my family has a problem with addiction
in other words we put everything we have into things
and refuse to take it back
geting attached
because they own all we have
loving till it kills us
and when it kills us
t we love it more
i will love you till you **** me
then ill love you more
leave me empty on the floor
tell me im not enough for
your love
but than ill come back for seconds
leave me empty and ill never leave your side
try to push me away
but i will stay
because when you hurt me
i love you more

I miss you
I miss being able to tell you
Everything
Nothing
was off limits
Your love for me was evident
Through the words you speak
Speak to me
I miss you
I miss Being able to look at you
And you know exactly what i mean
Do you know meaN
I miss
I miss having somone know me
Someond to deal with me
And my bipolar mood swings
My lies
My tears
And in return
I Give you
Everything
My thoughts were all for you
Your happiness meant more to me
Than living
My trust for you
Was unhealthy
If you told me to jump off a bridge
I wouldn't think at all
I would be flying through the air on my final fall
before you even realized what you said
I miss Having a best friend
I miss being able to pretend
We knew what love felt like
I miss my addiction to your thoughts
Your words
Your feelings
I miss
You

I wish i could start over
But what would i change
I play all my cards the right way
It's just the draw of the cards
The hand of God
the way things happened
It's just the same
All a game
I lose
But so do you
Can you win
Probably not
There's nothing to change
Either i live with this
Or stop playing the game

Honestly
It shouldnt bother me
That you have a friend with benefits that happened to be a girl i hate
Honestly
It shouldn't bother me
That the only girl i ever love was straight
And i am too
Honestly
It shouldn't bother me
That im falling out of love with her
i never thought i would lose you
Honestly
it shouldnt bother me
But it do
It does
Every second of every day
I think of all these missed opportunities
Chances untaken
All these people who say they love me
But really hatin
So sorry it bothers me
I don't mean to care
But honestly
You bother me
So go straight to hell

I fought for you
The least you could do is recognize me
Keep your promise to me
But instead you lied to me
Call me your favourite
But forget me at the call of ***
As if you don't know
Im hurting
So im sorry to.intrude
But i never really cared you where with her
I only cared because she stole you
You say you came for all these things
But none of them are me
So no
Your not my favorite
And no
You cant come up here again
Tell your little *** she can follow you to georiga

I never realized you could fall out of love
i thought it was just an excuse
for divorced people
who never loved in the first place
did we love in the first place?
I didnt know you could stop caring about me
I didnt know I could stop caring about you
did i stop caring about you
Have i stopped caring
since when did i ever want to not talk to you
since when did we not want to be together
since when did your presence scare me
when did we scare eachother
when did us become a we
when did we seperate
I dont understand why we didnt stay with eachother
why we couldnt understnad eachother
why we couldnt be
BFF's
but even that was a lie
because Im not sure
you where ever really my friend
my friend
are you my friend?
are you still there for me?
maybe you wont be
maybe we arent
maybe
maybe you still love me
but only if i could believe in that lie
because you told me
you no longer care about my fragility
you no longer care if im broken
you no longer care im hurting
you no longer
want to be next to me
we no longer will be
I'm sorry
but why
I'm the only one crying
when you are smiling
because you told me
the truth set you free
but it captivated me
now im stuck in a rut
stuck in a cage'
when i cant escape
I cant stay
in this charade
you broke my happiness
I can no longer last in this
you kept me in the shade
only to bring me to light
at the worst time
tell me im not wanted
when you where the only person i thought wanted me
as soon as i accepted I wasnt alone
you left me
you see
you made me get better just to send me back where i came from
what type of love
and you have the audacity to act
as if this will hurt you
as if you didnt do anything wrong
as if im over exaggerating
as if your better than me
your not better than me
just because i learned how to take down my walls in front of you
does not make me weak
It makes me stronger
than you
just because you saw the sad side of me
thats not all there is
I showed you I was fragile
but thats it
you wont see past what you think I am
to see thats not me
you wont see
Nina see me
you keep yourself in the dark
pushed us apart
so you can be alone
its not me its you
its not you its me
its not us anymore
there is no longer us
bff?
*******
your just another person who took advantage
of my weakness
your just as bad as them

Love
Being able to **** yourself for someone else
waking up wondering about if they ate
before you realize your hungry
would give your happiness to see thier smile
thier smile
Love
being caught ina place where you would rather see yourself fail
then them feel a glimsp of sadness
you would do anything to save them
from thier own reality
Love
unrecognizable by you
you dont understand the way that I care for you
I still call it love
because it is
and i dont pretend we never felt it
that i didnt feel it
you didnt feel it?
the pain we felt when the other one was hurting
the impact of our words on the others life
the lack of tolerance of the other person in pain
I still cant see you in pain
Love
is what it was
We will always have a spot in eachothers heart
whether you admit it
or not

