This sinking feeling sets,
It feels just like a hole inside your chest.
I know you're thinking,
No, no, no, no, it is easier said than done,
But please let me attest.
I know it's hard.
You're feeling like you're trapped,
But that's how you react,
When you cannot see the light.
But try and see the light.
I'm tellin' you,
No, no, no, no,
You're the only one
Standing in your way,
Just take a breath, relax, and tell me…

Why?
Please tell me why do we worry?
Why?
Why do we worry at all?
Why?
Just tell me why do we worry?
When worry is never helping tell me
Why?
Why worry at all?

Why do we insist,
On crossing bridges that do not exist?
Let's take these issues
Step by step by step, to work it out,
Day by day by day we're falling down,
But life goes on.
I've got some questions,
Are you sick of feelin' sorry?
Uh huh,
And people sayin' not to worry?
Uh huh,
Sick of hearing this hakuna matata motto,
From people who won the lotto,
We're not that lucky.
Have you noticed that you're breathing?
Uh huh,
Look around and count your blessings,
Uh huh,
So when you're sick of all this stressin' and guessin' I'm suggestin' you turn this up and let them hear you sing it.

Why?
Please tell me why do we worry?
Why?
Why do we worry at all?
Why?
Just tell me why do we worry?
When worry is never helping tell me
Why?
Why worry at all?

Chin up, quit actin' like you're half dead.
Tears can only half fill how you’re feelin'.
Don't worry, be happy baby.
Stand up, life is too **** short,
That clock is ticking.
Man up, if ya feel me,
Everybody sing it.

Why?
Please tell me why do we worry?
Why?
Why do we worry at all?
Why?
Just tell me why do we worry?
When worry is never helping tell me
Why?
Why worry at all?

Why?
Please tell me why do we worry?
Why?
Why do we worry at all?
Why?
Just tell me why do we worry?
When worry is never helping
I'm not buying what they're selling
So if worry's never helping tell me
Why,
Why?
Worry at all?

Nothing is wrong
Everything is right
I will be fine
Leave me alone
Just stop trying
I can't be helped
no one will listen

**not even you

blue eyes
gradient
marble
beautiful

quick, hurry up.
If you don't,
People around will try to stop it.
Hurry.
Please.
I say i'm sorry
But then i don't stop.
h e l p   m e   p l e a s e
s e n d   m e   t o   w h e r e   m o s t   p e o p l e
d o n ‘ t   e v e r   t h i n k   o f.

ikeepgettingfurtherandfurtherawayfrommygoals
hurry.
actually,­
F   o   r   g   e   t         i         s   a   i   d         a   n   y   t   h   i   n   g

SMASH*
SPLATTER*

Cries

knowing
but waiting

screaming
but not showing it

calling for help
but not really

listening
but writing this poem

covered in a shell
as one by one,
bubbles join.
i hope they will go away,
but I know i will pop before they do.

winds that blow
mountains of fright
and you know
It won't be alright

how does it feel
to spring up
to stop old habits
and gain new
you go through 'phases'
that end up being more than just
phases.

how does it feel
to spring up
to start new things
and give up
you go through 'friends'
who end up being less than
friends.

how does it feel
to spring up
to realize life
doesn't always go your way
you go through looks
that end up being you hating yourself
even more than before

how does it feel
to spring up
and die
and be happy
with this version
of yourself

I didn't let them in
I knew they wouldn't understand
they said they could
but I can't do it to them
I can't let the burden of myself onto them
everyone's cruel words
climbed up my legs,
swam past my spine,
and planted themselves on my shoulders
where they stay.
everything hateful goes there
I don't know how to help anyone
even though i'm the one who really needs it
I called for help
but by the time people listened

**it was too late

Drier than before
but no one listens

no one

listens

i tried

and i'm done

n o   o n e   l i s t e n s

my eyes
dry from tears
people ask about my dry skin
but,
i can't answer truthfully
i want to
but i can't

i must hide this side of me
with a fake smile
and a pretend personality

and

a n   u n r e a l   m e

the snow is cold but i am colder
the sound is buzzing but my mind is louder
the voices
the buzzing
the terrible, terrible sound of her voice.
echoing through my head
telling me to listen
but I will not.

I am the victim.
I am the detective.
I am the suspect.
I am the witness,
of my own crime,
which I have done,
but I will not be there,
to serve my sentence.

Words
Pictures
Ignorance

All On The Internet

Information
Videos
Lies

All On The Internet

Friends
Family
Enemies

All On The Internet

Some Hate

Some Love

Some Don't Care

Some Care Too Much

I s   i t   a   g o o d   t h i n g   o r   a   b a d   t h i n g?

T h e   i n t e r n e t   c o n t r o l s   u s

B u t   i t   a l s o   g i v e s   u s   a   w a y   t o   c o n n e c t

Connect
C O N N E C T

Collections
Of
Nothing
Not
Everything
Crying
Tears

drip
drip
drip
red
too much.
too much blood.

