He called me beautiful.
He called me strong.
He examined the scars on my heart and deemed them a worthy part of me.

When I learned to stand again,
I swore to walk on my own.
Now he promises to stand at my side and
Go wherever I may go.
Build a life with me.

What have I done to deserve this?
This kindness you offer asks no retribution.

the bathrooms need cleaned and we're out of milk
there's dust on every surface
two weeks' worth of laundry in a corner of the bedroom while
I sit in the basement playing games and watching a
tv show at the same time to shut off the feeling that


I should be doing better than this

He likes the clouds
Slowly shifting spinning circles showing
Shapes solely he sees

What beauty does he see
In a storm-cloudy mind
What form does he see
Fit to call me “perfect?”

I like the stars
Pictures cut through the night sky
I see as the past prescribes.

I do not know what he sees in me,
But how I love
His careful consideration
The wonder in his eyes

Scratching your back until you fall asleep

Your breathing deepens and
The gentle rumbling starts in your chest.

When I am sure you are asleep I
Whisper the words that burst
From my chest.

"i love you."

But if I am stealing this time of ours,
Loving you when I swore to myself I wouldn't,
Even your promises to stay may not hold truth.

The moments I spend with you are bliss.
The time between is riddled with questions

"will you leave me?"

But while you are still, briefly, mine,
It is enough to push the thoughts to the back of my mind,
Submit my body to yours,
And, when you are sated,

Scratch your back until you fall asleep.

I can fold your sweatshirt into
a tidy package and send it back
across state lines
but what do I do with the memories?

I long to return the feeling of your arms around me as you sleep.
I can pack away the necklace you gave me
but when rain falls, its music speaks your name

When will the summer air stop tasting of you, too?

Home is
   Longing for a different view
   Sitting in a tiny bedroom, watching the birds fly
Envious of their freedom

Anywhere else I
   Feel the incessant tug of my family that want me back
   Simultaneously longing for the Friday night card games
And laughing with my mother