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I have to stop.
All this has to stop.
Writing about  you, about what I feel for you.
That doesn't help.
I have to forget you.
You are my worst almost.

I have to move on.
We were nothing anyway huh.
Everything was in my head, right.
Get out of my head, my heart and my soul.
I will not write about you anymore.
Leave me here beneath the willow,
beneath the setting skies:
Now that I finally have a moment alone,
I can learn to drown my cries.
The water here is cool
as if from fall's frostbitten lips,
and I long for some revival
in her ever gentle kiss.
It is the seasons and I
who have missed you the most;
February and its fears.
But it is this willow tree that will coax
out from within me all these tears.
What if you never come back to me?
Whatever will I do?
To whom will I give my love,
when this wood has rotted through?
This willow will cease to dance,
and I'll refuse to sing
A song of how you left us both
for a war that fateful spring.
I wrote this on my cracked little phone screen through some weepy tears, so I'll have to edit it and proofread it later.
Don't get close to me
I will ruin you
So much hurt, so much pain
You'd never know it by just a glance
You'd never feel her timid fear of you
While you shake her hand.

You'd never know she was touched and abused
By the smile she gives you
And you'd never think twice about her innocence
Because of the way she moves you.

You'd never know of her fear of men
Because she seems so bold
But appearances can be misleading and
Her eyes do not tell the story of her soul.

Alone deep inside
She sits by the river and she wonders
Where her heart and soul have ran off to
And why they left without her.
REVISED.  Written: June 21st.
These feelings & emotions
Feel as if they are Infused inside,
A depressed state of mind  
Discovering myself is the hardest rhyme,
I drown in every hide tide
Never able to win
Restraining the pain within
My blood drys thin
Noise mutters from the hells next door
Waves crashing at the shore
Of my brittle skin
Crying on the edges of hell  
A heart that can't mend
Handling what I can't hold in
I swallow down my sins
I want to feel you **** me again,
This time just like you tried back then,
I want to look you in your degenerating eyes,
To search inside all your precious lies,
The ones you were fed from youth,
The ones you believed as your truth,
I want to create your shattered reality,
And drive you into cowardice insanity,
I want to relive that desperate moment with you,
I want to ignore the pain and feel what was true,
I've released this relentless anger you inflicted,
But I know somehow you will always be addicted,
To the screams you heard on that delicate day,
So I wish to perform again and to your dismay,
No screams or pleas to stop the strain,
No ******* from body to brain,
Only stone cold eyes looking back at yours,
As your soul becomes the one mine devours.
Years after the incident, I finally feel like I am strong enough that I could face the devil himself without even flinching. My pain will no longer be someone else's satisfaction.
I don't want to ever wear white,
Or have that "Mother's Glow",
We both know that dress,
Was stained long ago,
And I don't want to walk down an isle,
Because I know it would probably rain,
I am sorry if I ever drove you,
To the brink of insane,
All because I had to spread,
My hell-raising wings,
But I love the open road,
And the freedom it brings,
I feel the most beautiful,
With the wind in my hair,
Driving fast down the highway,
Breathing in the salty air.

But I'm not sorry at all,
I'm not sorry you went insane,
Because all it ever really was,
Was you losing to your own game,
My wrists will never belong,
In your desperate restraints,
They belong to my hands,
My mind and the colors it paints,
So don't let that first tear fall,
Don't let it trickle down that baby face,
Save it for some insecure, desperate girl,
You don't even have to chase,
Because I'm gone, Oh baby I'm gone,
And I'm never coming back,
I don't feel guilt because it was you,
Who put yourself in the angle of attack.
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