My own darkness terrifies me,
I am right to be afraid
For there is nothing...
Absolutely nothing,
That I wouldn't do
To avoid this unforgiving hell

© 2014 Peach

With patience he caressed my heart
His filthy hands gleefully left
Sticky black ink stains
He told me they would always remain

With determination I cut my heart out
My tainted hands painfully ripped
At blood filled sinew and muscle
I told him it would be like he never existed and grabbed a shovel

© 2013-2014 Peach

Would you
Allow me
To sip
From your succulent lips
As night
Seductively slides
Against a crimson stained sky?

Would you
Allow me
To trace
The contours of your aching body
As moonlight
Tempting highlights
Your passion filled form?

Would you
Allow me
To teasingly
******
You
Until...
We're both exhausted?

© 2013-2014 Peach

It does not exist
I must insist
For if it did,
I would find it
Somewhere lying in an iridescent mist
No.....
It does not exist
Please cease and desist
You are all dismissed
I shall continue to resist

I do not fear the proverbial fall
My heart will never be involved

It does not exist

© 2013-2014 Peach

My lips have never known the taste of yours.
My nails have never scraped down your chest.
My legs haven’t wrapped around your waist.
No my body has never had the pleasure of being pleasured by you.

You haven’t slipped off my dress to caress.
You haven’t pulled my hair just to kiss down my neck.
You haven’t ****** me until I’m left screaming.
No your body doesn’t know the heat of mine.

But here we are covered with guilt,
Wearing that scarlet letter for this emotional affair.

© 2013-2014 Peach

Washed out flame
Never to reignite 
Face to face
Mouth to mouth
Breathe the terror out
I’m overwhelmed by infinite doubts

I forgot my virtue at the door
At least that's the excuse I'll misuse,
They say tattoos cover any bruise
But then again, so does continued drug abuse

Baby, be my "everything that went wrong”
Fatal love songs remind me of my recklessness
I’ve got another Hail-Mary to choke out- it’s the day of genesis
And you’re my only shame but I lack all eloquence

Digging my own grave
In hopes of learning the lesson
I’m five feet deep,
Torn lace is the only mark of my indiscretion 

Silhouettes fake perfection

© 2014 Peach

I dreamed of tomorrow
But chased my yesterday
I wear my heart like a dried ink stain
Black and misshapen
I like to pretend it didn't happen
Some things bring it all back
Memories fatally attack
A scent
A stray thought
Frozen on the floor
Trembling in knots
Perhaps I really am that *****
I know not when I became filled with such rot

© 2014 Peach

Have you ever
Brushed a feather
Against someone so wrong
That they were absolutely perfect
And you could watch them,
As easy as forever
Dancing in a torrent of rain
Because they were enough
And you were enough
Even though they never said it
You felt it,
You felt it much too well

Yeah, neither have I
Perhaps that's why I don't cry

© 2014 Peach

Wake up to reality
Seems like I’ve got an affinity
For playing with your center of gravity
Can I paint your mental walls red?
Hop on a plane just to find myself in your bed
Possible....
Some might even say probable
But only if you bow down
To worship my invisible crown
Misled, misread but still a thoroughbred
Undeniably ready to be ridden
There are no misgivings
You want vivd?
Tie me up in ribbons
Enjoy my only submission

© 2014 Peach

I want silence
7 minutes
Without you in my head
5 minutes
Where the bustle of this so called life is muted
And the next 23 seconds
To just breathe without feeling so much shame

I spend an ungodly amount of time
Washing away your memory
My last shower lasted
49 minutes, 37 seconds
I can still smell gin and your musky cologne
Sometimes I feel clean...almost whole
Today I feel filthy, stained with past violence

Someone said that memories eventually fade
Slowing bleeding away into nothing

They lied

© 2013- 2014 Peach

You fill my lungs with smoke

Your body burns
Between my finger tips
While ash falls slowly to the floor

I know that you are toxic to my health
But I've been addicted in the worst possible way