Its been 11 hours and 47 minutes since you told me  you don't care anymore
Since my heart stopped beating
since you left me crying at your door
Its been 11 hours and 50 minuets since you told me you dont love me anymore
Since my greatest fears came true
Since i realized you slipped through ny fingers
That only person who knew what to do to
Knew how to Help me
But Left me
Because im not enough anything
For you
Its been 11 hours and 53 minuets since i lost my heart
It wont restart
Because i no longer want it to
If it does i feel
And this whole thing is real
If i dont have a heart beat i can forget it's there
Forget you don't care
About me
Its been 11 hours and 55 minuets since i tried to **** myself for the first time
Since i actually considered death worth a try
Because this hell you put me in
Shouldnt have to be my life
Something must be better
On the other side
But it didn't work
I knew it wouldn't
Ended up throwing up over a bucket like i always knew i could
Ended up.emptier than before
Because i cant leave this world
Im trapped in a hell with you

We always promised to help eachother
But i guess that was never true
I guess you never meant it
When you said i love you too
So i guess its over now
But it still doesn't hurt
Because its only been 12 hours
Since i learned how to stop loving anymore

She offered me a trade
A bottle of wine for my midnight thoughts
My hidden plots
To take over the world
What i thought of every girl i walked by
Have i ever been high
Do i think im gay
No by the way
But all the same
My midnight thoughts
For a drunked good time
For a bottle of wine
What the hell
Im already dead inside
Might as well trade my mind
For a bottle of wine

She didn't know I did it for her
I was trying to be perfect for you
its all for you

Shes perfect
But she asked me why her
Why is she the only one
Who i need more
Than oxygen
Air
she knocks the breathe out my lungs
I can't speak im so stuned
I can never get enough
She
She Is my everything
Everything is her to me
Shes all i can see
Obsession she called it
But i call it love
Love me
But she cant love me
Im nobody
To her everything
Obessesion
She's all i can think about
All i strive to be
When she threatened to leave me
I couldn't breathe
Panic attack
leaving her feels worse dieing
I struggle
To mutter
The word
Sorry
As if she cares what i think
No matter what she thinks
I will never leave her
But what if she leaves me
Shes All i need
My Obession

I have no one to tell me it will be ok

I'm lost for words
I don't know how to describe the feeling
Of not feeling
Do I feel?
Do I live?
Does my soul still survive inside
I feel like it left me
Just an empty vessel
Do people still love me?
Do I still love?
I haven't felt love in years
I haven't felt in years
I look at a situation
And wonder
How should I be feeling?
Shouldn't I be feeling?
Shouldn't I be
Should I be at all?
Why am I here?  
Why don't I care if I die?
Why don't I care if I loss her?
Why don't I care if I lose him?
Why can't I feel?

Im just a subplot in someone elses story
A rewrite that never got glory
A lost song that never got its own recording
Unrecognized beauty
You can see im pretty
But you cant see
Me
Im the person who keeps the heroes kids safe
Im a disgrace
Trying to find my own victory
But end up helping others on thier way
I want a victory
*I want my own story

I let you go
For too long
i.have been trying to hang on
too this relationship
It was dead a long time ago

I Let you go
You can get another best friend
Ill be ok right here
I can live
Without you

I let you go
It was wrong for me to keep you
To force you to stay with me
You don't have to protect me
I have God to keep me

I let you go
*I don't need you anymore

food will destroy me
i try to become better than I am now
perfection is just around the corner
all i need to do is
resist
I will not be a slave to my body
its whining does not phase me
hunger will pass
perfection will last
dont give in to the hunger
One day you will no longer be hungry
just dont eat
drink water
do crunches
brush your teeth
repeat what i speak
perfection is just around the corner
you're almost there
I'm almost there
I can be beautiful
I can be thin
then i wont have any problems
because when I'm perfect
I will be enough
to love me

laughter lines
they stretched across her face
and you could see
she lived
but my face is clear
all you see is the streaks of dried tears
and the smile that i painted
but now the paint chiping
and everyone is realizing what is underneath
I want to be
happy
*I want to have laughter lines

I feel poetic
as if my muse is high
I decided to take you all on a ride in my mind
I imagine the seas
the great wide seas
the diamonds that seems to swim beneath the surface and gleam when the sun feels like saying hi
and oh does the sun feel
he feels the beauty of  those around him
he feels the need to share
sharing his light all over the earth
so things seem
brighter
so people go outside and can breathe
breathe
breathe in the fresh air
I imagine the ocean
the fish that glide through the water
slicing
the very thing we do to make us feel
make us feel
but for the animals its real
they jet through the water and create ripples
all we see is a hint
of there fin
an idea that they where there
oh I Imagine the ocean
how the waves kiss the sand goodbye everytime they meet
for a quick second the sand believes
the water is here
then it leaves
as fast as it came
without a goodbye on its lips
I imagine the ocean
funny how i have never been there

