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vera Jan 2019
when he looks into your soul and professes his love, let him speak.
when he strokes your hair and calls you beautiful, let him speak.
when he looks at you with warms eyes and asks if you need anything, let him speak.

when the chorus of screams rains down on you, let it pour.
when your shoes wont slip on and the rain is destroying your psyche, let it tear away the pain he caused.
when the tears burn through your pores, let them cleanse your heart.

when youre pacing around the chilled night, let the cold sink into your bones. when his name flashes through your phone screen, let it ring until it dies. when the voices of your friends pick up and send you into a state of panic, let yourself remember their true love for you.

when the warmth of the mazda warms the tips of your fingers, let the hurt set in.
when your tears turn into uncontrollable sobs, let your peace be in the arms of your friends.
when you feel like the world is spinning off of its axis, let yourself breath.

when you feel the safety of anothers home, let your heart sink into the pillows.
when your body gives into the feeling of floating amongst clouds, let your mind escape the inevitable destruction.
when your friends begin patching wounds with stitches, let them help you.

when the anger becomes too much to bare, let yourself write this poem.
when your universe plummets to its knees before you, let yourself feel.
when you remember all the ones before, let yourself learn.

when you remember what he did, let yourself remember that you are worthy, you are incredible, you are beautiful and you will be loved.
- a summary of the day i lost myself
vera Dec 2018
clinging onto reality
dont want to be lost
if i am, ill never find my way back
never want to lose myself again,
already so lost
cant find anything to help me

maybe reality isnt the best idea
ill try and leave it behind, after all
if i am alone ill think of you and get tangled in my thoughts
lost from reality
- not so bad after all
vera Dec 2018
i am so unbelievably angry with you
youve got everyone convinced that you are the most beautiful and kind soul the universe has ever spawned
but i know the truth
i know the truth about you
i know that you used to hit me out of anger you refused to control
i remember you sprawled out on the floor screaming of death
i remember when you prepared yourself for the end
and said it was all for me
you said it was all for me
then why am i so angry with you?
- inevitable, it seems
vera Dec 2018
i smiled in the face of death. who does he think he is to scare me? i knew his intentions and instead, i reached out and intertwined my fingers with his. the black dust and coal rubbed off on my skin and i felt the friction gaining energy. he looked into my already stone eyes and tried again to get me to fear him. ¨oh death,¨ i chuckled. ¨you cant ever scare me, because im not running from you anymore.¨
vera Oct 2018
i am just thinking about the fact that you really don't fall in love with people
you're in love with chasing the next elevation
worried about feeling warm skin against yours
the calmness of another heartbeat to focus on
instead of numbing your pain with healing
you've chosen a battle you're only going to lose
- thank you for teaching me that trust is earned
vera Oct 2018
i wonder why i can never swallow my pride
is it because i know that you'll take advantage of my vulnerability?
or is it because my pride is the only constant in my life?
the only thing that keeps me grounded

i wonder why you can never swallow yours either
is it because you simply don't care
or do you care so much that you're terrified?

i wonder why i always find the people who are emotionally unavailable the most attractive
its said that opposites attract
so which one of us is lying to the other?
- tell me how it feels
vera Oct 2018
sometimes when i get sad
i sit on my bed and stare at the wall
i count every impression and dip i see in front of me
until i lose myself in how monotonous the task is
i stop thinking and analyzing and evaluating

then, when the sun has set
and my room is drenched in the dark blanket of the night
my mind returns from its absence
from whatever vacation it took
and everything sets back into normal motion

but somehow, im always missing a small piece of myself
on the trip back every time
i lose myself a little more
- at least the sadness is numb
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