I....
Crave you in the morning

I can....
Taste you in the back of my throat

I need you
Like no other

I want you
More than my next breath

You are just like a cigarette
You’ve infected me with your cancer
Quit you I must,
Before you bury me in the ground
And turn my body into dust

© 2013-2014 Peach

Summer breeze coasting through the trees
Wind chimes remind me
I've had better times
But here I am again
******,
Because I can't sleep peacefully
Mary Jane hides the worst in me

As I shut my eyes,
I only see
Darkness,
Liquid black
Like the color of my soul
I was doing so well you see

Clean
Sober
Running
Yoga

But I had a crack in my shield
And the nightmares came back
Brutally vengeful
I only had my screams to keep me company

3 hours, and one very hot shower later
And I'm back,
Contemplating life on the patio
Flicking a lighter
Breathing deep
Letting the smoke seep
Back into my system

*****
High
Still
Weak

It's a vicious cycle
Recovering from memories

My nightmare waits for me back home
2 hours and 12 minutes away
I can't put it off any longer
Just thinking about him makes me anxious
And terribly sad
Because people who tell you they love you
Shouldn't hurt you
They shouldn't force and rip their way inside of you
Until everything burns
Make no mistake
Tears don't blur the violence
Soap never disinfects the shame of silence

I think I should be over it by now
Honestly, **** happens
People get ***** every day
Anyone who tells you different is a liar
Or perhaps just blind
Either way,
I don't need prayers
I don't need sympathy
I probably need a **** lobotomy
Or maybe just a clean slate

So I continue to breathe
One breath at a time
While my eyes gradually drift close

I am alive
But parts of me are dead
I
    Am
            Not
                    Broken
But even Wonder Woman needs a day off

© 2014 Peach

My stilettos carried me around the city
Wandering in night's perfection
I heard the soul of music
Found myself in the most amazing blues bar

Smoke and candlelight
Set the mood for a tear stained voice
Drifting from the shadows
As a spotlight slowly spilled across her ebony face.

She could have been anywhere from 30 to 50
Dressed in a cream dress
A rose in her hair
She had the bar awestruck with wonder

She belted out lyrics in a raspy drawl
Pulled at heart strings with ease
Let her past pass her lips
While knowing fire ignited in her eyes

I leaned back
A slight smile on my lips
Sipped gold, enjoyed a slow burn
I drifted away on a song about whiskey blues

To be continued

© 2013-2014 Peach

Bodies fused
Hearts refused
I'm bored with you....
I mean with this
Pardon my Freudian slip
But you and I are a sinking ship
We lost our script
Somewhere in a forsaken crypt
Slipped and tripped
Because we weren't equipped
To go beyond the strip
Lips and hips
Led towards the typical trip
But I've got the pistol gripped
No fear, time to empty the clip

© 2013-2014 Peach

We exist among twilight shadows
Never in the light of day
Pardon me,
Fast I pray

I run red lights at every turn
Screaming down the coastline
Desperate to avoid anything,
Ok, maybe everything
Time and time again
I won't feel pain

Speak your lies in tongues
Against my parted lips
I'll sip raindrops
From the hollow of your neck
For once I'll give,
You can take
Time is nothing in the hues of the night
Always at night….
Lover I’ll leave you in the light

Tell me you love me,
I may believe it this time
Be my victimless crime

© 2014 Peach

Regrets are nonexistent reflections
Of possibilities
That were never actually possible

They say that hell is an eternity
Of fire and damnation
But at 4 AM
When sleep eludes my advances,
It only sounds like the description of my own mind

Life is temptation,
Temptation beckons coyly
With the promise of heaven often
And I've got nothing
But a come-hither smile
And fragments of fragile lace left

The best you'll ever be able to do is look
But
Never
Fully
Taste

I am much too far from redemption
But consequences,
Fail to prevent your inevitable fall

Seldom have I ever felt remorse for my lack of "grace"

© 2014 Peach

I prefer classical music
On days when I'm feeling numb
The exquisiteness of it all
Breathes fire into my soul
Slowly bringing me back
From an unending abyss
Until I feel almost human again

There are times
When I seem to be consumed
By an utter sadness
That not even I can write about

Should I explain?

