In my solitary boat,
overcome by this sea of silence
thick with love.

Lying post ***,

Thinking about what I've done,

The best love I ever gave...
I was thinking of you.

This dark matter seeps into
the white glow surrounding your image.

Good and bad intertwine
like inseparable lovers.

This thing we have
is a biopsy of the nature of the universe:

The **** always stains the white pavement
and becomes a part of it forever.

Why do I have to love you?

Please cut this string,
stab me in the heart, and
End it.

Your eyes - rich chocolate-
each a world, stopped mid-rotation
to survey my expression.

Words fail us.
The air near bursting with
hunger.

We inhale thoughts without form,
gaze sliding over gaze
waiting and wishing.

Heavy sighs and sideways smiles-
your curls gently bounce
as you break contact.

Again you shine those
inquisitive beacons
on my stone face.

I see the earth's core beneath-
the tumult of the plates
colliding and cracking.

My marble facade crumbles
at desire's relentless reach.
I know you. From before.

We have loved.
But no more.
no more.

I want the sun to descend on me
and boil my blood
so every atom screams
and fades away.

I want the black ocean
to swallow me
and rend me limb from limb
as food for sharks.

I want the wind
to lift me from this cold earth
and batter my body
on jagged mountain peaks.

I want my soul
to tear me open from inside
and make it's great escape.

What I really want is
a shy breeze to flicker in my ear
the secrets of an open heart
and quiet mind.

My mornings were filled with you.
The moment I woke
to the hurried steps
of my dog in the early sun
to a half-burnt bagel
on a ceramic blue plate
to a subway car filled with eyes
riveted on some distant fantasy
to a stretch of sidewalk
on which I'd often run,
to a crowded silent elevator,
to a chair in a room
where I'd anxiously wait
for a girl with long curls
and a leather jacket
to walk through the door and smile
at me.

My mornings are still filled with you.
The moment I wake
with a heavy sigh,
to the reluctant steps of my feet
dragged by a dog in cold light,
to a kitchen where I stop mid-breakfast
to recall a smile a million miles away,
to a gasp that shakes my soul
with tears unbidden falling into my cereal.

You have gone and I am here
caught in a web of memories
quickly fading,
leaving me empty.

You never speak-
just leave me guessing
for miles.
And when your gaze finally shifts,
you take a piece of me with you.
Where do you go?
I imagine sand dunes
spiraling away in a rough breeze
seemingly barren but where
do those particles go?
I imagine an oasis surrounded by
yellow wild-flowers
and nondescript birds,
except for the phoenix.
But, rather, that's where I go.
You, I think, find yourself
in the center of a vast ocean
surrounded by nothing-
no clouds above
no earth below, no creatures, no life.
Time just stands waiting
for you to make up your mind.
Then you look to me again-
I see one solitary vessel
reaching toward a dark iris.
You never speak,
but I always see.

Today our love died a little
Tomorrow will be the same
I picture you in all those places
That we used to frequent
I dare not set foot inside them
For fear I'll shatter
Those delicate memories

My heart is sick
My eyes are dull
Each person that I meet asks me
If I'm feeling well
And so I smile and pretend
Though I am far away
Stranded on a shabby raft
tossed by merciless waves
And sharks surrounding me in black water
Hungry for a grieving soul

Your image haunts me when I sleep
A hand pressed to my heart
A sad smile and you turn away
Knowing you'll never see me again

Those days will never return
The smells, the light, the laughter
The taste of your lips I'll never know again
Though you are alive and sad
In someone else's arms thinking of me
To me you are dead
And so I wish to die

This is how I remember you:
In the shimmering green of mid-spring;
In the wandering tourists with their cameras
Attempting to save a moment that's gone forever;
In two dogs gallivanting on the grass-
The one nips at the other daring him to chase her;
In the sun's radiance- I remember
How it shone in your curls;
In the smile of a stranger
Walking away from me;
In the sharp movement of his hands
As a sidewalk vendor cooks someone's lunch;
In the pavement speckled with fallen flowers;
In a sky now overcast and a steady, insistent downpour;
In the dark where I see nothing, hear nothing and cannot breathe-
I am left with all my anger, all my joy
All my sadness, all my lust
All my love, all my love.