Who the **** am I like what have I become I’m high and it’s like I used to be someone else.
Pinky promise
Can’t break that ****
Apologize to A and B-girl and C
Everyone judging me big fear
It’s upsetting you know because I want that life with the beautiful friends and the all-night partying and the strange clarity you have while still drunk enough to have fun but I always go too far and **** it up I always crash so early and that’s just disappointing.
X is very sad. Y and Z are hooking up. Z seems cool. I would like to be his friend. He is nice. Sorry for hooking up with Y maybe?
Honestly what a nice guy apologize to him too
Why am I apologizing so much it’s ****** that I am so sorry about what I do.
Maybe I should stop saying sorry to other people and start saying sorry to myself. Because I create these situations where intoxication is the only environment where I’m confident but it’s always too much too fast and I crash. I’m sorry I can’t be alive for the whole evening. I recall bits and pieces and never the whole thing. It’s like I can make that high school awkwardness disappear but maybe it was that high school awkwardness that made it so valuable. Maybe I don’t deserve the confidence this has given me. Maybe I have to earn it. My anxiety has been off lately. It’s confusing and unexpected.
I need to stop saying sorry
I feel like such a loser
That’s the meanest thing you call someone.
Someone who never gains in the long term, who loses whatever small empire they build because they ****** up. It’s better to be an idiot than a loser because at least idiots gain some things. Girls like idiots. Guys like idiots.
I wonder about where I stand and who I am a lot
I found this in my notes app. I removed the names. It's interesting because drugs distort reality, but I feel like this is one of the most honest things I've ever written