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E Morris May 22
I’m cheating on you
with your boyfriend
I’m cheating on you  
with your boyfriend
who you’re cheating on
who’s cheating on you
who I’m cheating on
with you
who I’m cheating on
with him
Does that make sense?
Does this make sense?
When I receive your Eucharist
when you pass my lips
is it strange that I taste him?
When his midday musk wafts under my nose
when he caresses my skin before entering my brain
is it strange that I smell you?
Is it strange?
Is it strange?
Is it strange that after years of cheating
in thought
want
and spirit
the first person I cheat on in action
is a cheater?
**** a bisexual daydream
  Feb 7 E Morris
Sidney Chelle
dust motes swirling in an orange sun beam.
it's been one hundred mornings now and still i wake with itchy eyes. that's Cali, baby.
all i can remember is your laughter.
i stay in bed until i'm about to be late because i know sitting up will make it fade.
i think it could use one more line at the end, but i couldn't think of a good one, so i'm gonna post it as-is and maybe add another line later on.
  Jan 28 E Morris
Sidney Chelle
s aturday night. another party.

t oo much skin showing, and it's cold. but it's like a chant in my head:

"i have to. i have to."

l ots of people tell me that i am a very beautiful person.

l ots of people tell me that i am very ****, very badass, that anyone would love to be with me.

n o one is with me. no one is with me.

o n the first day of my last breakup, the pain was crunched ice, radiating, insatiate. i

t old a girl yesterday that being alone today hurts just as much as it did the first.

g olden girl. champion daughter. icon, star, ideal, role model.

o f all the things i have been called and considered,

o f all the weight that a sighed "elyse" has been proven to hold, i still wonder if it can fit

"d esirable."

e verybody loves me here. it's

n ot like i have anything to complain about!

o h.

u m. i mean, i

g uess i get lonely sometimes. but it's not like i need someone to feel

h appy.
playing around with format and style here. please let me know what you think!
edit: after reading, read the first letter of each line going down.
E Morris Jan 27
Who the **** am I like what have I become I’m high and it’s like I used to be someone else.


Pinky promise
Can’t break that ****


Apologize to A and B-girl and C

Everyone judging me big fear


It’s upsetting you know because I want that life with the beautiful friends and the all-night partying and the strange clarity you have while still drunk enough to have fun but I always go too far and **** it up I always crash so early and that’s just disappointing.

X is very sad. Y and Z are hooking up. Z seems cool. I would like to be his friend. He is nice. Sorry for hooking up with Y maybe?

Honestly what a nice guy apologize to him too

Why am I apologizing so much it’s ****** that I am so sorry about what I do.

Maybe I should stop saying sorry to other people and start saying sorry to myself. Because I create these situations where intoxication is the only environment where I’m confident but it’s always too much too fast and I crash. I’m sorry I can’t be alive for the whole evening. I recall bits and pieces and never the whole thing. It’s like I can make that high school awkwardness disappear but maybe it was that high school awkwardness that made it so valuable. Maybe I don’t deserve the confidence this has given me. Maybe I have to earn it. My anxiety has been off lately. It’s confusing and unexpected.
I need to stop saying sorry
I feel like such a loser
That’s the meanest thing you call someone.
Someone who never gains in the long term, who loses whatever small empire they build because they ****** up. It’s better to be an idiot than a loser because at least idiots gain some things. Girls like idiots. Guys like idiots.

I wonder about where I stand and who I am a lot
I found this in my notes app. I removed the names. It's interesting because drugs distort reality, but I feel like this is one of the most honest things I've ever written
E Morris Sep 2018
agony
at last
anger, fierce and friendly
envelops me in a seductive kiss
I wail, I shriek, I appeal
to the gods above that have forsaken me
this is terror
this is triumph
this is pain
this is pleasure
this is that and so much more
emotions cascading and crashing against my stony facade
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