Battling TL Leaves B2B
The Fake God finally won the battle
The battling TL got booted out of the B2B account
She asked him how he would feel on it
It’s ok as we’re friends and you’re still here
You reported the Fake God for his six thou wanga
He got another rep to give him and he lost ninety four thou
When suspended that month tho he was finished
The call centre rescinded that and gave him a month rest
He came back as only he can do the job
You reported his lieutenant lap dog for dodgy upsells
The magic number is five users add four to the one you picked
Both are still there like pet dog and food bowl
You mark on the account is noted and in my poems
All the best on your reassignment
And stick with the army training too

Times Over
The Fake God gloated and said
'Hey mate I win this round and for good'
He nodded and replied yes you win here
But not for good tho I'll accept the NTE
No disputes as numbers don't lie
Yes boss I know I failed in sales
Do what you will transfer or fire me
I'll transfer you to collections
Brian went on to say why did you
Follow me four times over Asia?
I worked in Bangkok and Manila
In Pattaya and San Fernando
You stalked me the same companies
I'd get it if we were pals
You're a fair boss but not my friend
Excellent at sales better than me
Yet you scammed one time and was
Booted out on the B2B account
I went to Bankgok you followed me!
Brought your Wallflower along
It's fine I ignored you both and now
I listen to your whys on my sales
I'm not as good as you tho did ok boss
I did my best and that's fine for me
Now you transfer me to collections
Normally that would be fine
It's not now and I'll tell you why
Fake God looked surprised
He was to the point
My Time in Asia and the BPO is over
I'm off back to Germany and elsewhere
Thanx for the B2B experiences
No more calls I'm outa here
Have a nice life boss!

Support War
Surprisingly it wasn't Brian's account
Where the war happened
It was bad and bitter and abrupt
The reps were struggling

Their job was hard not just calls
They weren't updated on their stats
A very important BPO metric
All got their info on this good or bad
Their Team Leader simply didn't tell them
Some stats are hourly some daily others monthly
The daily and weekly ones matter

The reps know if they're doing fine
There was a meeting of support
The boss was there and said it
To the supervisor in question
You either resign or I terminate you
And the Team Leader resigned immediately
This was like a war all out to win or lose

The SOM went too far missing a step
The reason why above all why
Why the reps were not updated on their stats
Was it just one TL or were more affected
By a system issue or job issue
Or was the sup simply not bothered
Ignoring their reps stats and waiting

For the chop which came like a sword
Now a new sup is needed to lead the team
The managers always need to remember
Always ask the reason why
Brian scratched his head
Not even his old B2B account
With the Fake god was that bad
For even then there was communication

What Fun!
I worked in a small call centre once
The boss was fed up of being bossed about
So left his job and set up his own call centre
He became his own boss and my boss
Gave me a job dialling varied accounts
In the US UK and Australia

Including tech support surveys sales
Plus education and B2B accounts
I learnt so much in my year with him
It was different and challenging

Each day was different even fun
I was gal agents cry I saw guys battle
We work drank sang ate danced  
In my first year of BPO work
I’d do it all again oh what fun!

If people ask me,
"Why him?"
No, I would not reply them with a simple "why not."
Because this is not that simple.
I would reply them with all of my theory of love.

If we are in freaking B2B model,
I have all of the rules, I have all of the assumptions,
But you are my "Arrow Electronics",

When i wrote about dating 101 or the other love rules, it's only based on my perception, me as an idealist.
But when I meet you, turn out it is You, the subject I wrote about.

Never thought that I would ever found a guy like you.
It's not too good to be true;
As I believe that we should never believe something that is too good to be true. It could be deceiving, they said.
I know you well; and I know that you are exactly what I want in life.

You are my 11:11, dandelions, and dimes-in-a-well wishes.
As if I ever pray to God,
It is you who I've been asking for.

No, I don't love you only because you are the figure that I talk about in all of my rules,
I do love you even when you are super protective, sensitive, possesive and jealous.
I love you because I know,
You are the one that I've been waiting for all my life.

I know I'm not easy to bear with.
But, I promise you,
If you stay with me,
I will love you more than anyone in this world.
And I will try my best not to hurt you.

Thanks to Neptune, this is our second (22).

You are my only inspiration when it comes to love,
I would never want to leave you.
You are the best thing that ever happen in my life,
How could I afford to lose you.

