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vera May 2019
princess, oh princess where has your tiara gone?
its proud display upon your head graces our eyes no more
no longer atop your hair,
and intertwined with the strands, so fair

princess, oh princess, where has your grace gone?
your soft embrace and hearty walk live amongst the shadows
not a single smile to melt the hearts of your people

princess, oh princess where has your happiness gone?
i see no glimmer in your eyes, no rose in your cheeks
has it abandoned you as well?

i wish you would wake, princess of mine
for, i fear that you are breathing no more

when i glance in the mirror, the reflection i see is not you
its a hollow-eyed beast, no doubt your rotting corpse

princess, oh princess why must you have passed?
i need you now more than ever,
for it seems i cannot complete this task
without my dearest princess, i am a goner,

i will not last.
- the princess has passed
vera Apr 2019
my whole life has been lived inside a fish bowl
i wish i could love like her outside the ritual
but i’m a **** clown and everyone’s laughing at my red nose
she’s graceful and you catch her out the shallow
i keep punching in the same combination and expecting the lock to jimmy open
everything’s staying the same but the numbers keep changing
i cant help but wonder if the big green monster has consumed me
spite the word i say it’s jealousy
i swear you don’t mean it
loving me is just a courtesy
vera Mar 2019
oh baby, don’t miss me too bad
i’ll see you in the next life,
this one clearly isn’t for me
vera Mar 2019
On the drive back home i tried to make sense of your presence
You weren't here or there or anywhere
But i could still hear your lingering footsteps pacing past my door
The uneven rhythm of pounding against the floor

thud THUD THUD thud thUD

Were you trying to control your demons?
Or at least trying to keep them at bay?

I could hear your footsteps getting louder and louder AND LOUDER
But then you would constrict your muscles using every last ounce of power
To stop yourself from moving

You weren't here or there or anywhere
Except for my imagination
- living with a schizophrenic
vera Feb 2019
how do i describe the feeling of that january morning? the serenity of the cool air nipping at my skin, while the chilled lake water rocked the wooden dock beneath me. i took the peaceful walk from the house to the lake barefoot. the coolness emanating from the cobblestone seeped into the soles of my feet.
      i walked down the winding pathway and allowed my eyes to scan over the greenery that flanked me on both sides. tulips and lavender flowers blooming in the cold air. mulch filled the area around grass and flowers, keeping them protected and safe. bees kissed flowers and mingled as i strolled passed. how beautiful and tranquil a scene i was honored to witness.
      i dragged ironically eager feet over wobbly brown planks on route to the dock ahead. i felt water sway aggressively beneath my feet as a boat raced past the dock. a glimpse of a small hand waving graced my vision with the passing of the boat. my balance fumbled, but my mentality stayed steady. when i finally lowered myself onto the wooden box on the edge of the dock, the warmth of my coffee finally began to soak into my palms.
      my eyes continued to glaze over the scene before me, and for the next few moments, i felt the serenity of the universe consume my entire begin. after sixteen years, a moment of fulfillment. finally at home.
      the sun sent droplets of his sunlight down to caress the lake and offer her the gentlest of kisses. the droplets glistened off of the lake´s ripples and flirted with the water. they danced and bounced upon the lake until she shone so brightly it was hard to look directly at her. as the two became familiar, i felt the sun retreat. his light slowly faded away and his kisses disappeared all together.
      as the hours passed and he was seated back upon his throne, the lake was left empty, deserted. her sadness did not go unnoticed, the wind understood her pain, so she picked up and pulled us both out of our trance.
      the lake was offered the kinder kiss of the moon, and she accepted. the fainter light and the lighter kisses became what kept her whole. there was a air of mystery surrounding him and the lake soaked it up. he became her new lifesource, she found something that kept her going.
      me, i received my sustinance from writing this poem.
- based on a true story
vera Jan 2019
when shall i learn that a line must be drawn
for the sake of my sanity
how can i accept my own demise due to my service of others?
i must wash my hands clean of the guilt i possess
for i harm no one as greatly as myself

i swim in oceans of my misery and drown in pools of my sorrow
terror fills my lungs and breaks away at the tissue in them

¨careful!¨ i scream
i cannot allow myself to fall victim to my own mind
the racing and pumping of my thoughts breaking down the barriers i have built
there is nothing left to protect my self-esteem
no armed guards to stop the negativity in its tracks
no brick wall to block the sadness from reaching me

dangerous. is the only world i can use to describe my thoughts
a battlefield of mines bursting with anger
sticks of dynamite, disguised as flowers to lure and destroy
the question is, who are they meant to hurt?

are they meant to agitate me further to turn my back on myself?
refusing the possibility that happiness can be found?
or are they meant to bring pain to others?
to keep me in control of the opinions and decisions of my peers?
does she aim to help or control?

perhaps, my mind is losing track of what i was thinking
allowing me room to doubt myself
is my mind trying to convince me that i am the parasite in the lives of others,
feeding off of their souls
i believe she is right
to tell me that i do things in order to gain
she tells me, that i do not wish to help, only to hurt

i understand now that i am up against myself
left up to my own devices
no one is under obligation to assist me in battling my demons
i will struggle and fight, until my last breath
to let my own mind defeat me, is to allow defeat inside of my own fortress

i will never be unarmed again
- a parasite of my own
vera Jan 2019
the rose, scented and floating across from me
its thorns were prominent and sharp
a means of protection for the delicate creature
red pigment screamed to the sun
wishing to meet the sun´s eyes
the petals stretched and reached with the leaves

he stayed perched up in the skin
blinding those who got too near to him
the sun never took notice of the bleak rose
he was busy shining for the world around,
drying children off as they played in the cold ocean waves
deepening the nutmeg color in the skin of those who let him

so the rose whined, and reached endlessly for what she could never grasp
and the sun continued to do his job, never realizing the fulfillment he would've had,
if only he took a chance
- the story of my lover and i
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