NOLWAZI JOUBERT

Jan 2018

Luis Valencia

When you called me
I waited a second to answer
Anxiety shook my body to its core
In that second time shifted
That second turned into 5 seconds
Then into 30 seconds
By then the phone stopped ringing

I never knew what heartbreak was
I was naive when it came to love
But somehow my perspective shifted
I felt my heartbreak in those 30 seconds

The phone rang again

And I watched it’s blinking red lights-
Mock the tears streaming down my face

I backed away
The phone screamed with desperation
Its screams ridiculing my heart
Laughing at the cracks forming

Missed calls
Most people don’t know the true meaning behind the name
I do
They call them that because they are missed conversations
Missed hopes, missed second chances
They are able to make someone miss you

I do not answer his calls anymore
It hurts too much to give myself false hope
When he just wants friendship

today he called me and I did not answer, he was my best friend but I wanted more. Here is a tribute to my dreams that were washed away when I hung up the phone.

#phone #love #life #devotion #illusions #breaking

NOLWAZI JOUBERT Jan 2018

Healing

My heart so filled with rage.
My mind with revenge.
My ink has become dry.

I stare at the blank page
And all I get is nothing.
Singing to my favourite songs too,
Has become a task that doesn't heal.

At times I wish to explain,
Because I know I have the answers.
But what does it matter to the world,
Because no one seems to care.

I am filled with rage.
And I know revenge is the last thing.
I am filled with pain.
And I have allowed it to engrave in my heart.

I am filled with rage,
And it's bad habits have been slowly creeping in.
Anger is such a bad emotion,
And so is the scare that you have left behind.

E

NOLWAZI JOUBERT Jan 2018

Faded

I wrote your name on a page,
I hoped it would stay.
For in my heart it had failed to stay,
Like the morning fog on a sunny day.

You were so sweet and kind.
Your voice brought harmony,
Like chapping birds of the summer.

From the horizon you stood still.
Silhouetted by the evening sun.
I saw furry burn,
I felt hate.
Pride drowned you bitterly.
And from that moment you where gone.

NOLWAZI JOUBERT Mar 2017

MISSING YOU EVERYDAY

solitude is not loneliness,
it is a peace of mind,
self identity.
it is a solid foundation to a life we tend to avoid.
it is strength within all weakened thoughts and feelings.

loneliness is the state i am stuck in,
getting up and knowing that i will not be able to see you today.
you linger in my mind,
the memories of you i have hidden inside.

i am not me now that i sit alone.,
looking at that spot you once set,
speaking and talking.
giggling and laughing,
in confusion and in complete silence.
your heart was richly pounded with joy.

now in the hallow walls of silence ,
i lay in dead solitude,
of pain and struggles,
of heart breaks and loneliness,
my weakness has threatened me dearly.

it is in loneliness that i stand.
missing you everyday.
wishing you where there to share those moments that we once had.
i stare in absence at that place you once sat.
i feel your presence and i hear your voice,
and i blow up in tears i just can't help myself,
they say distance is not a barrier but the truth behind it is that its all a lie.

to my friends that i miss dearly: Lindokuhle and Zandy

NOLWAZI JOUBERT Jan 2017

comforter

caught from the blue,
with my polished
and sparkling eyes.
all that everyone saw was beauty,

while deep inside pain crept.
forgetting of its existence.
to me it became profane.
refusing to speak of it
Allowing myself to forgetting.

then at my cheerful being of night,
you saw through me
what i had forgotten.
it was the pain that dwelt.
and all the broken pieces inside of me.

lost in the dark night with a fake smile,
i would have never known all was wrong.
and healing could have never come.
but you helped me admit to my wrong.

today i look back at the lost time in darkness.
all the happiness wasted.
i could have been cheerful then,
but now that am at ease,
solace came unexpectedly
gratitude is the token of appreciation i have for you.

Thanks to a dear friend

#love #peace #happiness #gratitude #thanks #gladness #appreciaton

NOLWAZI JOUBERT Jan 2017

The Inner-Child

She sits watching,
over the plain sky in wondering.
is this how my life should be?
should i even consider this real.

i have been lost for too long in my wanderings,
my dreams have become too real to compare.
yesterday i lay awake yet sleeping,
thinking of ways to make me feel better when i wake up.

then today am caught up in wanderings again,
is my life real,
or is it a dream?
have i dissociated myself too long from reality
that i don't even know if an still in pain?
have i rejected the idea of love
that now all that lives in me is anger?

have i been drown in so much sorrow
that now all i feel is anger?
have i been hurting for too long that i don't even know if am in heartbreak?

what happened to all that jolliness,
what happened to that girl who always had a smile.
what happened to me that now i do not see the beauty of the sky.
my eyes once sparkled like the stars,
but today they have been veiled with darkness.
what happened to that little girl that always tickled my interior,
the giddiness in her has died

#fear #anger #hate #pain #frustration #sorrow #darkness #lonliness #coldness

NOLWAZI JOUBERT Dec 2016

Now a friend

I wouldn't have guessed you were so kind.
I wouldn't have guessed you were comforting.
All i saw was a good looking gentleman.

Always eager to see your smile close enough,
Now at the back of my mind it is reflecting like the rays of the sun.
Always eager to hear your voice.
Now am shocked to find out you sing sweet clarinets.

I wouldn't have guessed your honesty
I wouldn't have guessed you cared.
All i saw was a fine walk not much of a meaning behind it.

Always eager to walk besides you
Now i know i can trust you with my all
Always eager to know your name
Now i know that you are just the comforter your name means.

I could have never guessed so well.
Only a dump fairy tale with a sad ending,
Now i wish the whole world knows about my endless dreams,

My shy side safely kept away,
I would have never gained the confidence to say "Hie"
And now that i did my biggest fear is saying "Bye" forever.

now that we share in many similarities,
there is still one thing i pray for dearly
(that you see me worthy to be your 'Ruth')
for in me i see the most finest 'Boaz'

m.d

#love #trust #desire #passion #dreams #hopes #patience #wishes #care #believing