now final loss
is speaking close
i don't know how
but here it is
and fallen clouds
that cannot float
lie scattered on the ground

i look up at the
brazen curve

the ancient cage
of stifled gleams
beats into me

and just before the end
it's all a dream
i cannot seem to
understand

the fire of my heart is hot
but coldness sits inside
and rots
the heartache

why the places that i see?
what is here for me?

beyond the ashen hill
i cannot find
the final resting place
i've left behind

before the void comes can you tell
which way the wind blows

or is it just
a silent stillness
on the land
of iron hills and fallen clouds
and solid sky above?

tell me the answers
that i seek to know

perhaps i'll see
the secrets of
my mystery

or else i'll find in something stolen
answers for a broken mind
to feast on
in the day

at night they ****


but trust me, i don't want to die

Before I go
There are cookies in the jar
A note on the mirror
A shopping-list on the counter
with a bunch of apples
for the horses.
And I love you forever.

Tight hugs
Sitting close
Playful shoves
Eyes closed

Breathing in
Breathing out
Lips are silent
Heart shouts

My guy friend
Is a part of me
A part that you
May someday meet

The time we spend
Is so precious
My favorite memories
Are of us

I guess there's nothing
More to say
I'll think of something
Another day.

Only in the understanding
Mind of a poet can you look at someone
Else's poem
Read about
Their
Pain
And think it beautiful.

As I was walking 'round, one day
My face downcast and grim
I heard a stray conversation
They spoke about HIM.

"Jesus is nothing special, man;
He's just another guy."
Not really , I thought to myself,
He made the earth and sky

Thinking on this brought my face up
Chased away the grim
Why ever should I doubt his might
When He took all my sin?

i think
beyond all lies
and twists of personal interpretation
there is a final sunset
somewhere

but the only problem is
i think the road to it
is like the rainbow bridge

you can only walk on it if you're a god

but somehow
a vine seems to grow in me
that will clamber the long divide
of space
and let me glimpse
that sunset

if i remember right
the vine is called connection
to a vital nerve in Christ
and by the life inside
it lays a road of many colors
so i can walk the bridge of colors
and see the colors
that the sun makes
just before the end

but it's not sad at all because
i think the end is like an upside-down horizon
and when the sun goes down
at last
it's rising for the last time
and this time,
it's the Son

Will I ever be OK?
This loneliness always stays
Their lips constantly say
"Darling, you will be OK"

I don't believe what they say
Because I am not OK
And it gets worse day to day
I will never be OK

Will I ever be OK?
Beasts of lonely want to stay
I wish they'd just go away
I just want to be OK

Like a never ending day
Lonely 'gain comes out to play
So to God allmight' I pray
Please don't let the lonely stay.

I just want to be OK.

because the darkness grew
I lied and said you would help me be strong
but the fires in my eyes came down to roost
and now I can't help but sift through your ashes
to find your bones

is there any way to undo
the knots I tied around you
before I lit those flaming words within your soul?

is there escape from the walls I build
to keep me in?
because I don't mean to build them around you too
but somehow I do
and then we're stuck together

and more ashes litter the floor

afterwards.

can I not do this anymore?
or is there something inside me that
claws its way through my eyeballs
to find your soul and **** it bare
and leave it to dry in the night?

is it me?

I wish i knew if I did this to you,
or if it is the night
inside me
flirting with the day to find
a little spark of
demented happiness
in the screams of your eyes
when you look at me for

who I really am.

you know what? I wish I knew who I was
because lost inside the beating of my heart
I think I see a spot of color
but then it's gone and
I don't know anymore

I don't think I ever did.

Because there's so much more
to being me
than burning you.

I just want to find out what that is
because this demon isn't gonna stop
and I kinda wish it would
because I think my soul

is dying

or maybe life is death drawn out in tiny ebbing circles
like a tiny ebbing tide
and the ashes that I make of you
are the tears of last year's bride
condensed and broken into
microscopic
shards
of

fairydust?