I was afraid I would lose you.                                                    And then I did

Someone just said something about me,
It’s starting to drive me crazy,
Oh please don’t make it start again,
This isn’t a feeling that can be supported by any men,

My thoughts are beginning to race,
At much too fast of a pace,
I keep trying to make it stop,
I can already feel myself drop,

It’s called anxiety,
Oh there goes gravity,
Here comes insanity,
And everyone’s pity,

I’m starting to lose control,
I can’t feel myself as a whole,
I need help,
I need help,

Here we go again,
I can’t wait for,
The moment when,
My head stops its own war,

It’s called anxiety,
It’s not ending anytime now,
It’s being juged in our society,
It’s not something we should allow,

It’s called anxiety,
Oh there goes gravity,
Here comes insanity,
And everyone’s pity

You were never the kind
Of person
Who could
Get comfortable, who could settle down.
I felt the uprooting.
You set fire to this house
You let the smoke rise,
Before you warned me of danger.
Only when you were safe,
Could I be warned.
By then it was too late.
I had already suffocated.

Did I not deserve one moment of your time?
I stared at the walls, I was crying blind.

You were not there, I had no other.
A sister, a mother, but where was my father?

I wanted to talk, I wanted to grow
I felt betrayed with no place or no home

I was left scared, with no place to turn.
No father to run to, I was feeling astern.

Time passed by, I remembered what mattered,
all of my innocence, all but shattered

I found your headstone many years later,
I cried many tears, I found my father.

Do not accuse her of being silent
She is screaming at the top of her voice
Only if you were not deaf
And opened your ears to hear her

"you cannot catch a wildflower"
       he says.
             "you are my wildflower."

I am lost inside myself
my personal paradise
my own euphoric insanity
could i be as manic as I sometimes believe
to feel as if my soul lives in the earth beneath my feet
and stretches from the root of every tree to the tips of their leaves
exhaling me into the sky to float with the wind from meadow to meadow
I stand with arms stretched
spinning in circles like a tiny tornado
grazing the tips of each blade of grass with my fingertips
dancing with my pointed toes upon dewy petals
breathing in the heavens of the earth
feeling as if the sun was shining from within me
my world could not exist without this insatiable lust for life
you cannot hold me and shelter me under the dark roof you flourish in
I am a wildflower
I need the meadows, the sky, the sun, the air, the freedom

I hate you
because I keep thinking about you all the day
and when I conecte I feel so sad if you’re not there
and I jumb and scream if you say Hi to me
I hate you
because I listen to all the music you like
and I read all the books you read
I hate you**
Because I lost myself so I can get you
cause I become you so you can love me better
I hate you
because for you I did the things I shouldn’t do !!
I lost people I used to know
I hate you
because I get mad so quikely and I laugh for no reason
because I don’t know my self anymore
I hate you
because I cry just because I miss you
and I become the happiest one in the earth when You call me
I hate you
because your love controle me !!

the next time you say
"no one loves me",
remember how its like to have a fever
don't reach the glass of water your throat is thirsting for
close your eyes for a little bit
and see your body for what it is
it is a warzone
and it is fighting to keep you alive
because it loves you
it doesn't know what you are
who you are
what you have done
but with every cut you etch across your skin
as if you are trying to erase your mistake
it heals you as if it is
trying to tell you
you are worth it
you
are
worth it
even if you don't think you are
even if everyone else doesn't think you are

so if you are looking for unconditional love,
reach for that glass of water - clench your thirst
pull that blanket over yourself
sleep knowing that your body loves you, even if you don't love you
tomorrow,
everything will be okay
hold on a little bit.