is there somewhere
you
can meet me?

(are your hands cold, are your feet colder, do you hear my voice, now?)

i don't really
want
this to end.

(not yet anyway, i've gotten too close to figuring out our dynamic.)

i can't see you.
you
have faded.

(feelings = omnipresent- i can't get away from wanting love from you.)

i keep feeling
want
and it's sad.

(it crawls down my throat making me recite the poems you wrote me.)

everything
you
need is here.

*(find me on the corner of the street where you always imagined us)

i spent two hours crying because
i realized
everything i thought i had
**i didn't

give a moment of clarity to pull me out of the haze, won’t you? days have passed since i last remembered your name and even more have passed since i last forgot the scent of your clothes. your body is a synthetic imitation of a real one. i last saw you in a place you weren’t and that could be just because of a lack of some part of my sense i lost, i always was so forgetful.


define me this way: a monster of your making. the beauty you lost years ago when all you could mutter out of your chapped winter lips was please.


take me to a place where all the skies are blue, won’t you? days will come when i can’t really remember your name and even more will pass until the scent of your clothes become the scent of mine. your face is photocopy of an angel’s. i can see you in the puddle of the water, swimming with the tadpoles.


define me this way: no one important. everything you never really wanted to have.

I'm not so tired,
I feel kind of strange.
I wish you were here with me,
But I'll be okay...

I'm awake once again,
In the middle of the night
I can't get back to sleep
I don't feel too alright,

I'm shaking and tired
I wish you were here
My head is spinning
Is this out of fear?

I'm afraid of many things..

The usual...
Spiders
Heights
The dark
Strangers
Clowns
Dying
Fire
Flying
And the list goes on...


But the thing i fear the most is that you see me the way i see myself..

don’t rip my heart out of my chest until the swallows are choking on their hallelujahs.

twelve year old girls are popping pills; mommy’s medicine cabinet, vicodin to numb the pain. slitting wrists is out of style so they smoke instead, slow motion suicide that is nothing but a human way of escape. self sacrifice is sin unless you can make it look like an accident.

mommy and daddy think i am innocent but i’ve lost my sense of self awareness, i crash.

babydolls drool on her pillow tonight, their chests are ripped open and their eyes are gouged out. baby lucy doesn’t want to meet little bear, she’s already met the beasts in her mommy’s heart that beats at a rapid speed even when she’s sleeping. mommy is weeping.

it’s my party, it’s my party, i’ll **** well cry if i want to.*

my mind is not twisted, it’s just a little hazy, so i’ve forgotten who i am. no one knows how crazy it can get when your parents toss you around like a rag doll maybe i’ll bleed out all of the drugs that are swirling inside me.

i really do wish you no harm.

i hope you don't get pocket lint on your dum-dum,
because that would be tragic.

i hope the next girl you date doesn't bite.
even though, you deserve a gnarly girl
who can get low down and gritty.

i pray you don't fall going up the stairs
and slide all the freaking way down.
i wouldn't want a concussed friend
now would i?

i cross my fingers and shut my eyes,
wishing you a pretty girl with perfect teeth
and pale skin
and an american accent cuter than mine.
in bar. or no- in a basement.

i would never wish you the worst hangover that
you've ever had
with a headache so bad
you feel like you tried to go out with a bang (literally)
like kurt d. cobain, and survived.
if you aren't an uneducated swine and know who that is.

i hope you never feel heartache like this.
feeling your chest tighten with anvil heavy memories
and sun-kissed, barebacked truth because
you had to let go what you love
and love what you let go.
crying when you see "message me i get bored x"
in their bio on a tuesday night, for the first time in six months.