darling take a hold of my hand
before i
mess this up
your smile can brighten up any day
and as i look into your eyes
and see you
all i see is pure joy
all i want to do is laugh the day away

i wish you could see me now
not then
i regret everything i did
and i only want you
everyone changes
but i changed a little too late
to keep you

it was a normal day
too normal for visions
but he told me what he saw
red figures dragging me down to hell
in chains
the flickers of fire
as vivid and bright as the devil's eyes
i'm a step away from the pit
pulling me
only god's will is holding me up
then an angel descends
helps me up
and brings me away
i wasn't christian then
i didn't understand

two years later
i am standing at the line between life and death
a silver knife in my hand
but i remember those around me
in my hazy thoughts of hatred
i thought people cared
i remember what he said
and angel pulling me away from hell
it'd changed my life

he is truly a messenger from god

she is silver to his gold
her tone as cold as snow
he finds her and chases her
he's faster than she's slow

she runs away from him
but he refuses her answer
because as much as she hates him
that's how much he loves her

she falls weeping to the ground
praying to the earth
which plants her as a tree
and allowing her rebirth

he cries among her branches
winds a laurel wreath
he hates himself for trying
and he lives in his grief

it's all about balance
people who appear neutral outside
seem to be neutral inside
maybe that's why i'm so sad
while acting so happy

broken promises lined you lips
as you spoke out more

your promises are like a drug
they make everything okay
but only for a moment
leaving me even more broken

your tongue spits out fire
burning the skin on my heart

you give me fear
to ever fall in love again

to ever make a promise again

my only hope for you
my love
is that some day
they will stop clipping your wings
and you will fly with your silver feathers

why am i sensitive to criticism
maybe it's because of my mom
every time i open myself up to be rated
i instead get berated

i'm such a happy girl
i smile for my friends
i still have a voice to laugh
but why do i still cry myself to sleep?

bright red mouths
jeering at me from my own body
they stay
laughing
i only have a bandaid to cover them

she was a child
and she got sick
she lost all of her hair
the crown to her head

years later
she rips off her wig
and dances to the world

i never knew about you
4. you were scary
11. i was scared you would take my family
12. i accepted you as a part of us
13. i wish you could come sooner

they ask me
what is depression like?
they later leave me alone
going with other people
and i curl up in my bed
and cry
that is my depression
the cold feeling that settles around me like a cloud
watching them
when my tears are condensed into fog
clouding my eyes
all i want to do is to see clearly
i'm trapped in a hallway
with no end
i'm running and running from my depression
i feel nothing
when i suddenly fall
the dread that hangs around me all day

they don't notice
my fake smiles and teary eyes
my gloom hidden behind a mask of unfeeling
that
to me
is my depression

how am i supposed to forget about you
when the possibility of rekindling what we had still lingers
i’m scared to let go
in case you haven’t yet
and we can salvage what we have left

my dreams aren't shattered
i'm not devastated
i just realized
that what my dreams are
might just always be dreams
and it's time to focus on reality

destruction can be screams and cries
but it's even worse in exchanged lies

seconds to start
years to build
broken with a single lie
hurt in moments
memories lost
regretted with nights of cries

my heart wrapped in chains
for just a little bit longer
when i was released and healed
my heart was just a bit stronger

excited like a newborn
sneaky like a child
worried like a adult
and my heart is still wild.

give me a new name
strip me of my old one
because no matter how you treat me
i don't know where to run

Lay a kiss upon my cheek,
Bring me to the unknown,
Because the world is a cruel place,
As people’s actions have shown.

i'm fated to be evil
but that can't be right
if i was meant to be darkness
i wouldn't be so bright

a drop of spilled ink is permanent
never to be erased
but the ink flowing into my blood
is not the smallest i have faced

twist my words around me
into what i have never said
think what you want to think
and continue to be mislead

people feared your name
only say it letter by letter
but when compared to them
to me i think you are better

you find out who i really am
a traitor i am indeed
but who will i really betray
whoever i don't need

blame me for you troubles
because i run away
but you should have known
i was never here to stay

such worry i once had
is now pouring down
if i keep on swimming
then i may just drown

you're being blinded by her

i used to love you

your love is killing me

i'm trying to be happy

we harm the flowers we think are most beautiful
to add to our hair
to make ourselves seem more beautiful
we harm others who we think have the potential to be better
to make them appear worse
to make ourselves seem more beautiful
to those of you who are bullied
you are just a beautiful flower to them

You lay bruises,
Across my broken skin,
You let me fall to the ground,
You shoved self doubt in.

