't, need not, care...
About any of it.

It's over.
I no longer have to carry any of its suffocating weight.

Despite the loss, despite the hurt.
You were never to blame.

I was incomplete.
As you may have been...
that is not my resolution to succeed in.
You will own that glory.
I will own mine.

For that I'm not sorry, but rather glad not to bear weight alongside my own flesh and bone I now care for with diligence.

I choose to end this today.
This nagging need to describe to you and beat into your turned nose for sake of fairness the blacks and blues of betrayal and distrust.

And yet, here they fall.
One by heartbreaking one.

Sandlike particles of once red waving flags igored in the name of blind faith rapidly dissolving,
slipping through worn hands into the ever present existence I expend most of my will to guard myself from daily.

These very hands with which I put the pen to paper and entrust to the physical dimension my most preciously defended ego's wounds.

Theoretical sand turns,melting, birthing a heavy contcrete now present before me.
A block I must now move.

The very toxins I swish in my mouth and swallow, the thoughts of you and your untrustworthy heart and hateful grip around my neck, filling the crevices of my mind at every wind in grey matter.

The ink spills in, carrying with it rushes of insecurity into the veins that once carried boldness, fearlessness, stregnth.

I am consumed.

But it is short lived.
And this time is the last.

You are a good enough person.
An idea that scares my inner child and haunts my most protected depths.
A thought I must confirm.
Words I must beleive wholly, despite the taste of garlic and vinegar to my sore tongue.
Others will not experience you the way I did, and this should be a deeply comforting thought.
Due credit given and appreciated, the sheer cold of being the only soul to know these darkest depths of you stings a place inside me I never imagined would be victim to this distaste.

Yes. You could never have completed me.
It wasn't your job, as much as you dutifully applied, interviewed and followed up in person to get what you needed.

I shouldn't have quietly hoped of you to undo aches I wished for you (at a distant point from the present) to never understand. (Now my ego prays you do)

How could one expect to efficiently, gently, console a heart that bled from a different knife from that which invaded the tender ***** palpating in their own marrow cage.

If I beleive the things I read, the theories I preach, the fundamentals I find most inspirational and motivating,
I must come to this simple realization.

Forgiveness will not undo it.
Neither will hate.

Forgiveness however, will allow the light you brought to a place in me that needed fixing, rather than hate which only shields.  A mirror, reflecting the brightness purposefully into your eyes with intent to burn, does not allow the seed in me light enough with which to grow.

Forgiveness is thanking you for allowing me the opportunity to better myself, despite the fact it would be less work not to see the room for improvement.

To see that I allowed someone to spin me in circles, to ask me to walk, and then to berate me for my messy delivery.

Forgiveness is knowing my worth now and living despite you not aknowledging it.

Forgiveness is thanking you for forcing me into a place where growth and ambition and pushing forward are my only option if I opt out of allowing you to see me weak again.

Forgiveness is thanking you against all intuition, against all the fight in me that would have kicked had I been conscious to address it, against my will and in the same coin meaning it because it is the only way to heal and grow and shine in ways you never could....

Forgiveness
is thanking
you
for ******
me.