have you ever gotten to the point
where you'll do anything
just to feel

pills
blades
smoke
matches
liquor

you really don't give a ****
what happens to you

as long as it brings your body and mind
your soul and bones
to the realization
that you really are
alive

i used to be so in love,
a feeling blessed upon me from above.
and the girl i loved,
made my heart jump.
and in such an amazing way,
whenever i thought about her my sordid thoughts would melt away.

and somewhere along the years; she twisted and changed,
she wasn't the same person; in only a matter of days.
as if the innocence and eloquence of her person had died,
but i fell to my knees whenever i reciprocated eyes.

the girl i knew died a long time ago,
i can't even recall her eye colour; blue, green, hazel? i don't know.
the girl i knew fizzled away,
her heart grew cold, and the love got frayed.
and maybe i shouldn't of saved her,
it would of saved me a lot of ink and paper.

because the girl i loved died a long time before i,
the girl i loved died,
the girl i love died.

when you are kissing her
i want you to remember that you kissed me first
when you are touching her
i want you to remember that you touched me first
when you are loving her
i want you to remember that you loved me first

my first kiss
my first love
want to remember.
the heartbreak
the abandonment
want to forget.