she knows he hates her
she can feel the resentment from a mile away

non-stop thinking about him turns into nightmares
waking her up everyday at 3am
she can't go back to sleep

her mistakes haunt her every night
and she hates herself for it, and can't seem to forgive herself

addictions are hard to overcome
maybe that's why it is so hard to get over you
because to me, you were my drug

it took her months to come to this realization
but one day it just hit her, and it hit her like a brick
that even if he did come back as a new, changed person
nothing could ever repair the damage he's caused
and at that moment she knew nothing would ever be the same again

laying in his arms, huddled up right beside his chest
next thing you know we're kissing, while he's touching my breast
grabbing onto my waist, his hand running down my back
he's playing with my hair, while whispering down my neck

sirens going off in my brain, telling me to run
"run as fast as you can, you are not the only one"
his touch was an indicator for me to leave, but i didn't know how
temporary affection is what held me back, so i thought "it's only for now"

his hand was like a vacuum, every touch ****** bits of my soul away
i knew deep down his desire for my body was the reason he wanted to stay
the more he said he "fell" for me, the more i became sweaty
sweaty with genuine anxiety, for the fact that all i felt was empty

i gave every reason i could to leave but he twisted each excuse in his own way
"it's just a phase of emptiness & numbness you're going through, please stay"
every opportunity i grasped onto to escape
just led to me having my mouth covered with tape

not even self sabotage could free me from his control
so i decided to permanently walk away, but in my heart remained a hole
i constantly asked myself why i stayed when i couldn't feel a connection
but i realized he gave me what daddy didn't: just some affection

i wonder what you would think
if you knew that i wrote poems about you

i thought you were done with her
i thought it was finally the end
i really thought soon it could be my turn, but now i'm not so sure

i'm so tired of waiting for you
tired of waiting for something that most likely won't happen
but i can't let go of the thought

you were the only one who made me feel that way
the most heartbreaking part is that the feeling was nowhere near reciprocated
instead, you fell that way for her

her lost gem, she couldn't seem to find it for months
it was a rare one, expensive too
she treasured it most
until suddenly it was not in the pockets of her jeans anymore the next day

she lost her mind trying to look for it
searching all over her house
even in public places she frequently visited
but it was no where to be found

it was only until months later she saw it again
but with someone else
the gem was no longer hers
and her self loathe grew even more

"how could i be so irresponsible" is what she thought
"if i could go back to the night before i lost it and made sure it was there this would never have happened"
everyday from there on, she wished she could go back in time

she wishes the one who took it would lose it, so somehow it could come back to her
maybe she would find the gem laying around by her house again
she constantly got her hopes up every time she would see a gem
but it was not the same one, it was simply a clone

whenever she'd take a closer look at the gem's look-a-likes, she realized it was only an illusion
they didn't have the same shimmer as the real one
they didn't feel the same
the edges were rough and they weren't even real, they would break apart

she misses her gem, and she knew nothing else would compare to it