Give and take, that’s how the world works
You give what you can and accept what you believe you deserve
All I have to give is love
I give it freely
I give and I give and I give
There’s none left for myself
I don’t deserve it
I don’t see what others see
I receive what others give, but I do not accept
A failure is all I see
An amalgamation of the shattered remnants of whom I was
I want to accept the love of others
I want to accept love for myself
I can’t
I don’t deserve it, I failed everyone

I am both flames and snowflakes.


I'll explode into sparks then I'll calm down like the falling snow.  

I will challenge your comfort zone, but I'll fight to stay in mine.  

I will feel fire in my heart when I am passionate or angry,

I will feel a blizzard when I am curious or afraid.

I will always rise, even if I fall.

I will roar louder than the mighty lion or slither quieter than the sly snake.

I will forgive without thought, or I will wear revenge with grace.

I will become completely attached to you, or leave without thought.

I will tear my barriers apart or build garden gates.

I will be bold, or I will never speak.

I will authentically be myself, or what I need to become.



I am simple, I depend on you.

Oh
            how we try                          
                                  with feeble hands      
        to keep everything
                                       our broken minds                    
     from falling apart

I will reach out the same hands I used to push the world away
And grasp to it like a child
Do not leave me alone right now or I will cease to exist.

I will fade, eventually, one day, maybe; but I will not fade like this.

I will shake apart into the billion pieces I ripped myself into
And scatter myself in the wind.
If I am apart, I cannot, all at once, be yanked from my body.

There's is no pull but the one I feel, I know something's got me.

I can feel the panic creep up my spine and constrict my lungs
Hold my hand please
I am not ready, I don't want to leave again, I can't endure another crash.

I curl into the tightest of ***** and pray this moment will pass.





I would that you, someone, would make me real.
I have tried and failed.
In this moment, I exist and I believe it.

Tomorrow, I will float above myself and know.
I will know we are all a lie.
I will question why I pretend at living and try to cease it.

Paranoia will cover my brain and tell me the truth:
None of this is real. I am not real.
But I would like to real. I would that you, someone, would make me it.