I like to light cigarettes
Only to watch them burn away
Gradually turning into bits of ash
I miss their taste
And it's only then that I realize
That I don't drink enough
It's another weakness I'm not allowed

These days,
Pride seems to be my only salvation
Or perhaps it's stubbornness
A sheer force of will to get through the day

Either way,
Dreams remain pain filled
Life is a constant fight against the bleak
And I break mirrors every day
Cracking my reflection with ease
To fragment this forced smile
It's a necessary evil...
To hide everything that I feel
Because surviving is the only thing that matters

To be honest,
Happiness is something I can't touch
An emotion that I can't quite fathom
Though I can't seem to stop trying

Every jungle needs a queen
I'll be ****** if it isn't me

© 2014 Peach

Whisper,
A careless caress of emotion
Stolen through unwilling strokes
I lack all innocence
Memory is my greatest sin

Tell me something
Tell me anything
Because I'm living,
But long dead
Trying to define what isn't mine
I'm loving who I need
Beggin' never leave

We play a different story
One last melody
Always mine

My stars lay by your side

© Peach

This love is so restless
It's making us reckless
99.9% of the time
Oh but baby you're mine...you're mine

We sip our way into the wee hours of day
Drinking every bit of champagne
Hoping to sustain
Dying embers of the flame
Take me back to the night we missed our flight
We were lying in the sand
Playing games of naked twister unplanned
Every demand was issued like a command
Call me crazy but I loved each reprimand

One day maybe
I'll be your leading lady
Until then, baby don't call me baby
I lost my soul somewhere down in Haiti
Love me like crazy

I was losing the fight
Holding tight to the edges of fragile delight
Moaning between every bite
You had me trembling at the increase
Racing fast like lightening towards release
Prime and ready to please
But only if you please
My only goal is to appease
Raising the heat by degrees
Wearing what's left of my chemise
I'm far from a trainee,
A tease waiting anxiously on my knees

One day maybe
I'll be your leading lady
Until then, baby don't call me baby
I lost my soul somewhere down in Haiti
Love me like crazy

Love me like crazy...

© 2014 Peach

He asks, "define emotion?"

In my own state of carelessness,
I give him the answer he never wanted

Happiness, is driving 115 in a 65 MPH zone
Not caring,
Because a part of you wants to die young anyways
A part of you is dead already
But that is your secret
And no one needs to know,
All the aspects that you will never show.

Desperation, is the feel of a sharp knife,
Gliding against ****** skin like an experienced lover
Giving release without slicing too deep.
A smear,
A mark,
A badge of ******* honor
Because you flirted with death and made it out alive.

Stupidity,  is the freedom found at 16
Driving through a coastal city
As the first cold front shimmies it's way through the trees  
Illegally smoking cigarettes
With a half bottle of ***** rolling around underneath the seat
It was always *****,
It just had to be

Pleasure begins in a clever little pill
It was almost too much,
Sublime in nature....
Dangerous in reality
But it made you feel good
And for once
Everything was ok

Reality is the writing of my transgressions
Like I haven't a care in the world who reads them.  

I'm flawed...
Why is this such a surprise to you?

