Little siblings,
please stop growing.
I wasn’t there for your first words.
Your first steps.
Your first days of school.
Your first anything.

Little siblings,
I know you don’t understand the world around you.
Why you don’t see me like you should
I wish I could hide you, you’ll never feel pain.

Little siblings,
I wish I could teach you about life
Good music
God
manners
And morals

Little siblings,
I want to be the perfect role model for you
I want to show you that family can be together
I want to show you a good life.
I want you to see where working hard,
Living for God,
And never being afriad to ask for help can get you.

Little siblings,
I see the world in your tiny eyes
And I hope I become someone you look up to.
I know you see me as strong, caring, and loving.
And I want to continue showing you that I am.

Little brother,
You came at the perfect time
You put light in my life I didn’t know I needed
You call me beautiful every time I see you

You give me big hugs that warm my heart.

Little sister,
I held you and I knew I had to build myself into the women I want you to be.
I know I’m not perfect but in your eyes I am.
You yell “*****” when you see me

You give me big hugs that warm my heart.

Little siblings,
I wish your laugh could always fill my room
I wish I could see you like I should
You used to be so tiny
Where has the time gone?

“Big sister” feels so important

Big sister has to be perfect for you
Big sister wants to be there more
Big sister wants to watch you grow

Big sister will always be someone you can rely on
Call  upon  
A helping hand
A loving hug
A long talk

Big sister can be someone you laugh with
Or cry with

Big sister will always love you
Never judge you
And always support you.

How we can be born from love
And filled with such hate
I shall never know

I have learned
Over the years
Is that demons are real
Just not where you think they are

I've found some
Oh yes
I truly have
They're more terrible than your wildest dreams

Where did I find them?
Why the answer is simple
I found them inside of me
For the demons we fear
Are inside us
And they come out to play
When we're afriad

Dear abuser,

Because of you I shake at night
I see so many deadly frights
My arms quiver with needles bleeding
I can't beleive I didn't think you affected me

Every night I come home
I shower and cry about my life
Every person I talk to I distrust
I know suffering is a must

There is no silence
I only hear my weeping
And your yelling echoing through
I have new triggers I don't understand
Was this always your plan?

I yell and scream at things I love
I can't beleive in any God above
My heart panics if anyone's upset
My breath is stolen like I'm in a corset

I can't stand to be alone
But I can't stand to be too close
I'm afraid of anyone's touch
Every problem is just too much

I can't have a good day
Anything good  changes and rots
Into the memory and fear
I hate myself if that wasn't clear

No matter how much I build myself up
How strong I may become
I feel so weak and alone
I feel like I'll never find my home

I stay up and ponder if I ever could
Tell everyone about the hell you gave me
Maybe that would help me
Or maybe they'd just laugh at me

I rip my flesh open
I bruise and hurt my own heart
I give so much of myself to everyone else
Because of the guilt I feel
Cause it was all my fault

I black out and forget things
My stomach twist and turns and stings
I have no energy to enjoy anything
Nothing in life is a blessing

I've emptied my body of any emotion
Because whenever I have any
It's endless crying and falling apart
Noone can break this ******* shattered heart

I'm afriad someone's behind my back
I'm afriad they're ready to attack
I'm afraid all I ever do is lack
I'm afraid of every ******* thing even a tack

I can feel you
I can hear you
Needling through my skin
Piercing my head with sin
Burning my body
Every night I relive it

All the pain I'm feeling I can't quite explain
Because at this point I consider it normal
Everything is quite plain
I'm tired of the pain I sustain

I'll never have kids because of you
I don't deserve love becuase of you
I can't see anything but pain
I can't enjoy anyone's touch
I know it'll never be love
Just let them all **** me
And I'll call it enough

Except I'm not enough
I'm disgusting and damaged
My skin is peeled and broken
Scarred and red
Too many tears I've shed

I'm labeled a freak and crazy
Life is kinda hazy
Am I real?
Can I ever heal?
I don't think so

I just want you to please go
All three of you
I see all of you In everyone I meet
The yeller the ******* and the molester
You're in the eyes of every person
I can't find comfort
Because you'll always find me first

Whenever I See You,
I Always Ask What's Wrong,
You Say I Don't Have A Clue,
I Know You're Strong,
But I'm Afraid I'll Lose You,
Of That One Dark Temptation,
I've Stopped You Before,
But How Long Will It Be,
Before You Do It Once More?