"behind my smile
is a hurting heart
behind my laugh
im falling apart
look closer and you will see
the girl i am... isn't me"

alive
but trapped

dead
but free

the choice is yours

the fear of falling apart~~~~~

the leather jacket
sitting
watching
looking
searching
for answers.

the white jeans
hanging
knowing
wondering
stained
with tears

the black keyboard
listening
tapping
pattering
*patter
patter
patter

Lesbian. I hate that word
Everyone thinks. But,
Sorrow fills me every time
‘Bryn is a girl’ is what the word implies.
I** am not a girl.
A girl is not what i am, what i am is myself.
No. No more titles. I’m done with the titles.

bump
bump
bump
bump
bump
bump
bump
bump
bump
bu­mp
bump

silence

bump

silence

bump

BEEP

­*silence

silence

silence

texts from everyone
decorated places
Instagram shoutouts
all through the night
and I awake
covered in streamers and cake

Self confidence leaks from the tight plastic bag
that has held you together for so long
slowly filling up
grade by grade

telling yourself you will do better next time

then,

doing even worse.

on the moon
seeing the stars
watching the other planets
floating by
they look so happy
why can't I be
but
i don't know them.
i've never been on their surface
or their core
I don't know what's happening
with them
with their moons
with people I could have known when I was younger
but just don't remember.
in another lifetime,
i could have been them,
and they could have been me
but deep down,
I will never know who they are
unless I find the courage to try,
but something is holding me back
something deep inside of me
something called

anxiety
depression
and the fact that I know
that they wont like me.

how to write:
1. paper
2. pencil
3. write

**but how

"mommy am i a big girl yet"
is what i used to say,
back in the innocent times of 7 years old.

"mom when i grow older will i drive"
is what i used to say,
which she would respond with a sweet yes

"mom can you help me with my homework?"
is what i used to say,
back when i wasn't afraid to ask for help

"mom... actually never mind"
i would say, just a few years ago
and she would smile and say tell me later then

"mom... i wish... i had been a better daughter"
is what i am going to think, when it's too late
and she can't hear me.
she can't smile her sweet smile
and she can't hold me in her arms
and tell me everything will be
**o k a y

There's no sunshine,
this impossible year.
Only black days,
and sky grays,
and clouds full of fear,
and storms full of sorrow,
that won't disappear.
Just typhoons,
and monsoons.
This impossible year.

gay
or
girl

both
or
neither

one
or
the other

in between
or
some other form

tossing and turning
tucking myself in,
over,
and over,
and over again.
i guess i can't cry myself to sleep,
if i can't sleep at all
i guess i can't be late
if i never go to sleep
i guess i can't even
say the words...
the three words...

insomnia

not
enduring
enough
daytime

help
end my
laughing
poetry

10%
9%
8%
7%
6%
5%
4%
3%
2%
1%

dead

1%

but wait

2%

what's this?

3%

it's charging back up

4%

maybe i could too...

5%

until i'm

6%

100%

7%

or at least

8%

somewhere

9%

almost at 10

10%

i have reached a small portion

11%

of what my best could be

12%

**keep going

Why doesn't he love me?
He looks at this girl
And what does he see?
His sister, a ghost, everything he doesn't want me to be.

He once loved me.
Looked up to me even.
And what did he see?
His role model, flawless, everything he wanted me to be.

A hole inside your chest
driving through
the cold
the snow
but the ice breaks
you know
that you will too.

Friends are everything
But nothing at all

scattered pieces all over the floor.
the cracked floor that I call my mental stability

watching as it dissolves in the water
the salty water that I call my tears

falling apart in this dammed place.
this dammed place called planet earth.

why must you make it your duty to make me miserable?
why?
you think you know everything
and you might have better grades than me,
but flaunting it shows how ignorant you truly are
soooo...
*******.

I try to stop
but the feeling
the mood
the stress
the depression
won't disappear

my heart is stopped
my brain keeps moving
my eyes are tired
my brain stays awake
my feet can't move anymore
my brain goes further
enough.
just ******* enough.

sway
swing
swoosh
SLAP*
gray skies
blackened soul
green nature
but not the green that is alive,
but the kind that is dead.
rusty,
brownish,
grayish,
green.

screeches
scratches
chills
fright
I wake up again and again
all through the night

dust,
dirt,
bags,
work.
stuffed nose,
scratched toes,
all for the sake of the move.
making time for friends
is not an option
so i sit,
and write,
hoping someone will find me,
hold me,
tell me it's okay.
but the people that can,
are packing up.
packing up the rooms,
the beds.
and most importantly the memories.
they tell me i'll make friends wherever i go,
but is that true?
is it really true?
or will i just
sit,
cry,
and not know what to do,
when my friends and i
g r o w   a  p  a  r  t,
find more people,
people better than me,
that they will befriend.
those people will be better than me,
so it make sense why they would leave me for them.
i understand,
i'm alright,
it's my fault for moving
right?
the annoying question;
why are you moving?
that i can't answer,
even though i know the truth.
goodbye my friends,
even if we don't see each other again in this life,
maybe if we don't live around each other in this life,
if we stop talking,
if all i have left are the memories, good or bad,
i will hold on to them,
for this year,
was the year,
i met so many people,
befriended lots,
and was almost,
almost,
truly happy.

Awake me my nightmare,
let me escape this hell,
please,
all i want to be is free.

If only I knew how to fly,
Then I could convince myself,
It isn't my time to die.

*I'm plunging to the ground~

go fast
run swift
don't show
you're late

The Walls.

Four of them.
I look around and think...
They are closing me in
But then i remember.
they're not

i'm tired.
is it too much to ask for sleep?
my brain.
it doesn't stop.
stop talking
it doesn't stop.
just shut up
it doesn't ******* stop

Too good to be true.
summer,
is too good to be true.
all i needed was a friend
but they live 20 miles away
i can't do this
i

c
a
n
t

the simpler,
kinder,
funner,
nicer times.
the times when we could
relax,
sit back,
and play,
in the playground times.