You asked me if I loved you.
I didn't know how to reply
seeing that I don't know
what love is just yet.

You told me that you loved me
so I should love you back
and I don't think that's how it
works.

You told me that you
accepted me,
that no one else would
that I would be alone
without you.

Just because you accepted someone
does not mean you love them
because if it did then I would
love so many people.
And I know others accept me,
that I won't be alone if you
leave.

But let me ask you something.
How was I,
a sad little girl,
supposed to love you
when she couldn't
even love
herself?

We have love stories concerning us.
No one seems to know how we
broke up.
You say one thing and I say another.
I guess we disagree on many things
like how our first hug went
or the first words I said to you.
How we actually got together
the first time.

The first time,
it sounds so childish.
Three years ago you asking me
out and I accepting in pity
since the one you thought you actually
liked didn't like you back.

We've had our rough patches
and you want to be friends
but I don't know if I can do that.

You were the first person to like me
back.
To actually understand how I felt
and what I thought
and you still do.
You still hug me and I smile every time.

So I don't know what I'm doing anymore
I guess writing poems about you
when I should be trying
to just be friends
like you want.

But when I've tried so hard to not be
friends
I can't push that all away and give up
all my hard work
even if it hurts us.
I want us to work, but
you want you and someone else
to work.

"Are you afraid?"

Yes I am afraid.
I'm afraid of so much
like the endings to books,
actually loving someone,
having to tell my mother
what I am.

I'm afraid that my family
will hate me,
that my friends already
do.
That everyone who sees me
labels me as
Miss Confused.

I'm afraid of death and life
and everything in between the
two.
Maybe I'm afraid of myself
but I don't truly have
a clue.

I know I'm afraid of who I will
love one day.
What if they hate me now
or what if they think I'm weird?
What if it's the person I broke up
because I didn't love them
anymore.

I'm afraid of a lot of things
and everyone knows it.
Because a world without
fear.
Is like a world without
law.
It's unruly and unjust.
And you do stupid
things that can
get everyone
killed.

So I'm afraid of the alternative,
the thing I fear most
in this world.