The dust and dirt,
Is where you dropped me,
Yet you still refuse to go,
Refuse to let me be.

You scattered words on me,
The bitter, sour words,
As if the broken bones could hurt more,
The thought is just absurd.

The sky is right above,
But the ground is all I can reach,
If only there was a ladder,
To heaven from the beach.

The horizon is just one line,
One line I cannot cross,
The climb is just impossible,
For someone who’s life is loss.

I’m shackled to solid earth,
With chains of iron and stone,
No matter how much hammering,
I’m trapped here, alone.

I’m finding a way to smash them,
To crack the hard harsh chains,
How can I stand up right,
If like a hungry dog trails pain?

I’m not going to climb,
Over horizon to the sky,
I’m not going to jump over,
I am going to fly.

i made my rash promises
and you made your broken ones
you made a fool out of me
i guess only fools would fall for you

i'll always be here
like a sunflower follows the sun

i lost myself trying
to find you when you are gone

i'll never stop caring
even after all that you've done

even though you are a ghost

the earth is my best friend
she will be there to catch me when i fall

what is harder to keep?
your love
or my sanity?

but my smile marks the place
where i found the strength
to keep on crawling

i clutch a handful of sand in my palm
it feels so soothing when i am without a qualm
when things are slow, every grain stays in place
but it's harder to hold when i quicken my pace
i grip tighter as my panic lingers
but some sand begins to slip through my closed fingers
the more i try, the less i can contain
i am only helpless as i watch the sand drain
if only i could have another hand
but i can do nothing about the running sand

i believed i could fly,
before you beat me to the ground,
so i lost my wings of dreams,
and left without a sound.

if nothing gold can stay this way then nothing dead remains
for every stump or carcass laid will fade into the plains.
so while i walk in solitude as bare paths form behind,
the promises of lush green fields will always come to mind.
but even wildest of lands will require some care,
without, no glimpse of gold or green will e'er dare to appear.
last, one must know that all thriving fields will arrive with time;
all that's past and passed will decompose for meadows sublime.

when you need a useless friend
i'll be here
the person you laugh with
but won't love
i'll be here
to have a substitution
but will never be first
i'll be here
someone who will put on a smile
but later cries alone
i'll be here

I remember,
When I was eight.
I held a silver blade over my pale wrist.
But it told me to stop,
And so I slipped it away.
I remember,
When I was fourteen.
I brought out that same blade,
Along with two others.
Silver, black, blue.
Yet again,
They told me to forget.
Regretfully,
I hid them in the drawer of my wooden desk.
I remember,
When I was eighteen.
Ready to end everything,
I brought out all five of them.
Silver, black, blue, white, green.
For all my deadly sins,
I deserved them.
Tears welled but were never shed.
My guardians,
They told me to rise up,
To continue to make memories.

i'll love you forever,
will you do the same?
i should have realized,
this was just a game.

i remember the first time
i was told to shut up for laughing
it was by my sister

all of the stars have disappeared
ridding the midnight of it's life

there is still one star left
the one who is struggling to brighten up it's world
the lonely star that is left
abandoned
like me

all you need to do is love yourself
but i can't because
how can i love myself
when that girl in the mirror
is my worst fear

i hate math
not because it's boring
or it requires work
but because it is the thing
that causes my mom and i
to fight
you won't realize this
thinking it's only a shallow opinion
but to me
math is a wall
separating me
from love

middle name

something some people flaunt
they say it within their introduction

something some people admit
a half-hidden secret

something some people hide
deny, refuse, reject

something some people lack
so they never think about it

anxiety is my middle name

The times you stared,
Into the glass,
Gazing at your flaws,
And wondering what could pass.

You don’t need to beware,
Of yourself or your looks,
You don’t have to feel weird,
For burying yourself in books.

What others think,
Should not matter to you,
It’s only what you think,
That really matters, to be true.

Stop being harsh,
For what you seem to be,
Enhance what’s inside,
The things you can’t see.

Don’t judge yourself,
By what is staring back,
Through your bitter mirror,
Letting self doubt attack.

Through your cracked eyes,
You see only the outside,
So search a little deeper,
Push your mirror aside.

See what you are,
Not what's unsuitable,
Because then you'll never see,
That you are beautiful.

it's truly crazy
how alone i feel
surrounded by monsters
wearing human masks