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Jan 2017 · 1.1k
Sundown(er)
Olive Jan 2017
I wish you’ve never heard me laugh,
I wish you’ve never seen me cry.
I hate how without even looking, you can tell I’m upset,
I hate when you can tell I’m lying.
I want every night to be like November,
I want you to race back to my house and spend two hours with me in the driveway.
I want to be your biggest fan.
I love how you say you’ll call,
I love the tattoo on your right shoulder that you never posted,
I love how irritated you get when I say ‘never mind’
I love to imagine I mean something to you, maybe just a fraction of a thought.
I want to yell at you and pick fights,
I want to tell you you’re insane when you swerve on the road to avoid the potholes,
I want to be the best friend you thought you didn’t need,
I want to hold your hand.
I know you’re leaving me in the rubble,
I know you’re driving far, far away,
I know why you’re leaving too.
I want to know your heart like how you’ve come to live in mine,
I want to know you like how you’ve come to know me.
Olive Jan 2017
I hope when you leave,
You don’t think about leaving me.
I hope we stay friends,
I hope we still have the 2 a.m talks.
I love the way you told me goodbye,
I love that you knew from day one.
I think you know me too well,
I think you see me too clearly
You’re my friend and I wish I could disappear with you.
I’m never sure if you’re smiling at me or looking just over my shoulder.
I hope you come back in April,
I hope we go on that road trip in May.
I wish I could say the things I’m too stressed to say.
I’m missing you like hell, although I’ll smile when you drive away.
Jan 2017 · 633
Maybe in May
Olive Jan 2017
Maybe in May we’ll drive to New York,
Maybe in May you’ll say we could work.
I’ve loved you since January,
On my 17th birthday,
When another boy’s arm was around me but I wanted it to be yours.
When I looked around and saw you first.
I want to drive away with you,
But I can never be with you,
I’ll always just be a faint smell from the passenger seat,
Smelling like a candle that’s been blown out,
I hope my name never is meaningless in your mouth,
I love your wood-grain heart,
I think I’ll see you soon. Four months will change a man.
Jan 2016 · 286
Nick
Olive Jan 2016
I do not like the way you touched me.
The way you touched me when you thought I was asleep.
The way you wanted to touch me when I was awake.
The way I would never let you touch me when I was awake.
I do not like how you pushed my hair back,
almost as an act of love, protective, sweet, tender,
you were tender and sweet,
but when I laid with you,
on the pull out couch,
you made moves and I was trying to sleep.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
I didnt do what you wanted so you pushed me off,
saying how I should leave a mark on you for once,
saying how you're always doing all the work,
while you were physical, i needed emotional,
I needed you to care enough,
and now as we are broken up,
and you call me another one of your ****** ex girlfriends,
I dont understand why,
why you wasted your three o'clock moves,
on me,
since I am so ******, according to you
Jan 2016 · 315
I'm not in the mood
Olive Jan 2016
I broke up with him,
I broke off that tie,
I have no friends,
and I want to die.
Not one second of my day feels good,
not one second feels alright.
I am alone, I am a mistake.
Jan 2016 · 339
Unhappy
Olive Jan 2016
I cant go to bed the same way I used to,
it used to take me hours to drift asleep,
but now it takes only a second,
I'm so tired.

I cant cry the same way I used to,
it used to take a lot to cause me to break,
but now it takes only a second,
I'm so sad.

I dont socialize the say way,
it used to be a second nature,
but now I no longer try,
I'm so lonely.
Sep 2015 · 264
If anything
Olive Sep 2015
Anything you say,
Nothing you could've done
Damning my soul to hell
Reaching the deepest chamber of me,
Every minute my thoughts are of you.
Whenever the time is right, I hope you see.
Sep 2015 · 358
I hope I scare you.
Olive Sep 2015
I hope I scare you so much that you just go,
so I won't have to push you away myself.
I hope I scare you so badly you stay away,
just because you know who I am.
The scariest part about me is that I'm you,
I'm mirroring every action and every word.
I hope I scare you half of fright
Sep 2015 · 264
Common Face.
Olive Sep 2015
You were never loved,
Not by me at least,
So dont worry it wasn't anyone important
You've still got everything under control
And I'm stabbing into my skin pleading for,
For maybe just an ounce of self love

