I remember
strips of swollen scars all over my body
the camera lens staring me right in the face
the ironic dreadful chuckle behind it
and I remember my tense, numb, weak, small body.

I remember
screaming at the top of my lungs
inside the small tiny space
then proceed to silent mumbling and strong words
and I remember my own sharp, long nails digging into my skin.

I remember
hours and hours of frustration
days and days of fear
weeks and weeks of hate
and I remember my guilt, anger, insanity throughout my years.

I remember
confessing and hiding
fearing and shouting
pain and nothing
and I remember my unloved, hated mind.

I remember
blacking out memories
having poor judgements
feeling worthless
and I remember everything and nothing that makes me me.

You treasured your body,
you kept it for me even before meeting me.

I treasured my heart,
I kept it for you even before knowing you.

You once gave your heart away,
it came back bruised and broken,
I helped it heal after we met
But the thought bothered me,
I wished we met earlier
so you never felt pain like this.

I once gave my body away,
it came back numb and broken,
You helped it heal after we met
But the thought bothered you,
You wished we met earlier
so I never gave up like this.

You kept your body locked down for me
I kept my love locked down for you
so they are not polluted, so they can be pure as new
when
we collide.

I wish
we met earlier, so
I could give you the unbroken and whole me
that you deserved.

Love makes you sick
It tears your guts apart and tie it in knots

It makes you feel stupid
Like an idiot even

Especially when the heart was always locked in a box
You took it out wanting to feel something
Opposing the exact reason you locked it up

It's fragile
You even place a tag on it saying
'Handle it with care'
however you still embraced yourself for pain
24/7

We hurt fearing hurt
Like a tug-of-war
one bears more pain when the knife strikes

But love is where we go back to always
As it makes you love your life at last

I could just be sipping on my cup of milk one morning
and suddenly decided I am not worth living
that I am better off dead

Even with the most gentle soul
The kindest

Even with the happiest life
The most envied

Even with all the dreams fulfilled
There still is a void

As it never was what’s outside that kills
But rather what’s inside

Within the sweetest face
Hides a ******
It kills whatever that is alive
And leaves you dead inside

You can never scream for help as
There is no helping
But to take it from within

So death sometimes
Is
the answer