I forgive myself
For making you a choice
For seeing you.

I forgive the anger that ate me inside
Because I let you get so close to me
Only for you to hurt me.

I forgive these unnecessary desires
Things that used to burn for you
But have folded up into cinders.

I forgive the illusions
I chose to hold on to
Knowing that reality has no space for that.

I forgive my heart
That up til now still hopes for you,
Imagines you wondering about me.

I forgive what can no longer be.
Because I need to let go.
First and always, I must hope for me.

Mama warned me countless of times
Never walk alone along the alley at night, "Call me or papa to pick you up"
I took it lightly, thinking it was just another preach-teach
If only I'd listened to her
If only I was stronger

I still walked lightly drunken down that alley that
horrible night,
a pure, broken white lamb limping down the street
just waiting for a black fox of the night to
come enrapture me,
take me away from everything,
as I stood, cold and uncomforted from the night's drunken stupor,
and crying.

As I keep on walking
His voice was still there
In my head screaming,
"You deserved this, shut up!
Wearing like a desperate ****!
Just let me taste you stupid ****!!!"
No matter how i screamed, his immense hands shrouding my mouth tightly.
The more i screamed, the more pain he puts me in.

A couple shoves,
a few bruises,
a yank,
and my silenced whimpers
as he ferociously goes in,
once, twice, too many times.
I'm trapped, heaving...
I should have listened to Mama...

Flashbacks ran through my head
How defiant I am towards my parents
How I always skipped anything physical, always judging girls on how they look.
It's happening to me now
I can do nothing but cry and give in
When he was done, he told me he'll **** my whole family if I tell the police.
I continue walking as my worth fading slowly.

And my fire burned out,
as I stopped struggling,
stopped making any noises,
and just lay still,
as he licked me and caressed me,
he's new found toy,
only to be tossed away later.

As I finally reached my nest,
I couldn't find the words to tell mama.
Not one person, not my boyfriend, not a soul. His face still haunts me every now and then.
He became this demon in my head
That will never go away.
It's been months now,
But this demon got my soul caged
And my lips zipped.
Not a single soul will ever know

Where can I find 
the meaning of peace
when someone's dying every second
because of an empty plate 
and weapons that end a fate

Who can we blame
For the massacre that never ends
Where lives of innocence
treated like ants
Ignorance of what we don't know
Blinded by the media who always
puts on a show

Why is it that we rage 
when we have words
flowing from our minds, 
giving all the answers 
in a rough day

When will this end?
The earth's crying
"Please just **** me completely"
Viruses and disease
engulfs the poverty
But not the rich?
Are we really that blind to see
They preach justice but own the earth to attain power

How bad is the earth's wounds
as blood slowly drips
polluting the soil
creating trapped remains
buried deep in the ground,
never wanting to be found

Every cry of a new born child
Burnt, due to the one who
preached peace
But enslaving the innocence
Not able to savour the taste of the earth
Every mother bathe in blood
Crying in agony as the child dies
Every day is a war that everyone must fight to survive...

but why do they choose to fight, when they can choose to live in peace?

11/26/14

*-Adele ft. Erenn

Remember the first good day we spent?
The sea washed out the sand at our feet,
The city lights twinkled like the stars above.
Only, these were the stars we could touch.
It was the first I'd seen of your carefree laugh;
I told myself then, I haven't seen it enough.
I still haven't had enough of it...

She said, 'The city lights are the stars,
They twinkle in the shrouded night.
I have been waiting for someone
To help me reach for the light.'

It's like I'm in a dream...
Were we together in our past lives?
I was holding this torch forever,
In the darkness, I could only burn bright,
For my neverending love, to seek the forgotten light;
To reunite, and spark into flames together,
Like the Sun, warming, *burning, with it's light;
And I finally found you, through all those blackest nights.

He said, 'If this was meant to be,
I will die over & over again to be in different eras with you.
*To live forever despite living various lives,
To live in the end and die in the beginning!'

These lines on my crevice create chances
Massif trials I must triumph through
Alligning to parallel stigmas creating balance
I must find the power that denotes truth

I tussled my way in thrusting bricks of trust
Between the seams of pride
Throwing away fragments that denies
Death is so near but I feel so alive

Whatever it takes I will pull through
Miracles & Luck I've always believed
Fighting every enmity that ruptures me
Denying that I'm dying is my bulletproof

I dare to dream
I dare to believe
Igniting the fire in my heart
Flames of courage within me
I will fly like a lark
Burning through the dark

So take my hand and you will see
Just how simple it is
*If you just do it
If you just believe