You Asked Me,
If I Runaway Would You Come With
I Know How Badly You Wish To Be Free,
But I Said Yes Pretending It Was A Myth,
I Wish I Could Save You,
From The Depths Of Dispare,
If I Did,
What Else Would Be Lurking There?
You Told Me Half The Story,
But What Does That Do?
You Told Me,
If I Told You, You Might Want To Help
The Only One Who Can Help,
Is Yourself

everything is changing
i feel like my train is late
and im not sure i even want to get on
doing this scares me
i envy all of you
you who jump in headfirst without thinking
i wish i was more like that
not calculating everystep
wondering when its all going to crash around me
feel the air around me
like i could walk on clouds
flying in the sky
not being afraid of falling down
letting go of it all
just being
for once
i just want to be.

is it too late
or is my train still waiting
will it take me there
to the place where the air is all around
where clouds are soft and fluffy
where i can jump and not be afriad of falling
is this my train
im not sure
i guess for now ill keep waiting
im just not sure
cause right now i just wanna jump and fly on my own wings
no train is gonna take me there

a years gone by since I realized I loved you
and everything has changed

a years gone by
and I finally don't love you

a years gone by
and I realized that maybe I never even loved you at all

a years gone by
and the idea of you still sounds great

a years gone by
but I don't really love YOU

a years gone by
and I've wasted it thinking about you

a years gone by
and I'm no longer filled with hope

a years gone by
and all I am is sad and confused  

a years gone by
and I'm still falling apart

a years gone by
and I'm still just as confused and afriad as I was on day one

a years gone by
and nothing's changed

a years gone by since I realized I loved you
and I still don't know what to do

I am so afriad
of becoming
You.

Afriad
Is that me?
Not we
Afriad
Of what?
Of the me, I see!
Is that me?
Can not be!
Afriad
To see
See where
This takes me!
Ride the wave...
Sail the sea...
Fly up, Up over the clouds I see...
This is me! Afriad of how I might be!
What do you see when you see me!
I see the me in all that pass by!

i'm afraid of emotions
i'm afriad of time and emotions
not emotions like im afriad to show them
i'm afraid i'll forget them
i'm afraid of time because time will make me forget emotions
i'm afraid i won't be able to put the emotions im feeling in the proper little glass bottle to save so it could help me explain the amazing emotions i feel being a human
i'm afraid
i'm afraid i'll forget.

Bank,
took away my tract-home-house, got divorced from my last cheatin’ spouse

Laid-of from my company job, all I get to eat is corn-on-the-cob

Get evicted cant pay no rent
Rains too **** much to pitch me a tent

Kinfolk don’t  like the mess I’m in, so I became a bohemian . . .

Trailer Home Romeo, I’m a trailer **-home romeo

Kinfolk don’t  like the shape Im in, so I drink with trailer park beer drinkin men !

Pay Taxes that I owe?  Hell No !  I’m a bohemian on the go a trailer **-home romeo!

Bought me an old F-150 Ford, at least I ain’t got no **** landlord

I cash in cans I find on the ground, easy work get paid by the pound
Can’t buy me no tonic and Gin like the rich Good-Sam suburbians

I fix my own truck rent-a-wreck, told I don’t qualify for no welfare check
Afriad to go outside in the day for a jog, got bit last week by the neighbors dog

Can’t track me down, I’m always on the go, move down south if it starts to snow!
Move when I want don’t have to hesitate, hitch-up my truck and relocate

My left tire just fell-apart so I propped it up with a K-mart shopping cart

Got me a bottle of Jim Beam to pamper, might get drunk but I’m a happy Camper !

Kinfolk don’t  like the mess I’m in, so I became a bohemian . . .
Trailer Home Romeo, I’m a trailer **-home romeo

Kinfolk don’t  like the shape I’m in, so I drink with trailer park beer drinkin men !

Pay Taxes that I owe? 

... Hell No !  

I’m a bohemian on the go a trailer **-home romeo!


© David Wayne Clare   In Perpetuity - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Clairvoyant Music / BMI

Beauty according to media:
Skinny
Perfect, long hair
Flawless skin and,
Being tan but not too tan
Beauty according to the general public:
Skinny
Perfect hair
Make up but not too much and,
No blemishes
Beauty according to the broken:**
Being able to get out of bed every morning and function properly
even after everything someone has been through
Not being afriad to speak your mind and,
Being capable of feeling a true emotion