So dont worry, not like you would anyways
I'm as irrelevant as always, isn't that right.
Alone is how I'm supposed to be.
Dead is how I'm supposed to be.
Sep 2015 · 266
options
Olive Sep 2015
I realized you no longer want me,
Because every time I say "I miss u"
You pull farther away
You DONT love me.
You never did, isnt that right?
Sep 2015 · 453
smooth all the way down
Olive Sep 2015
I wish I was as cool as you,
Listening to Issues and Blink 182.
You think you have the right to mock,
You don't know how strong I am.
How I can hit like a man would,
How I wouldn't be your manipulated toy
Sep 2015 · 282
alien
Olive Sep 2015
You came up on me and abducted my heart,
The most valuable ***** a girl has,
Besides the thing between her legs,
At least thats what they say,
If my hope is lost then how can I breathe,
I'm pushed under water with your hand,
Your hand cupping my cheek.
Sep 2015 · 271
Innocent
Olive Sep 2015
I always fall too deeply
Too soon and too much
I always grab and then push away,
Because all my past heartache comes to play

I want you to grab me and listen,
Break my neck,
Shake me til I break in half,
I just don't want this anymore,
Maybe just maybe you know
Because I know you never loved me,
You never did
Sep 2015 · 188
compulsion
Olive Sep 2015
If you didn't like it,
I couldn't
If you didn't want it,
I couldnt have it.
I could never grow since I,
I was in your shadows.
So I hung myself off your highest branch.
Olive Sep 2015
If you ever showed a sliver of love,
It was never towards me.
I was never your favorite web to spin,
I was always the best one to devour,
I'd let you come back for seconds,
Thirds
Fourths
Fifths sometimes  if you weren't satisfied
You leave me black and blue in a way no one can see.
So no one would ever know
Olive Sep 2015
I don't need you polluting my thoughts.
I once cared so much about every move,
I just wanted to be good enough for you.
There's bigger things and better ways to live,
I'm tired of living in your shadows.
I'm tired of you picking everyone,
Everyone for your pity bouquet and leaving me to wallow in self pity
You were never a friend, you weren't love.
Aug 2015 · 267
I'm unsure
Olive Aug 2015
There was nothing ever there,
Something tells me nothing every will be

I dream of you,
I think of your soft skin

I wish you saw me,
Looked past my 5'2 frame and look at me.
Olive Aug 2015
Thanks for calling me a friend,
Thanks for wanting to see me around and hear my thoughts,
I'm sorry I forgot to mention how pretty blue your eyes are,
or were at least.
You're a ghost of what I always wanted and I let you slip through,
Now I'm just covered in the remains of your ectoplasm,
Olive Aug 2015
I guess they got what they wanted,
to be under my skin for the rest of my life,
to be my reason to stop and think before eating.
I guess they got what they wanted,
me to **** myself for sport.
I guess they got what they wanted.
Aug 2015 · 267
The Extra
Olive Aug 2015
I do not belong on this Earth,
every morning and every night I wake up with the same feelings
the feelings of, "how is today going to be any different from yesterday?"
and then I remember
It wont be.
I will wake up at 9:34 and I will eat too much breakfast,
I will go downstairs and run off the calories because I have fat arms
I will not eat again until 2:45 and then I'll eat.
I will go downstairs again and run off the calories.
I will eat dinner four hours later and I will feel fine, I will feel full.
I will not go run it off because I still want time to get ready for bed.
I will get in bed at 7:45 and stay up for six hours,
milling on the internet or watching TV,
I will end up crying by around 12:07 because I realize that I have accomplished nothing in my life,
and that I never will.
And that I am an extra person on this earth that you pass on the road,
I am the extra person with two friends because thats all I feel is right
I am the extra person who eats in class and thinks of how to run it off
I am the nicest person until you realize that I am nothing special.
Aug 2015 · 322
Untitled
Olive Aug 2015
You did what you did
You crucified me,
You wait in bushes and let your hate breed.
You always watch me like some sort of freak of nature,
I feel you under my skin,
I can feel your every sin rubbing me raw
Stick nails through my palms and cut me limb for limb
Olive Aug 2015
Dont show up to my work,
even if its a public place.
Do not show up and flash me your crooked teeth in a smile,
they remind me of razor blades.
Dont say 'Hi'
even if it is common courtesy.
Just leave me alone,
just get out of my soul.
Just let me breathe,
let me love someone as much as I loved you god ******.
God ****** why did you dictate me for months,
why did I carry you around in my pocket?
Why did I want you because now,
now all I want is for those razor blade teeth to cut you instead of me
Jul 2015 · 1.6k
Clingy
Olive Jul 2015
People say all the time that they like clingy,
They like knowing someone cares
Well then why is that I am hated,
Even though I love too deeply and quickly
I am a clingy person who gets attached,
Who starts to realize that I might be,
One of the only,
Actual clingy people who will just,
Just never be loved back,
Who will always be the second choice pal,
Who will always get replaced by the boy
I'm so incredibly lonely,
Just floating and looking for another soul
Jul 2015 · 354
If
Olive Jul 2015
If
If one more man tries to tell the world what **** is, I'll explode
If one more white man kills a black person and has it called "justice"
If one more person says that depression is just a phase
If one more parent hits their kid and calls it love
If this world stays so broken.
If this world stays so upside down.
If.
If I bring a child into this world someday, I will tell them I'm sorry
If that kid has to live in this same world,
if my child has to suffer because of anything.
If.
Jul 2015 · 331
I am
Olive Jul 2015
the nicest person in the entire world,
someone who stands her ground when her views are questioned,
the best friend because I will always put you before myself
always the friend who gives up her coat to a friend if they need it,
the shy kid with the loudest laugh.
The most giant clingy loving human being