Thank you dear for staying with me these 2 months,
Loving you is so easy. So addicting. So exciting.
I just couldn't stop.

Bangkok Beasting
The Fake God is there with the other bosses
All having a powwow to decide what to do
We are dragged in there and lectured hard
The client wants more sales as do I
This you must do for June July and beyond

The target is 130 and you’ve just 18
You need a 1200 percent increase
Can you do this in 2 weeks yes or no?
I said yes but if we don’t we are all ******
The client can pull out in September
Instead of renewing the contract

The Fake God said Brian you remember
Yes Boss I remember a year ago
We got the contract and must again
I don’t wanna be part of a failure
The other boss said the client can
Bill us 2 months higher rates if we fail

Do I move the account elsewhere?
The real boss asked in another beasting
As much as I dislike Fake God’s attitude
I respect his sales skills and drive
The ****** will take us all to Hell

The real boss will observe us all
Away we go in this B2B **** up
It certainly gave Brian writing material
Tho he wished he was still in Manila
And not being beasted in Bangkok

Change Time
Do some reps miss the selling?
When they’re between call centre jobs
Not able to close a sale for B2B
Or get a Sirius XM radio upgrade
What of reps doing tech support
Fixing broken TVs and infra-red heaters

Same **** different shift on and on
Dial dial inbound joy call queuing
Sup call where’s your TL?
They’re MIA having a secret smoke
While the reps struggle on
This shift the same as before
Nothing new to learn here
They don’t wanna report in

But must or get sanctioned
They dream of a sales job
Actually being good at it
Getting top box metrix and sales
Walking with pride enjoying work
Looking forward to each shift
Not like tech support Hell!
Time for a change

Moral Corruption
There was once a boss who was so vain
With long hair like a girl
He ran his fingers thru this
And swished his tail and his locks
Oh look such a pretty Alpha male boss
With all the selling skills and power
He had a 2nd in command a lieutenant
Whose position was higher than his chair
Both used a 3 step selling technique
It got good results for the hippy boss
Who ****** his coach/supervisor
She caterwauled like a dead cat my God!
Shut that woman up she gives me a headache
See them all plus the pet dog secretary
All on the other side of the fence
It's a case of them and us
Don't go over there without good reason
Go by the channels first your own sup
To see if he can sort the issue out
How can the issue of moral corruption
Be erased without dissolving the account?
We know what goes on behind the scenes
We see it with our own eyes oh yes
And the truth always wriggles free
The powerful vain hair swishing boss
Who will put you on VTO so get some sales!
He worships figures as some do him
I'm now one of them but I see his skills
Those cannot be denied and he's a good boss
But a ******* lousy person never a friend
This is how it is in B2B sales
Moral corruption anybody?

Kaput Scripted
The top boss carved the account up some more
He put in place an extra step so no duplicate accounts were made
This was fine in the managers’ eyes an extra layer of a layer
And it created work for a back office guy making those accounts
It was his job to do it not the call centre agents
If they made a new account they got beasted and fired
It was easy to create a new account yet full of risk
Send the details to your TL and then in the form
So back office has it and will make the account
The account will be made and sent to your TL
Who will reassign it to the rep that made the call
No double accounts no confusion yet more stress
Adding to the wait time while the rep does compliance
Completes a needs assessment vets the customer
Sends a promo approval to his TL who sends it
To the manager who sends it to the client
All the while the patient customer holds like a fool
When all this is done and the account is sent over
The closer calls the VT team who complete the sale
If the DM has funds on a working card all is fine
If any step fails the whole thing collapses
What a nice time for me to be endorsed
To a different version of my old healthcare account
No more sales on a failing B2B account

That Crap
Same old **** on the account
Divide and conqueror defeated in battle
Wait till the account folds
Client pulls it out we can't wait!
All reps reassigned or leave
Something better than this
We are not made for this moment
We deserve better will be greater
Unless you want us to be depressed
And cry like puppies the account failed
There's more to life than sales
B2B outbound cold calls
Hey buy our service make us rich
At first we believed till we woke up
It's the same crap as the rest
Just dressed up differently
What we do next will be better
Cos we ain't doing that crap!

here's what it taught me about B2B SaaS sales.

1. poopy pants stinky
2. peoplw no like stinky man
3. no like stinky man = stinky man cant sell SaaS

solution: dont **** pantz