It's the scent of
sunscreen and Argan oil
in your hair and
the softness of a pillow
beneath your head.
The dilation of your brown eyes
staring up into the white stucco.
Remembering the old days
as they were.
When the sand of our bodies
told the difference in time,
chasing us towards the edge
of the water.
"I miss the tall grass," you said
pulling a reed up from the earth.
"I miss looking down into the water
and seeing both our feet,"
but as clear as it was then
where little fish and turtles swam
the future was never coherent
as we thought.
Because the grains that fell
from our skin
represented more than us.
It was life slipping from our hands
When we were young and tanned.
It's what we do when
looking for it
'Time can tell a lot of things,'  I whisper
Realizing,
what I've lost.

I thought I could hold
the world
on my shoulders
but all I do is give
beneath the weight of
countless choices that I've made
Still, strangers faces seem
so much kinder then
the ones I call my own
but faces change like reveries
and people fall like dominos.
How far can I go?
without a messenger to save me,
or a magic spell to cure what ails,
since I'm never on the mend.
I've been searching for some hope
or someone broken
at the the start
Where all of your pieces,
shift with all of my shattered parts
and you'll shoulder the weight
of this world I hold
or tell me too keep going.
Oh, and if not you then give me
peace by showing
all these messy matters
a life good enough to serve
on a silver platter
because
How far can I go?
without a ghost inside my soul,
or a shell to communicate with the sea,
This world is just to big too
accomodate someone so weak and
How far can I go?
If I don't know if there's
hope for me.
Tell me,
how far will I go?
If there's no hope for me.

I want a mouthful
  of truth
without you sugar coating
  every word
but those lies that lie
  behind your pearly whites
only goes to show
  you can't ever tell the truth.
So, I'll keep my mouth shut
  bite my tongue so hard
My lips touch
  like a kiss from you
Never open, only
  Blowing our love out of proportion
because I can't give
   my heart to you
with no proof,
just changing gears
  and shifty eyes.
You whisper, "Honey,"
  But that's your disguise
Executing every syllable and consonant
  Like a devout man
but baby you're not heaven sent.
  So, pull me close
until you start to fall apart
  and to be honest I can't wait
to hear you talk your way
  Out of this one
but I'll be sweet enough
  to watch you rot
From too many
  candy covered lies.

Every inch is
dressed in gray
ashes of our yesterday
Scattered all throughout the air
I let them go without much care
since every time I breathe
Through what remains
I ask you not to leave
For me
while you slip
from my hands.
My life line does not understand
Why this array of
Burnt remains is almost through
While I cry out your name
It all tends to be the same
Please don't leave me
Here alone
I'm afraid too
I grieve for you
As all your
Ashes, ashes
Fall...

They say
"She wants to **** him hard,"
but he hardly wants to **** her
still he calls day and night
and like a therapist she listens
**** this
**** that
**** this *****
and not you
When will you learn?
He's a man
educating you on
how to be a lap dog
you put your head
in his lap
and he'll ask you to beg
He doesn't give a **** about you
but you cling to him
like a dog ******* a leg.
You stupid girl
You stupid girl.
He doesn't want you
He wants himself.
While he looks in the mirror
with his tiny *******
he thinks, "I'm the man
take this all my *******"
and he rubs one out for him
not you
not her
not anyone but himself
He
doesn't
want
you.

I want to escape
My body is a weight
I'd wish to plunge into the sea.
All this salt inside my wounds
still,
I cannot be unanchored to you
"Nothing purifies
     a body like mine," you say.
I dream of ships
crashed upon the rocks
where they lay my body soft --
against the tattered sails,
Do you lust for me now?
You ****** these broken limbs
like a ****** hound
biting at my heels
was I good for just one meal?
chased out in the road
where girls like us go
to say goodnight
to what we owe
for a body that is
not our own.

Please,
take all my burdens
with heavy eyelids
weighted shoulders
I lie down on my stomach.
I wish to sleep tonight
without disturbance
Please,
Let me sleep
with peace enough
too dream.
I am tired.
In this endless worry
Give me release.
Allow only this.