It's better to be aneorexic than it is to be me
It's better to be a liar than it is to be me
It's better to be annoying than it is to be me
It's better to be depressed than it is to be me
better to be suicidal than it is to be me
Anything is better than being me

Scratch
I'm happy finally
I get to live fully
People love me
Scratch cut
I don't need anyone but me
I am good enough
I can see my own beauty
Scratch cut bruise
I'm happy
I'm pretty
I'm lovely
Worth something
Scratch cut bruise scream*
Hurting myself
Makes me happy

Love me
Love me not
I don't want you here
I don't need a spot in your heart
Trust me
And love me not
I am not worthy
I'm not good enough
I'm ugly on the inside
Watch my feelings rot
Love me
Love me not
I don't want to bring you down in my down fall
I can't help you
I can't break your wall
I don't know how to save you
I can't find you when your lost
I can hurt you
Show you a million of ways to torture yourself
But I can't break you out of this hell
So love me
No love me not
I will only break your heart

I don't need a special someone
I don't need love
I don't deserve to be touched
I want to be hated
Don't I lie enough?
I don't want you near
Why are you still here?
I'm only hurting you
You are the only one who will lose
Run while you can
Because the monster inside of me doesn't care

She slipped between my finger tips
And I didn't even know she was falling
I didn't know she needed love from me
Her actions screamed love me
But I wasn't listening
I'm sorry
I didn't mean to let you fall
One second your here
Another your not
Your the only person I got
Please don't be to far
I cant help you if your lost
You slipped through my fingers
And I didn't even notice you where gone

Liar liar
heart on fire
Nobody will love her
No one likes her
Liar liar
Heart on fire
Filled with pain
I'm burning sire
I can't breathe
chocking on what I believe
Liar liar
Heart on fire
The one person
No one desires

I've given up
given in
I'm done trying
I dont wanna win
I dont wanna win
there it is
I told you that im sorry but you wont forgive
Handcuffs
Straight Jacket
pills down my throat
shove a tube in my mouth
make sure it goes
pull off the blind fold
im in a white room
I told you i would **** myself and this is what you do
you put in me in a cage
kept my love contained
they said I have a vistitor
but i dont wanna see your face
broken
hopeless
tears on your face
you say that your sorry
it shouldnt end this way
you tell me you love me
that it will be ok
if it will be okay you would listen to me pleading to be saved
please
these handcuffs are to tight
I know im use to blood  on my wrist but this isnt right
i scream at you to help me
why wont you help me
why wont you help me
why wont you help me anymore
cant you hear my screams
I grab on  to your wrist
please
please
they haul me away
back to my cage
where i count my days
by the colors of my pills
I count my days
by the number of your calls i dont recieve
I count my days
by how many times I say sorry
for whatever sins put me in this prision
I count my days
by the shattered pieces of my heart
I count my days
by how many times i whisper your name
I count my days
I count my days
I count my days
I miss you
why did you have to send me away

Since you I've lost my grip
I threw in the towel
I gave in
Since you I've become week
broken
empty
Since you I've lost myself
My mind
nothings left
Since you  Im too broken
to weak to past his test
im to stuck in the past
selling my body for cash
you should be glad
you wished me hell and here i am
I'm free falling from ectasy
I have no where left to land
I would **** myself
but to bad i cant
since you I've lost myself
my mind
nothings left

A crush
when the thought of him takes your breathe away
when you keep imagining the way he says your name
A crush
Commonly mistaken for love
a crush is just an intense feeling of lust
you cant get enough of
A crush
they way your heart speeds up when you see him
your eyes scream kiss me
but he doesn't get the message
A crush is a seed for something more
hopefully you get the flower
and not the thorn
A crush
*My crush

I feel like a billboard
FOR ENTERTAINMENT
is stamped in my face
I'm a disgrace
They are sitting at the circus
Waiting for black beauty to play
I'm for entertainment
Every move that at make
I'm a  Circus clown
Watch me do flips
Watch me fake a smile
Paint on fake lips
Watch me jump from buildings
And hope I miss the swimming pool
But I land in a pie
haha they fooled you
Watch me as I move
Laughter from the seats
I try to scream
But all you see
Is a clown being stupid
A clown being silly
Smile please
I'm trying really hard
I don't want to cry
I would cry my make up off
This won't last long
The spot light is stealing it all
Your stares are burning me
Your laughs are hurting me
Why can't you see
I'm for entertainment
When I walk into school
Your stares seem
Your stares seem to scream
*entertain me