Please tell me,
I'm going to be okay.
Please tell me,
You won't turn me away.
I need you now,
More than ever,
Because I feel like I'll fall,
But this time,
I don't know how hard it'll be.
Please tell me,
There's some hope for me.
That I'm not a disgrace,
A freak,
and a pest.
I just want to be normal,
I never wanted this.
So please,
I'm begging you,
Please tell me,
You'll still love me,
Even after all I've become.

Perhaps this time,
It wasn't supposed to be.
Maybe this fleeting happiness
Will some how come to stay,
But I no longer clutch such false hopes.
For me,
I feel a void expanding in my chest;
It never slows,
Increasing as fast as the wind blows.
It's no wonder the feelings,
In which once ran free,
No longer come to me
In gusts like vibrations,
Washing over the sea.
So once again
I ponder the ways
I'll never be able to keep the tears at bay.
A part of me wishes
I'll one day be better,
But I already know
It'll be forever.
For now I just wait
Until I awake,
So then I'll be the one I should be,
Not who I've come to be...

The decision I made,
my mistake,
gazing in the mirror with myself to blame.
I often second guess myself to death,
I re-solicit every step,
I attempt to catch each minute as it comes to me,
Contain the recollections
and let them stay by me.
Now days,
all the children want to be insane,
self diagnose and fix themselves,
go around prescription pills.
Be that as it may,
my disorder can't be cured.
Self-disdain and selfishness tend to hold me
awfully close.
Attempt as I may
to keep it together
why is recuperation taking forever?
Trick the world,
just until I get better,
but maybe I'll be faking forever.
Endlessly I ponder what went wrong inside my head,
I don't have the answers, but I wish I did.
All the torment I can't clarify
won't blur the fear, the sadness, the pain of it all,
by the disgrace that is my mind.

Sometimes,
I think about what the world would be like,
If you weren't in it.
The grass would still grow,
The tides will still turn,
Children would still laugh,
and birds would still sing.
Time would continue to proceed,
The earth would continue to spin,
and life would progress without you.
That is a reality I could not bear,
Because not for one moment could I wish,
A world without you.
Not for another,
Would I want to.

Maybe it's the way
You sing softly as I sleep,
Or maybe it's the way
My heart is yours to keep.
Maybe it's the way you speak,
Or sometimes even the way you squeak,
But all I know,
Is for a fact,
Is all of me
Loves all of you,
And maybe one day
You and me can be a "we".
But you my love,
Who are so bright,
Could not be touched
By someone as tainted
As I.
How cruel it is,
Fate taunts me this way,
But darling know,
I will never stray.
Just to feel you near me,
Is like the sun kissing away the frost from my soul;
But you darling,
Are the perfect bait.
I find myself wondering
About the coming days together,
How someone as cold as I,
Could be with someone as warm as thy?
I'm not worthy of such perfection,
Such grace,
Such elegance,
Truly purity of all there is that is just.
How could the angel before me,
Truly be mine?
A man so beautiful,
So divine,
I call my lover,
My twine.
The man whose arms I gladly reside,
For I am his home,
and he is mine.

How I adore those fleeting moments
Wrapped in lace and tender touches.
Those intimate instances where the heart is flooded by butterfly kisses,
and the body ignited by fire.
I long for love's innocence
By the voice you whisper late at night.
I long for love's passion,
By your lips pressed gently against my own.
I long for love's warm embrace,
By your arms when the world crumbles beneath my feet.
But most of all,
More than anything,
I long for you.
My love.
My kerosene.
I only wished,
You longed for that love too.