the friend who gets replaced first
the friend who tries to figure out when it all went wrong
the friend who depends so much that she loses herself
the friend who realizes she is nothing special
the person who never stops crying when she's replaced,
the person who asks "why" over and over until my lungs give out

the person with the most love to give,
someone who loses everyone easily
someone who says I love you and gets nothing back
Jul 2015 · 284
Because
Olive Jul 2015
Your mother died and I'm sorry,
but that does not mean that I forgive you,
I do not forgive your wolfish grin as you held around my throat,
I will not forgive the ****** eyes that stared into mine as you punched me
I will not forgive the menace of my youth
I will not let this reduce the grudge in my mind.
Jul 2015 · 665
Ignored
Olive Jul 2015
I love people who do not love me as much as they should,
I open my arms to people to give them hugs and embracing them
as they stab me in the back.
I always get my own blood from the knives in my backs
confused with love and warmth,
I dont feel like anyone needs me as much as I need them,
every friend I have always hesitates as I say 'I love you'
I always get pushed aside as my friends start to date,
I only ever am relevant when their love turns to hate,
I dont think anymore on my own,
I've become too dependent,
so just ignore me
just let me be by myself.
Jul 2015 · 556
Why?
Olive Jul 2015
Why is it so hard to be happy?
Why is it so difficult to breathe on my own?
Why is everything always not good enough for me?
Why am I setting myself to such high-standards?
Why do I feel lonely within a crowded area?
Why do I find comfort in my own pain?

Why am I always the second choice?
Jul 2015 · 712
If you see me.
Olive Jul 2015
If you see me laughing,
please dont laugh with me,
Because I am not laughing,
I am dry sobbing with a smile on my face,
because pain is so funny to me,
my own pain is so funny to me,
I always do that to myself,
I'm in pain,
so silent and so innocent looking but yet here I am,
laughing like a sociopath,
because I am so used to my own heart breaking.
Jul 2015 · 263
You made a choice
Olive Jul 2015
You chose a two month relationship,
Over someone who gave you real love.