© 2014 Peach

I remember much
Too much it would seem
But some things are better burned
Others perhaps buried…
Somewhere along that forgotten highway
But still,
As the images continue to flicker
There are foul tastes
Disguised underneath all the splendor
Hidden amongst carefree smiles
Deeper than any smoldering look
Lies the darker truth
Built to be whispered ever so slowly
Against disbelieving lips

By all means,
Tell me my own story
You seem to do it so well
I’m sure you’ll be singing so sweetly in hell

© 2014 Peach

I'm guilty
Of frequent mind visits
Down a memory lane
That I'm striving to forget

I'm stuck in a world
Filled with bottomless grey
Dancing hand in hand
With a devil that knows my name

If I'm a mess,
It's only because
That's the way he left me
Stained sheets never wash easy

© 2014 Peach

He used to say
“Give me your love”

“Define love”
Was always my reply

“It’s your body and soul baby, being mine”
He always assumed it was an answer I should know

As night tumbled endlessly
Across a starless sky
I tumbled around
On a bed of pale sheets
Searching for a rhythm
I’d feel deep within my essence

I fell into the moment of
Hands gliding
Hips colliding
Lips seeking
I found empty satisfaction a few times
Somewhere between midnight and 3 AM

I shared my body
But hid my soul
As I dressed
I felt his caress once more
“How about one for the road?” he suggested
As his lips trailed down my neck

No amount
Of body heat
That we generated
Could ever
Warm
My shivering soul

© 2013-2014 Peach

Within my own shattered mind
It's the blind tying ties that bind
Spilling wreckage on this wretched crusade
Maybe you win, cause baby I'm plagued
Thoughts of you and the next "her" swirl
Hell, I prefer to just call her another call girl
I may have set the pace
Ended the chase
But I'll admit that in another time or place
It would have been me and you
Who knows what you're up to?

Guess I need to go back to dreaming
Take a break from feeling
Didn't want a ring
But if this is dealing
Then I'm not dealing
I'll skip the wish you wells
Keep it real and hope she fails

© 2014 Peach

The world I feel,
Is much too quiet
Blanketed in numbing contradictions  
I often forget to mind my tongue
It's the seductress in me,
I'm addicted to certain kinds of fun

So let me ask,
Where did I go wrong?

Was it last week
When I was held tight,
Tied for most of the night?
Or yesterday when I finally gave in?
Because one more minute without you was my greatest sin

Tell me what matters
If you really wanted me
We wouldn't have shattered
So tell me,
Do I even matter?
Cause you still make my heart go pitter-patter

There is nothing worse than thinking of you
When I'm still warm from him
If this is a competition
Then I'm dead tired of trying to win

© 2014 Peach

Within the absence of sound
I find remote solace
From my own turbulent emotions
But memories continue to burn
Ignited by my own fears
Even as I close my eyes,
My own guilty mind has been taken
Consumed with a sorrow filled bitterness
Engulfed by a desperate inferno
Of tales that I shall never speak

If tears,
Could fall as easily as ash
I think perhaps
I might find some semblance of peace
From the fire of my own mind
Yet I am left to wait
Feverishly hoping
For the moment when I shall be released
From my own self inflicted hell

I grow tired of waking up to my own screams

© 2014 Peach

Loneliness is found
58 minutes later
In the arms of a stranger
Wearing what's left of a hiked up dress
Biting down on a down pillow case
Just to ******* own emptiness

Tell me, tell me all about it
Tell me all my wrongs
I'll take whatever weight I've been gifted
Lift it, mesmerize the script and just spit it

And if you're willing
To follow this feeling
Then you can have what I've got left
It isn't much
But a touch is still a touch
Even in times when I don't feel enough
Burning just to burn bright
Lie to me and tell me it's all right

© 2014 Peach

Flickering candlelight
Does nothing to soften
Knife-like silence

As seconds pass
Minutes disappear
Our blood rains gradually
Spreading into an ocean of black

I’ve stopped burning within your atmosphere
Somehow I’m not surprised
I suppose you aren’t either

Hours ran together
A few days turned into weeks
Time never promised to stop
Even for the likes of us

How quickly things change when egos come out to play

© 2014 Peach

Come...
Shatter this reality
I’d fall twice as hard to my knees
If that’s what you needed to feel free