write about how love has changed your life
little sayings about happiness

but did anyone see the knife?
as you proceeded to undress

"i only care for the dopamine"
you said

is that why you carved your name in her back,
why she never knew the dread?
*"it was all in your head"

i often hear holding things dear,
ive never been sure why "forever"
felt as suffocating as this deal im making
with the devil,
this life im faking, lives ive been taking

why is forever, a wide eyed believer?
greener than greed, darker than lust
poison ivy climbing from out of my eyes
just to remind me
that forever
will always stay longer
than you ever would.

i look into the mirror
how could this get nearer
to staring into my foreign eyes
saying the last goodbyes
to the something i kept inside

breathing feels like swallowing gasoline,
is there someone hiding in the back of me?
again, knife in hand
point and tip ready to land
straight in my spine
you know i would climb
to the top of mount everest
just to get some kind of relief
but the more oxygen i get stuck in my lungs
the harder it becomes to push it back out
i can feel, i can feel this turning into a blackout

anesthetize my mind and let me fall asleep
unbind, unwind, take a part the windchimes
that rattle during the storm
something once thought to be beautiful
is now a constant reminder of how
strong the wind has gotten

youre the opposite side of my day dream
some kind of midnight answer
to the questions we lost upstream
im leading you through the truths
but nothing i say is fool proof

the room is dark and you cant breathe
all you can hear is the rushing
of breath between your chapped lips, breathe
you tell your body, leave,
you tell your mind.

there's too much sound
in this silence.

ive never been a person
to see the word without feeling worse and,
dear god
stop looking at me with eyes
telling me to let lies
spill from my open mouth

ive never been a person
instead i am
a lethargic mass
humming to the beat
of my own convulsions