You chose a boy you just met,
Over someone you knew for half a year

You chose a boy who dated everyone,
Over someone who just wanted success

I will never feel guilty for moving on
With or without you
Jul 2015 · 281
Redundant.
Olive Jul 2015
When you tell people you like poetry,
they start listing off all these poets, all the ones they know,
and you, if you're like me, just look utterly disinterested,
because me,
I do not need a name to a work,
I do not need to be aware of what this poet is and stands for,
I just need to feel it, deep inside my brain, pounding my skull
breaking into my rib cage and peeling my heart out
ripping me apart.
Thats what poetry is to me.
Jul 2015 · 632
All my loose ends.
Olive Jul 2015
I cant seem to get over the people in my past,
the kids who called me fat,
who dont remember my name but I remember there's
Robert who preferred Rob, Nicholas who preferred Nick,
They decided that I was a target and I let myself be one.
I let it hurt me.
I got told in therapy that I am too old now to care about it,
something that happened when I was 12,
"in the heat of puberty"
"boys always make fun of girls, its a centuries old happening"
"Sometimes boys are ******* you because they like you"
Jul 2015 · 278
If anyone's reading me.
Olive Jul 2015
I mean this,
please never let one person dictate your life
please never let one human decide whether you are happy or sad,
never give someone that power over you,
you have that power
please never give yourself to somebody
unless you know they love you too
please
Jul 2015 · 514
Closet
Olive Jul 2015
I spent my years in the closet
no, not like that.
I spent my years in the closet,
my clothes were my skin,
Black clothes meant please help me,
blue clothes meant I'm getting sad
Tie dye meaning I want to be free,
Yellow clothes meaning I was happy,
I realized I never looked good in yellow.
Jul 2015 · 261
Bella.
Olive Jul 2015
The terror and panic that once created a solid encasement around me,
is broken.
The once mummifying thoughts of my own demise,
now are gone.
The storm has passed although, for so long, that was all I forecasted.
I never dreamt of myself being around someone so rich,
so rich in love and talent and devotion and dedication,
I never planned myself, someone once so completely scared,
to feel fearless.
I have never planned for this, I guess there was never anyway to see,
You took the clouds and you tore them away,
just like the sunshine you are.
Just like the sunshine you'll always be.
Jul 2015 · 382
New Years
Olive Jul 2015
It was New Years Eve,
11:28 pm
you were wrapped up under a blanket with my bestfriend,
you were dating her then, you were happy then
I was happy for you then, I was wishing for the best

It was New Years Eve,
11:48 pm
Her mother pulled her into the kitchen to tell her not to kiss you
her little sister was around and her mother didnt want her to see,

It was New Years Eve
11:59 pm
The countdown began, you looked to me as a friend and I said, "just do it"
you did it

It was New Years Day
12:00 am
I told you to kiss her so you did,
right on her lips
and I wanted to leave
Jul 2015 · 212
Untitled
Olive Jul 2015
I am a sweet girl, until you realize,
until you realize that I do not show skin for a reason,
I do not take photos without certain lighting,
I do not want to see certain people,
I am a sweet girl until you realize that I am not
Feb 2015 · 241
Untitled
Olive Feb 2015
why does everyone seem so much happier without me?
how come when i am not there everyone's mind is eased?
depressed feelinglonely sad
Jan 2015 · 443
wondered
Olive Jan 2015
We always ask the kids,
"Who are your friends?"
or
"What teachers do you like?"
or
"What would you like for dinner?"
but I never, ever have heard someone ask,
"Are you alright?"
until it is too late
Jan 2015 · 674
My Fears
Olive Jan 2015
Some people,
they fear the dark, they fear snakes, the fear storms.
I, I fear the way that he looks at me,
what was once a decent smile is now a murderous grin.
Every second I stare I can feel his grip tighten on my neck,
he hasnt talked to me since.
I havent wanted him since,
the nightmares I have,
waking up and having him in my house,
waking up and having him killing me,
like he said he would,
like he said he wanted to.
Jan 2015 · 443
Touches
Olive Jan 2015
There is nothing as tender as a grandmother's touch,
but to me it is as if I am being burned by fiery coals.
My parents embrace me to say hello, goodbye or see you soon,
but to me, a simple words are more then enough.
The touch, whether romantic or hateful or not with any explanation at all,
stays with me for days, weeks, months, years even.
I think of the people who touched me and I cringe,
I think and I wonder why I am so opposed to affections.
But then I remember,
I am not like the others.
For I,
I am addicted to the feeling of feeling pure and clean.

— The End —